Venting i can no longer deny the fact i like cutting .

[darknessisfine8]

this is not a post to encourage SH . its my personal choice . and seriously if youre not in that place yet . you should quit SH right away anyway ...


i hate the way everybody reacts to my cuts .

like all they say is either therapy . med . or some sort of family friendly stuff that doesnt work for someone too fucked like me .

yeah . i love cutting . im not ashamed to say . and honestly . its the best part of my day .

i love to see the pain through my arm and i really love my wounds .

theyre just so beautiful . their red . beautiful color on my wrist .

and anyway . even logically . its the best option for me . its quick . and it gives me so much more relieve than othrr methods .


i just love how it feels . im not ashamed to choose my own way of dealing with hard stuff .

im in a situation ( where i dont wanna explain ) where i cant ctb for so long .

like i have stuff to deal with like for a fee years before ending it .

and my main plan to just go on with is cutting .

i love cutting . and i dont want to heal .

 

[failedmind]

just want to say you're not alone. recently relapsed after 6 years and i understand.

 

[darknessisfine8]

just want to say you're not alone. recently relapsed after 6 years and i understand.

thanks a lot for consideration . that means a lot to just read it

but honestly . im far far beyond healing .
and i hope i could end it right now . but for personal reasons i have to stay . and its my main coping ...

 

[NonEssential]

I remember I used to cut my thighs many years ago and enjoyed the tingly feeling it brought. I swapped it with drinking, but
that's becoming more expensive and ineffective so it makes me wonder...

 

[failedmind]

thanks a lot for consideration . that means a lot to just read it

but honestly . im far far beyond healing .
and i hope i could end it right now . but for personal reasons i have to stay . and its my main coping ...

i know what you mean. its my main coping mechanism right now since i cant ctb yet. i dont want to heal and i know even if i wanted to, i couldn't. im sorry youre struggling too

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm finding it real hard these days to dispose of some razors I bought about a week ago. I regret it but I also don't, clearly. I don't like scars as much cos of that same reaction of people around you, which I'm glad in that way that you are not ashamed of it, less shit to deal with. But I deal with a lot of guilt so personally going around with cuts makes me real anxious of posible reactions...
sucks. still can't say i'm a fan of this cope. if it's making the day to day easier or better for you, who am I to not be glad for that at least. You do what you choose to do. I just hope it gets easier for you <3

 

[darknessisfine8]

I remember I used to cut my thighs many years ago and enjoyed the tingly feeling it brought. I swapped it with drinking, but
that's becoming more expensive and ineffective so it makes me wonder...

hope we could all recover back but thats sadly very unlikely

I'm finding it real hard these days to dispose of some razors I bought about a week ago. I regret it but I also don't, clearly. I don't like scars as much cos of that same reaction of people around you, which I'm glad in that way that you are not ashamed of it, less shit to deal with. But I deal with a lot of guilt so personally going around with cuts makes me real anxious of posible reactions...
sucks. still can't say i'm a fan of this cope. if it's making the day to day easier or better for you, who am I to not be glad for that at least. You do what you choose to do. I just hope it gets easier for you <3

Thanks a lot for your kind words

i hope it does for all of us ...

i know what you mean. its my main coping mechanism right now since i cant ctb yet. i dont want to heal and i know even if i wanted to, i couldn't. im sorry youre struggling too

Hard to see youre dealing too . hope it all gets better one day before its over ...

 

[princexhhn]

I had to stop cutting but yeah i feel you, it felt good to take everything out on myself

 

[hocus pocus]

same. i love when i multiswipe and start seeing the fat layer slowly appear, and when i hit a vein or smth and the warm blood rushes out. its just so nice.

 

[strawberrydino]

i miss it so much. i liked how the little beads of blood well up. i liked how the scars looked and i dont like how theyre fading. but ive keep up the streak so long and i paid for therapy to stop. so instead ive been just punching and bruising myself. but it just isnt the same

 

[darknessisfine8]

i miss it so much. i liked how the little beads of blood well up. i liked how the scars looked and i dont like how theyre fading. but ive keep up the streak so long and i paid for therapy to stop. so instead ive been just punching and bruising myself. but it just isnt the same

im not gonna encourage you to start .

but you need to know that you should be free to do anything no matter what . even your own death .

if you are mature enough to choose for yourself and know the consequences .

you can choose if its worth to start sh again .

for me personally its almost the only way that works . i need the fast way of getting calm to keep going . i like the blood . the red color from my skin and everything .

but anyway . its your life and youre free to do anything you want with it .

nobody is gonna judge you for that . at least here

 

[LancyLoew]

I never got too far into SH, and have stopped for a long while, but I know exactly what you mean and I do feel the same.
I still remember the first time I did it – I decided on what I wanted a few days before, then went out to buy something sharp. The knifes at home were uselessly dull, and I couldn't bring myself to force it with them.
It was something to get me out of the house, finally for a reason that I wanted; not school, or some class… I picked a store that was kinda far from where I lived too, wanted it to take as long as it needed to.
One thing I still remember pleasantly is checkout. Standing in line for a few minutes with nothing but a cheap box cutter and blades, looking at the cashier as they scan it, thinking "They have no idea what I'm going to do with this, and if they did, they wouldn't sell it to me".

I feel like I'm glad I ended up trying it, it's a kind of experience that grounds you in your body like nothing else, clears your head until there's nothing but you and your blood. I wrote stuff with my blood too, still makes me feel things when I dig them up to look.

I hope you're feeling alright. I wish you peace.

 

[r67k]

I remember cutting as a teen, it made me feel great, I remember upgrading from poorly designed razors into perfectly shaped scalpels, I remember how with the right cut my skin would split apart and away from eachother as the second of pink turned into pure red, I remember letting the blood pour out of me and onto my own personal blood towel which I would save specifically for these occasions. It has been many years since those days, the scars on my arms are still very visible, I've never felt shame for them as I heard other people, they are a true experience and phase of my life, I cannot say that if I where to live on my own, rethinking these nostalgic memories I wouldn't eventually go back and start again, for now tho, I have no plans of doing so due to life circumstances.