I can only kill myself on impulse

[Thefuture]

Having a cat is making acting on impulse impossible. I know I could get that back if I got rid of her. This is one of the reasons I hate myself. I'm such a selfish person, I don't want to go through the heartbreak of giving her away. Even though she'll be fine without me. And then I have to follow through with it because my only companion is gone forever. I will have to have the courage to kill myself. I hate life. I truly do. I want out. I am lazy suicidal though... drugs and distractions have kept me here. But I am finding even that lately, is not enough. I wish I had something like sodium nitrate. If anyone in Australia knows a source that isn't a scam, please let me know. I have taken an Amitriptyline OD before, with the belief it could really kill me. But it didn't, I awoke in ICU. And got back to it... I feel like I'm less of a genuine person because I can't plan out my suicide and go through with it. I can't be calm and collected. I just want this over with.

 

[Zegers]

Have you tried IC?

 

[Sad_Sack]

I also have found that I need to end it on impulse. I've been suicidal many times over the last 30 years and have been badly suicidal for 5 years straight now. The only actual attempt I made was in spring if 2021 and I did it literally like 5 minutes after waking up one morning. I had just had enough and had already made a ligature months before but hadn't even tried it. I came so close too. I was out like a light but the spoon I used slipped off the knot and I slowly came to. I tried again and same thing happened and this time I was coughing up blood. I was afraid to try a third as it seemed I would just wind up with horrible damage and was hospitalised for just under 3 weeks. Horrible experience.

There is no way I could set a date because I can't guarantee what my conviction would be like. It just has to be a moment of extreme desperation like last time. Sorry about the cat dilemma. It's good to be concerned over your pet though. I hope you find relief one way or the other.

 

[Someone123]

Only 1 in 23 attemnpts to ctb works in the u.s.- it seems that most attempts that work are carefully planned. SOmetime imulse works if you are goiung with a high percentage method, but most of these methods require a fair amount of planning first- I suppose jumping doesn't, but soi many people find jumping is way tougher than they think- when they get to the edge it's way more terrifying than they expected.

 

[Thefuture]

Have you tried IC?

What's IC?

Only 1 in 23 attemnpts to ctb works in the u.s.- it seems that most attempts that work are carefully planned. SOmetime imulse works if you are goiung with a high percentage method, but most of these methods require a fair amount of planning first- I suppose jumping doesn't, but soi many people find jumping is way tougher than they think- when they get to the edge it's way more terrifying than they expected.

That is what I'm thinking is gonna be my only option. I need something instant and successful. My uncle killed himself at a cliff in my city so I know it'll work. It is so scary though. I don't know if I could and once I climb the barrier I have to comitt. I can't stand there and test how I feel otherwise I'll get the police called. It's a very popular, open spot. I wish I could just lay in my bed and go to sleep in peace. I feel so horrible. I can't even go to the hospital beause it feels like no one actually cares and it's embarrassing. It feels like everyone wants to hurt me. They can't really help me. God, this is a horrible feeling.

 

[SamTam33]

I was watching some people base jump off a cliff and it occurred to me that getting a running start will help with the SI a bit.

I don't trust myself to stand at the edge, then casually jump off. Running will definitely make it a bit easier. Not foolproof by any means, but I'm collecting any sort of tips and tricks I can.

My preferred jump spot is along the side of a two lane highway, but there will still be room to get a running start.

Everyday, I try to do something physically or mentally to help myself prepare.

 

[Someone123]

I was watching some people base jump off a cliff and it occurred to me that getting a running start will help with the SI a bit.

I don't trust myself to stand at the edge, then casually jump off. Running will definitely make it a bit easier. Not foolproof by any means, but I'm collecting any sort of tips and tricks I can.

My preferred jump spot is along the side of a two lane highway, but there will still be room to get a running start.

Everyday, I try to do something physically or mentally to help myself prepare.

Some people are able to jump, and I do think mental preparation helps a lot with this and with other methods; it seems that so many times when people do things on imp-ulse that this is what redults in failed attempts. I wish that people who needed to find peace could just walk through a door to the other side, but it's not usually that simple. It's rare to have access to an easy method for a person to do.

 

[makethepainstop]

Having a cat is making acting on impulse impossible. I know I could get that back if I got rid of her. This is one of the reasons I hate myself. I'm such a selfish person, I don't want to go through the heartbreak of giving her away. Even though she'll be fine without me. And then I have to follow through with it because my only companion is gone forever. I will have to have the courage to kill myself. I hate life. I truly do. I want out. I am lazy suicidal though... drugs and distractions have kept me here. But I am finding even that lately, is not enough. I wish I had something like sodium nitrate. If anyone in Australia knows a source that isn't a scam, please let me know. I have taken an Amitriptyline OD before, with the belief it could really kill me. But it didn't, I awoke in ICU. And got back to it... I feel like I'm less of a genuine person because I can't plan out my suicide and go through with it. I can't be calm and collected. I just want this over with.

Impulse suicides don't always tend to be especially reliable. A planned departure has a greater chance for success. As you already have experienced the agony of failure, I'd suggest you do more research for a successful conclusion. Much love to you and your cat.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Relate a lot to your term 'lazy suicidal.' I think all of us here wish a peaceful death would just come along and take us while we are asleep.

I feel like I'm stuck here while my Dad is still alive, so it's a case of trying to distract myself as best as possible to make it through. Does make you wonder if we are all doing that to an extent- even the 'normies.' Television, drugs, music- maybe we're all just trying to make it through without really thinking about the horrible reality of our lives and the world in general.

 

[FuneralCry]

We do live in a world where suicide is so unnecessarily complicated and difficult after all. If only we could just choose to never wake again then that would be ideal, I also hate life, I always have done and I've always wished for non existence. Your feelings of wishing to be free from everything are understandable, it can certainly be dreadful and tiring feeling trapped in this life that we never asked for. I hope that you find the freedom that you are looking for.

 

[Obliviate]

My cats are one of the only reasons I'm still alive. I have literally no idea what I would do without them. would have been dead a long time ago going through what I went through without them. I also have this desire that I want to die before them. I cannot bear to see them die so I feel that I have to go first and they can meet me in heaven. They will be taken care of ofcourse when I am gone but everyday it's like my heart also breaks because I'll be gone soon and won't see my loves for a while

 

[theboy]

I do not recommend doing CTB on impulse. It is better to study the chosen method to avoid having worse sequelae.