I cannot deal with this loneliness anymore

[endeledestein]

I dont know what to do... Loneliness is killing me... This is agony...

Nobody wants me...

 

[Joarga]

No sé qué hacer... La soledad me está matando... Esto es una agonía...

Nadie me quiere...

¿Tienes mascotas?
El amor de un perro o gato puede hacerte sentir querido
Yo nunca he tenido novia, sólo animales

 

[lumibon]

It's a complete slow agony and a repetitive cycle of hopelessness, I know exactly how you feel. We humans need someone or something to anchor ourselves to so that we can feel enough stability, and it's incredibly sad that not everyone has that.

 

[Yurak Hunt]

go on reddit in the living alone subs, there are many people there who can help you cope with living alone. I am going through it myself.

 

[endeledestein]

go on reddit in the living alone subs, there are many people there who can help you cope with living alone. I am going through it myself.

Im already in all or most of those and have been there for months... it doesnt help

 

[endeledestein]

just pain and more pain and more pain... nobody ever wants me... all i do is survive the pain...

 

[endeledestein]

if i hadnt enough already with this shit... a crazy women started harassing me online, creating fake profiles to stalk me. and its not cause she likes me, its cause she hates me, she just wants to hurt me.. idont want to explain, but if i did something wrong it was the mildest thing ever, it wasnt a heartbreak or anything like that... but i have been told she does that to other guys too... she even contacted my environment to talk shit about me, and shes from another country...

im so tired of people...

nobody wants me and now i have to deal with this shit...

 

[3rdworldsadness]

It's very upsetting. I'm extremely lonely too, never had friends, never talked freely with anyone. I know the soul crushing feeling of lonelyness and anxiety. I have so much anxiety too over everything I'm struggling. We shouldn't suffer like this. I dream about a another dimension where I'm not lonely or struggling anymore. I' am sorry. Hope you can find peace wherever you may be.

 

[endeledestein]

even if i dont post... im still the same... extremely lonely, unwanted... nobody wants me...

so, months ago, a 15 yo girl posted in suicidewatch in reddit. she was lonely and had no one, and it was sad to read but i didnt say anything... she kept posting several times and eventually i sent her a single message telling her that i have read her posts and i cant really talk to her cause im 36, but if it wasnt cause of that i would be her friend and talk to her. she say thank you and thats it... today the same account messaged me and it says its his father and that the girl passed away and gave me thanks for being nice to her... and i feel so guilty...

its so sad too... at the very least she isnt suffering anymore... and she had the courage to do it, unlike the shit coward that i am... massive respect to her, but also sad...

 

[endeledestein]

i am crying... i am so lonely... nobody wants me...

i hope i can end it soon... i need 2 months o prepare shit, i think... but i fear that... i wont do it... but i eventually will do it, but i dont know when...

all i know is that i cant take this pain...

all i wanted was to have a quiet life and share it with someone... but it was too much to ask...

 

[CarbonBased]

even if i dont post... im still the same... extremely lonely, unwanted... nobody wants me...

so, months ago, a 15 yo girl posted in suicidewatch in reddit. she was lonely and had no one, and it was sad to read but i didnt say anything... she kept posting several times and eventually i sent her a single message telling her that i have read her posts and i cant really talk to her cause im 36, but if it wasnt cause of that i would be her friend and talk to her. she say thank you and thats it... today the same account messaged me and it says its his father and that the girl passed away and gave me thanks for being nice to her... and i feel so guilty...

its so sad too... at the very least she isnt suffering anymore... and she had the courage to do it, unlike the shit coward that i am... massive respect to her, but also sad...

That is such a heartbreaking story.. I have frequented this subreddit before, but I never posted for privacy reasons. I hope that you find someone to be together with. Being alone is very difficult

 

[endeledestein]

this last month i started with prostitutes. i never did it before but i said fuck it, i want to try how it feels... i envy other guys because i dont enjoy sex like they do... and the affection... it isnt the same as with being with someone that you love and that loves you back.

if it was for me id keep going but its too expensive, sadly... and it doenst really solve my problem...

after several tiems of going to different ones, i did a blood test for STDs and in one hand i was a bit scared but in the other... i had a faint hope that i had some incurable STD... so I could finally give up in life... but everything came out negative...

i feel so lonely, i am so lonely... nobody ever wants me... i need so much affection and attention from someone i can trust... but nobody ever wants me....

 

[Joarga]

El mes pasado empecé con prostitutas. Nunca lo había hecho antes, pero dije, qué más da, quiero probar qué se siente... Envidio a otros chicos porque no disfruto del sexo como ellos... y el cariño... no es lo mismo que estar con alguien a quien amas y que te ama a ti.

Si fuera por mí, seguiría adelante, pero es demasiado caro, por desgracia... y en realidad no resuelve mi problema...

Después de ir varias veces a diferentes sitios, me hice un análisis de sangre para detectar ETS y, por un lado, estaba un poco asustada, pero por otro... tenía una tenue esperanza de tener alguna ETS incurable... así que finalmente podría rendirme en la vida...

Me siento tan sola, estoy tan sola... nadie me quiere... necesito tanto cariño y atención de alguien en quien pueda confiar... pero nadie me quiere...

Te entiendo, yo también he ido de prostitutas, pero no lo disfruto. Necesito amor ,tener a alguien que me quiera, no por dinero

 

[Ben 111]

Im deeply sorry youre going through this nobody should ever feel this way just remember that you are not alone

 

[endeledestein]

i cant fucking take this anymore... im so extremely lonely and it hurts so much... it hurts, it hurts IT HURTS

 

[endeledestein]

I cant take this shit anymore... It hurts so much. I hate living. I just cant keep going like this...

fuck, i just wrote the same...

 

[endeledestein]

What is the point of anything...

There is nothing in my life that gives me any kind of joy. Everything is uncomfortable or painful. I have sensitive skin and I hate going outside. I have to take at least 1 shower a day or Ill feel uncomfortable. I dont feel the social need to have friends. I dont care about my family and some of them just made my life worse... And the only thing I need, its impossible.

I live in the apartment where I lived all my life. Luckily alone... Im 36, and this apartment needed renovations already when I was 10... But my father never did shit... And it kept getting worse... I only started working 3 years ago earning shit, so I could never fix anything either... And there is another reason that its long to explain.

I hate living here. I hate the neighbors. I hate the shit walls, the shit floor, the shit furniture... Im very hot now always sweating because its very hot. In winter ill be very cold. Ill use several blankets enough to keep me warm for a bit, then it will make me sweat. And Ill always wake up full of sweat and extremely cold...

I literally cant have hobbies. Nothing ever is just enjoyable. Maybe some rare things I could like, but with a caveat. Its always about fixing or putting in order. Its always something to scratch my mind. Its never just for the joy of it, its to "fix" the game. When all its in order, then its finished... And then Im relieved. Who the fuck feels relieved when stop playing... How can that be even enjoyable.

Then my old car, the only one I had. The aircon cant even keep up with this heat.

Why do I have to keep working my job, where I wont be able to afford a house for at least 20 years, supposing very conservative saving... Why do I have to endure this shit if all I do is suffer...

But everything would be worth it if I at least had someone... Someone to tell all this shit... Someone to cry to... That understood me, that saw my suffering and just wanted to make it less and cuddle me... Someone that would take care of me... But to take care of. Someone to worry about her problems and help her whenever possible... Someone to share this shit life... To see every day, to be just there. Someone to fight for in this shit life...

But I dont have shit. Im pathetic. Nobody would ever want me. I have nothing, therefore I am nothing. And even if I had something, all this dependency and all my shit... Its just too much of a handicap... Nobody can ever want me or my company or my care...

There is no point in enduring this suffering.

 

[monkeyfff]

We are scum, filth and utterly worthless and the undesirable males of this species.

 

[endeledestein]

I can't take this anymore. I just can't...

I just wanted somebody to share thosbshit life with... I would have taken care of her... But nobody wants me...
I see women with pieces of shit that treat them bad and make them suffer, or worse... But I must be much worse than all of them...

I see no end to this loneliness... There is no point in living for me...

 

[endeledestein]

Im tired of reading posts...of girls loving their bfs, saying they would le them do anything bad and still love them...

and me.. nobody bothers with me to even give me a chance...

i want to die...

 

[endeledestein]

If things werent shit already, with another topic with my home and my shit sister... now another shit topic...

I asked out a coworker last thursday. She said no and that she had a boyfriend. I said sorry and that I wouldnt insist again. Then today tuesday she came to work since then (its normal) and she said hello and I replied hello, cause she sits next to me.

Then, I wasnt expecting this at all, she told my boss and my boss just talked to me now and said that he "activated a protocol" and that in the next days they will do a meeting to know what to do. I have no idea what she told him. He told me to never contact her again... I wasnt gonna, and now even less, cause someone that gets offended that much, is just... whatever...

My boss says they will most likely give me a warning, but at the same time he told me he never had to do this, so he doesnt know, so they might fire me. And even if they dont fire me, if they tell the others this is a fucking stigma if they know now or in the future.

On top of that, I have to get a mortgage in a few months or Ill lose the place where I live and Ill have nowhere to go, and without a job I wont be able to get it. And they dont give it if you have a less than 1 year contract... this was a nice good paying job...

I just want to cry. i dont want to go back there anymore... Im at work. I dont want to work or be here, or be in the same universe as that woman. What type of person does this? Just fuck the life of someone because asked you out and told you that he wont bother you again?
I feel so insecure. Its so fucking ironic. I literally did nothing wrong. Even if they dont fire me, I feel so insecure... If I "did something to her" anyone in the office could defend her, but who is going to defend me if she pushes this bullshit?

I dont have any morale anymore and I dont know what todo...

At this point I just want to fucking die... Might end up killing myself because of this...

 

[endeledestein]

i just repeat myself... but im in pain... im extremely lonely...i cannot deal with this... i cannot take this anymore...

 

[alreadyfound]

I understand what you feel. The only time I ever had a real friend was when I was 10. I can have "friends" for a few months, but then they don't want to see me anymore, even though I'm trying my best. It hurts so much to be unlovable. Life has no meaning when you're all alone.

 

[endeledestein]

I cant take this pain. All I do is suffer... This massive loneliness I feel... Nobody ever wants me...

Been a few days busy, basically sleeping all day... Was lonely but didnt think about it much.. But now Im awake and it just hurts... It always hurts

Nobody wants me... Nobody wants to be with me, to cuddle me, to just be there with me, to give her my attention, to have her mine... Just existing and being there with each other...

Im just unwanted trash...

I need so many cuddles...

But Im just disgusting fucking trash that nobody ever wants...

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

The feeling of being loved, accepted, admired—and so many others—is a powerful drug capable of easing the existential condition. These drugs don't provide a cure, but just as the pain of cancer can be alleviated, they make the experience of living feel lighter. If living were good in itself, these drugs would be unnecessary. No, living has never been good. Few people manage to go through this pathetic experience without needing some kind of drug. I understand your pain, and I am truly sorry. What you might try—with great effort—is to believe that these are all merely human constructs for survival, and try to navigate around that somehow. After all, nothing about living is genuine; everything has to be created by the mind in some way.

 

[ctb_warrior]

First post...

Im a guy from Spain. I had depression all my life, but what most pain caused me by far is the loneliness of not having somebody to talk every day and trust... I have always been alone and rejected... All my life... Completely alone...

I also have autism/asperger, and Im needy and weak and nobody ever wants or accepts me...

Its so painful. I have tried so much, i talked with so many people... I got my heart broken so many times... I just cant deal with this anymore...

Im crying so much while writing this shit... I have been crying a lot in the last days...

I just cannot deal with this pain. Its so painful. Its pain, its more pain, its always pain. Its always emptiness, its always loneliness, its always more pain and more pain, and more pain.

There is nothing else but pain and more pain and rejection and more pain.

I cannot deal with this anymore...

There is no point in living like this... I give up...

My dear bro, you aren't alone. You've us, everyone at SaSu cares for you people in real life might be too insensitive to understand you, but people in here are caring and supportive. If you need any sort of emotional support, we are all here for you

This loneliness has made me do some pathetic stuff Im not proud of at all... I feel like a pathetic being

Someone from USA (very far) in reddit messaged me to talk and voice call... I usually dont want to talk with far away people cause its very painful if we like each other, but I was so lonely... Turns out it was 30 year old girl with cerebral palsy. She was very nice, but I could tell she wasnt a developed person... She lived in an assisted home, her parents died long ago and she was alone... It broke my heart... I couldnt not stop crying during all the call and had to end it and cried for some while after...

At least she wasnt very aware of her situation and she is happy... So she is shielded from all the grown up shit stuff... And much more happy that I have ever been... So thats a relief...

But seeing people in this state... It just breaks my heart and makes me cry a lot and hurts me a lot... If I hadnt enough with my own pain...
oh my fucking god, ic ant stop crying, i have been an hour at this shit... for everything... i almost never cry even when im huge pain but i cannot deal with this shit anymore... im such a pathetic being...

And you are not a pathetic being. You are a soul with a big heart who could feel the pain of someone who was sitting miles apart. It's a big thing.

 

[discernment]

You aren't a bad person. Please understand that how other people have treated you in the past is absolutely NOT a reflection of your character in any way. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain, I wish there was more I could do to help you feel a little bit less alone right now

 

[n1kita_]

First post...

Im a guy from Spain. I had depression all my life, but what most pain caused me by far is the loneliness of not having somebody to talk every day and trust... I have always been alone and rejected... All my life... Completely alone...

I also have autism/asperger, and Im needy and weak and nobody ever wants or accepts me...

Its so painful. I have tried so much, i talked with so many people... I got my heart broken so many times... I just cant deal with this anymore...

Im crying so much while writing this shit... I have been crying a lot in the last days...

I just cannot deal with this pain. Its so painful. Its pain, its more pain, its always pain. Its always emptiness, its always loneliness, its always more pain and more pain, and more pain.

There is nothing else but pain and more pain and rejection and more pain.

I cannot deal with this anymore...

There is no point in living like this... I give up...

hey, si necesitas hablar con alguien, por favor, no dudes en escribirme. entiendo el peso de tus palabras, y siento que todo te cause tantísimo dolor. no estás para nada solo. te envío un fuerte abrazo :(

 

[monkeyfff]

You aren't a bad person. Please understand that how other people have treated you in the past is absolutely NOT a reflection of your character in any way. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain, I wish there was more I could do to help you feel a little bit less alone right now

Beautifully said and in many ways you are right about that. When in a world ruled by evil and those that facilitate and undertake in that evil get validated, desired, "loved" and wanted does that mean it's a reflection of their character? Most would say no and I would agree - this my friend is not a reflection of your character, but a reflection of others.

 

[endeledestein]

I will always be alone... I have been all my life alone and unwanted... And thats how I will be until the end...

I dont want to endure this pain anymore...