I can feel my mind falling apart

[377e8372662]

It gets harder and harder every single day. I'm getting into random car accidents because I can't focus, I may have to stop driving soon. I'm less and less able to tolerate minor annoyances like my cat meowing. It bothers me more and more every day and I know I'd never hurt her but it doesn't stop the fucking rage I feel at this point. I'm considering giving her up even though she's the only real bright spot in my life. I'm already neglecting her and she would probably be better off with someone else anyway.

Sleep has been my favorite activity and the one I would rather do than any other for a long time. It's like my whole nervous system agrees, I'm able to sleep for 12+ hours on a regular basis without being sleep deprived. It really sucks I'm too scared to actually end my life because I'm really just subjecting myself to further suffering every single day.

I want to hold on for my mom, she's going through a lot right now, but I also can't find a job and she's been having to support me. It's not hard to feel like she'd be better off, too.

I could sit here and list all the shit wrong with me that may be contributing, adhd, ptsd, anxiety, whatever. That feels like a largely intellectual exercise that does precisely nothing to make me feel any better about my day to day. I've done a decade of therapy, I've been on a dozen medications, most of them at one time, I got a psychology degree myself to try and figure out what the fuck is up with me. I really wish I had the courage to do something about it rather than sit here and feel bad for myself every day. Maybe, hopefully that's what this breakdown is building to.

 

[hematomatema]

Sleep has been my favorite activity and the one I would rather do than any other for a long time. It's like my whole nervous system agrees, I'm able to sleep for 12+ hours on a regular basis without being sleep deprived. It really sucks I'm too scared to actually end my life because I'm really just subjecting myself to further suffering every single day.

Fuck I feel this a lot. I'll either watch shows, any show, or sleep just to distract myself, to pass the time. It feels like you're rotting away, and for all intents and purposes you are. I'm honestly just waiting for some money I've got coming in soon and I'm buying my method. I get what you mean though. I'm both far too afraid and far too ready to CTB, too afraid because I somewhat enjoy life but too ready because I'm suffering a lot because of the immutable traits of my mental health.

 

[Dr. Finklestein]

All I want to do is sleep! It's the only thing that passes the time. It's the only time I feel at peace.

 

[Timothy7dff]

A lot of people are dealing with this sort of thing. Deep state infected me with Lyme and then took all my money. My mind has been deteriorating rapidly ever since. I already had to stop my part-time job. Now, I'm just missing parts of days. Things happen, but I don't remember them.

On the plus, I can watch the same shows over and over.

 

[377e8372662]

A lot of people are dealing with this sort of thing. Deep state infected me with Lyme and then took all my money. My mind has been deteriorating rapidly ever since. I already had to stop my part-time job. Now, I'm just missing parts of days. Things happen, but I don't remember them.

On the plus, I can watch the same shows over and over.

Deep state has actually messed with me too and it's hard finding people who believe me. I've basically given up being believed