Help I broke my window because I got angry. It might be over for me.

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

This isn't the first piece of damage in this apartment caused by me. One was a genuine accident while moving furniture, but I also punched the door to my bathroom, leaving a sizable dent in it. This time, I threw a knife out of frustration, and it hit the window. There's a small hole and a crack there now. I did a rudimentary job to cover it with cardboard, and my blinds are often down/shut so it can't be seen from the inside, but still. It's only a matter of time before it's discovered. I can't think of any way to make it sound like an accident, because how do you accidentally chuck something at a window? The door I plausibly excused saying I slipped and hit it, but there's nothing I can say other than this.

I thought I was getting better. I thought I was making genuine progress with my life and my mental health, but of course all it takes is one mistake to undo everything. I can't see any way out of this. I live in a city that's especially infamous for its housing crisis, I don't have any friends that I can stay with, and my parents don't have any space in their home for me. I'm completely fucked if I get evicted. My two choices will be to live on the street or to CTB, and the latter is the preferable option here.

If anyone's got advice on how to handle this, I'd appreciate it. Otherwise, it might be time to finally commit to partial hanging. I've got the rope and the anchor point, I'm ready to go if it comes to that. And if it does come to that, I honestly deserve it. I fuck up and destroy anything I come in contact with, and the world is better off with one less fuckup in it.

 

[SunriseParabellum]

How big is the hole and did any glass fall on the inside? All I can really think of is to try and say something from outside broke it, but you'd need glass on the inside to "prove" that

 

[Grog]

Be honest and own up to it and hope for the best.

 

[Quietist]

I mean, who's going to see it and do anything about it?

Do you mean that you're worried about it being discovered if you have to move?

Just lie - they can't prove you threw something at it one way or the other.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

How big is the hole and did any glass fall on the inside? All I can really think of is to try and say something from outside broke it, but you'd need glass on the inside to "prove" that

Unfortunately the glass is all outside. The hole isn't that big, I thought about excusing it as someone throwing a rock at it but since there wasn't any damage to the screen and I'm on a higher floor I doubt it'd work.

I mean, who's going to see it and do anything about it?

Do you mean that you're worried about it being discovered if you have to move?

Just lie - they can't prove you threw something at it one way or the other.

There are annual inspections of the property, and I'm worried about it coming up during that or if I move out. If I don't say anything now, I feel like it'll be worse for me in the long run, but at the same time it feels like I'm damned either way. I can't write it off as pre-existing damage since it wasn't there the entire time I lived here, and I signed a form stating there were no issues with the apartment on move-in.

I haven't had any issues aside from a false noise complaint and the door I mentioned earlier; I've paid my rent on time every month since I moved in. I'm just worried that there's a pattern of behavior that could be established that leads me to getting evicted. I'm more than willing to pay for damages, but I'm just not sure if I'll get that opportunity, or if I'll lash out again and have something else broken. I don't know.

 

[SunriseParabellum]

If you're willing and able to pay for the repairs, then depending on how reasonable they are your best shot probably is to just come clean and immediately offer to do so. Maybe dress it up as an accident or you had one too many and slipped if you want, but it'll at least establish that you're trying. If that works, maybe finding some kind of safe way to let those impulses out like a pillow or something can help avoid issues in the future.
Regardless, I do hope it goes well. I get having one impulsive moment put you in a difficult position, it really sucks.