I can't anymore

[Maybenot]

I think most of you have suddenly felt so bad to the point of crying, right?

Well, today I did, in my school.
I just... I completely broke

I got out more than 4 times from different classes to breathe or to calm down, even so, I couldn't take it anymore and I cried, I cried in the middle of class, I cried in the bathroom, I cried in my school chapel, I'm crying now

Everything accumulated for weeks or months just now had to go

I accidentally scratched my hands, my arms and part of my neck. I think I opened the skin on my throat with my nails, it burns quite a bit. I feel like where I scratched it throbs and is warm.

I feel so alone, so fucking alone. All the friends I thought I had just leave me behind (almost literally lol). I don't have anyone real

I don't have friends anymore, I don't have grades anymore, I don't have hobbies anymore.

I thought that after my last four suicide attempts everything would get better, however I only feel worse. Now even my partner abandoned me. My parents still treat each other like shit and my brother has a constant risk of dying

So what else?
I don't care, I just want to puke and cry and puke and cry again

Anyways, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Pd: I am going to attach a photo of the sky from my school, I hope you like it. It looks pretty

 

[its-about-time]

I feel like puking a lot these days from just where my thoughts are at too. That's a beautiful sky. You have anywhere relaxing you can hang for the rest of the day? It looks like the weather is nice there, maybe laying in the grass somewhere?

 

[Maybenot]

I feel like puking a lot these days from just where my thoughts are at too. That's a beautiful sky. You have anywhere relaxing you can hang for the rest of the day? It looks like the weather is nice there, maybe laying in the grass somewhere?

I talked to my psychologist, I feel like it was a good idea and at the same time it wasn't. I don't want to talk to anyone right now, I feel like if I say a single word it's going to be cut off and they're going to ask me "Are you okay?" And I'm not going to hold my desire to cry at that moment.

So, not talking for today

I am sitting on the stairs of the library, it is a little visited place and it relaxes me sometimes. How are you? Do you have a special place? :D

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation. I know that loneliness can be painful for many people. I understand that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. That is a nice photo though, I like looking at the night sky when the moon is out. I wish you the best and I hope you find relief from your pain.

 

[its-about-time]

I talked to my psychologist, I feel like it was a good idea and at the same time it wasn't. I don't want to talk to anyone right now, I feel like if I say a single word it's going to be cut off and they're going to ask me "Are you okay?" And I'm not going to hold my desire to cry at that moment.

So, not talking for today

I am sitting on the stairs of the library, it is a little visited place and it relaxes me sometimes. How are you? Do you have a special place? :D

That sounds like it was a nice place to sit :) Glad you talked to your psych, I get the feeling of it feeling good and bad at the same time. I've had an ok day. I'm not sure what my special place would be. I feel very comfortable in my trailer and yard. I like to sit on my deck and smoke, I guess that's my thinking spot. Laying in my hammock is probably the best happy spot. How'd the rest of your day turn out?

 

[Maybenot]

That sounds like it was a nice place to sit :) Glad you talked to your psych, I get the feeling of it feeling good and bad at the same time. I've had an ok day. I'm not sure what my special place would be. I feel very comfortable in my trailer and yard. I like to sit on my deck and smoke, I guess that's my thinking spot. Laying in my hammock is probably the best happy spot. How'd the rest of your day turn out?

I had a fight with my mother, luckily everything ended well, although I couldn't sleep all night because I was crying. I'm back at school, with even less energy than yesterday so idk if I am going to survive with all my sanity today