I bought the SN

[lyles]

So, I just ordered it from . It's shipping and will arrive by the 14th. I don't know if I will take it soon or not, or if at all. I desperately don't want to be alive at this moment but I feel that I have an obligation to live for my families sake. My mom has said that if I ever die she would be at risk herself, which I would hate, and one of my brothers is already struggling with his mental health too. And my dad has family members whose health means they likely won't be alive for many more years either. So me leaving I know would devastate all of them. It is hard, I don't know what to do. Only what I want, which is both to ctb and to have my family be safe and happy. It's a hard place to be in. I deeply hope that I just get into an accident or have a sudden health issue that will kill me instead. I don't know.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much, but I understand not wanting to cause pain to others. For me personally, if I was living only for others I would find that to be unbearable. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[lyles]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much, but I understand not wanting to cause pain to others. For me personally, if I was living only for others I would find that to be unbearable. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

Thank you so much, the kindness and understanding is very much appreciated. It means a lot. I am sending you my best wishes too.

 

[Rob1984]

You keeping yourself alive so they don't have to feel the pain of your passing tells me you really have a heart. I know that difficult conflicting feeling where you really want to free yourself of suffering, but you know you will hurt people if you choose to ctb, so you feel torn with what to do. It almost doesn't feel fair that you have to "choose" between the two, and that there doesn't seem to be a happy medium where everyone wins :( It's tough.

Btw, I like your profile pic, it's cool. Idk who she is lol, but it's a neat photo :D

 

[Starchaser]

I find myself in the same situation, I'm just prolonging it to see how far I can get, so I don't damage my family and some friends.
Every second we live in pain is one second less they will have pain with our departure.
I still have some important things to do, like making sure my family never has to work again, but I confess I'm feeling lost.

I believe that time will show us the way, I know it's a hard decision (in any way), but i'm hoping all the best for you!

 

[lyles]

You keeping yourself alive so they don't have to feel the pain of your passing tells me you really have a heart. I know that difficult conflicting feeling where you really want to free yourself of suffering, but you know you will hurt people if you choose to ctb, so you feel torn with what to do. It almost doesn't feel fair that you have to "choose" between the two, and that there doesn't seem to be a happy medium where everyone wins :( It's tough.

Btw, I like your profile pic, it's cool. Idk who she is lol, but it's a neat photo :D

Thank you so much for your kindness. It is a struggle that I don't think people outside of this space really understand. But your consideration genuinely helps. <3

And thank you!! It is Starfire from the original Teen Titans comics! She is my favorite character so I just use her as my icon! :D Your looks kinda familiar, is it the background from some sort of anime?

 

[Rob1984]

Thank you so much for your kindness. It is a struggle that I don't think people outside of this space really understand. But your consideration genuinely helps. <3

And thank you!! It is Starfire from the original Teen Titans comics! She is my favorite character so I just use her as my icon! :D Your looks kinda familiar, is it the background from some sort of anime?

Holy shit, I didn't even know Teen Titans was a comic lmao! That shows how little I know about comic books..... When I think of Teen Titans, i think of the cartoon network show that came out when I was a kid. And I know her character on the cartoon show, so it's fascinating to see what she looked like in the (original?) comics.

And noooo my pic is the design on a guitar from my favorite musician (Eddie Van Halen). If you type his name + guitar, you'll see it. But it's a pretty basic design, so I wouldn't doubt you've seen a similar art design somewhere else (like an anime)

 

[lyles]

I find myself in the same situation, I'm just prolonging it to see how far I can get, so I don't damage my family and some friends.
Every second we live in pain is one second less they will have pain with our departure.
I still have some important things to do, like making sure my family never has to work again, but I confess I'm feeling lost.

I believe that time will show us the way, I know it's a hard decision (in any way), but i'm hoping all the best for you!

I am hoping the best for you too! I don't know any easy answers, but I hope you find some peace with wherever things take you. It is clear you have a very sweet heart.

Holy shit, I didn't even know Teen Titans was a comic lmao! That shows how little I know about comic books..... When I think of Teen Titans, i think of the cartoon network show that came out when I was a kid. And I know her character on the cartoon show, so it's fascinating to see what she looked like in the (original?) comics.

Haha, yeah! The comics are pretty different from the cartoon, but I loved the cartoon as a kid too. But definitely some of the characters got a makeover from their original designs in the comics!

And noooo my pic is the design on a guitar from my favorite musician (Eddie Van Halen). If you type his name + guitar, you'll see it. But it's a pretty basic design, so I wouldn't doubt you've seen a similar art design somewhere else (like an anime)

That is so cool!! Do you play guitar at all yourself?

 

[Rob1984]

That is so cool!! Do you play guitar at all yourself?

Yes. It's my main hobby :) I didn't have many friends in school growing up, so I spent a lot of time after school just playing guitar.

 

[lyles]

Yes. It's my main hobby :) I didn't have many friends in school growing up, so I spent a lot of time after school just playing guitar.

That is amazing!!! If you ever post your music anywhere you should link it!! :D