I ordered other mediations for my SN use. I blew the large bit of my money a month ago on SN. I will have some regret until I receive other mediations to have with the SN. I move my ctb date to March 21st. 2 months after joining this bloody place. It's hard to continue with my life efforts now
I'm not sure how to interpret your post.
This place should have nothing to do with your decision to ctb.
There is assistance here with the how, but the why and when is all up to you.
Many people visit here and choose to leave if reading about ctb is too difficult. Perhaps that is the path for you as well?
If you need encouragement to continue your life and want to stay part of the community, please consider joining the recovery section.