Method I apparently can't die

[Volatile]

... idk why you are saying this ...he attempted a lot of times and failed but that doesnt mean he's an attention seeker ... fighting your survival instinct needs a lot of tries ... and i understand his reasons for using poisoning because it's easier to drink something potentially lethal than hanging or stabbing yourself ...i am weak and i cannot do these methods ...this is why i feel even more trapped ... and this makes me suffer even more...but it's natural ...we are not attention seekers for being scared ...

You're right. I'm sorry

 

[throwaway777]

You're right. I'm sorry

hugs<333

 

[Limbo]

... idk why you are saying this ...he attempted a lot of times and failed but that doesnt mean he's an attention seeker ... fighting your survival instinct needs a lot of tries ... and i understand his reasons for using poisoning because it's easier to drink something potentially lethal than hanging or stabbing yourself ...i am weak and i cannot do these methods ...this is why i feel even more trapped ... and this makes me suffer even more...but it's natural ...we are not attention seekers for being scared ...

then why attempt? Thats what confuses me. If you use these attempts you are not thinking straight and you need mental help. Suicide should be a well though out decision. If you arent capable of that, you shouldnt be commiting suicide.

 

[throwaway777]

then why attempt? Thats what confuses me. If you use these attempts you are not thinking straight and you need mental help. Suicide should be a well though out decision. If you arent capable of that, you shouldnt be commiting suicide.

because we are suffering … and i think that suffering and fear make everyone a little anxious… i did a lot of stupid attempts in the past … my mind was and is so confused and foggy .. i cant concentrate .. i cant see my thoughts , everything around me is grey … but i can feel … being alive hurts me … and wanting to escape suffering is the most natural thing for me … i dont see attention seeking in all of this … once i discovered this place i understood that i had to consider a lot of things before attempting again … i was so ignorant … but that does not make me an attention seeker … i am still confused on everything… i am scared of suffering even more … but i know that i cant live like this and there's a big potential for things getting even worse ...there's no light here in this life for me … (sorry for my english)

 

[Limbo]

because we are suffering … and i think that suffering and fear make everyone a little anxious… i did a lot of stupid attempts in the past … my mind was and is so confused and foggy .. i cant concentrate .. i cant see my thoughts , everything around me is grey … but i can feel … being alive hurts me … and wanting to escape suffering is the most natural thing for me … i dont see attention seeking in all of this … once i discovered this place i understood that i had to consider a lot of things before attempting again … i was so ignorant … but that does not make me an attention seeker … i am still confused on everything… i am scared of suffering even more … but i know that i cant live like this and there's a big potential for things getting even worse ...there's no light here in this life for me … (sorry for my english)

ignorance really? I first attempted my suicide at age 11(very stupid and impulsive) and even then I looked for a lethal method. Execution was just poor. If your head is not in the right place as an adult to look for a good way of dying, you should be seeking therapy. end of. Suicide needs to be a rational decision.

 

[s_girl]

Hello all. I'm Magnus, no, it's not my real name but it's what you can call me. I've been actively suicidal for several months now. I've made several attempts which I will detail following so you can learn from my mistakes. Hope you guys have an easier time than I did. Each of these attempts required me to take at least one week to recover from the effects of the attempt and at least another week to gather courage to try again or find ways to try something new. This is what has taken so long. I find myself unable to cause myself direct physical harm, such as stabbing myself or driving my car into traffic. This has limited my options severely, and poisoning has been my go to choice. My body is incredibly durable to harm that comes to it and with no major allergies, ailments, or natural ways to ctb, It's been quite an adventure trying to end my life.

A side note, all versions of Tylenol listed below are Meijer Brand Arthritis Strength 650mg tablets

Attempt #1 Medicine Overdose

My first attempt I tried taking three times my normal amount of medicine I take at night

Reason for Failure:None of the meds would kill me if overdosed
Side Effects:Headache

Notes:This was my first, half-hearted attempt and I'm not sure if I expected it to work or not as I never even looked into what would happen if I took them all at once


Attempt #2 Cold Medicine

For the first try I downed 2 full bottles of acetaminophen full cold medicine, along with about 20 Tylenol pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Felt like head was full of cotton, vomiting, slept for nearly 24 hours, lightheadedness

Notes: As with all my attempts with Tylenol and acetaminophen, I'm still unsure why this didn't work


Attempt #3 Water poisoning

Next I drank 3 gallons of water in 6 hours

Reason for failure: My survival instinct would not let me down the water fast enough and the poisoning was unable to work correctly

Side Effects: Constant urination, headache, loss of appetite

Notes: I don't know if I expected this one to truly work or not, I wasn't fully aware of how to properly do this method


Attempt #4 Bitter Apricot Kernels

I bought 2 and a half pounds of bitter apricot kernels from a local organic health food store and used a blender to chop them up. I then baked the chopped nuts into brownies

Reason for failure: Baking/Cooking stone pit kernels makes them safe to eat, and to work correctly they must be eaten all at once, not slowly over two days

Side Effects: None other than a really nasty taste

Notes: I didn't find out until much later about the actual toxicity of cyanide poisoning from stone pits like this, much to my dismay


Attempt #5 Apple Seeds

I bought dozens of apples and saved the seeds, eating the seeds all at once

Reason for failure: Not enough seeds

Side Effects: None noted

Notes: While I attempted this once, I failed to gather the courage to try again. Also, note that apple seeds must be chewed for this to work, if you simply swallow them they pass through you. My advice if you choose this method, gather as many apple seeds as you can, at least more than 60, and chew them all at once. It will be unpleasant but it'll do the job better than other stone pits


Attempt #6 Tylenol pills #1- 40 pills

Reason for failure: Unknown

Side Effects: Headache, vomiting, sleeping for nearly 24 hours, stomachache, and when taking these you get this smell in your nose like you've inhaled crushed Tylenol.

Notes: I took these pills on an empty stomach and vomited early, and on my next try I had food in my stomach, so for my third try I ate before hand, and still this method failed


Attempt #7 Tylenol pills #2- 70 pills

After the lower amount failed, I figured I'd up the amount of pills

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Same

Notes: I'm unsure why this many pills failed to kill me. So I upped the amount again


Attempt #8 Tylenol pills #3- 90 pills

After 70 pills failed to ctb, I wanted to take 100 pills, but I couldn't stomach them, but I nearly finished the 2 bottles of 50 pills.

Reason for failure: Every website agreed that the amount needed to kill someone was 16,000 mg and 90 pills equated to nearly 60,000 mg, almost 4 times the amount agreed upon. Why this time didn't ctb I still don't know

Side Effects: Same

Notes: Nearly 100 Tylenol pills and I faced no long term effects. I recently had blood work done and nothing unusual showed up in my liver panel and other bloodwork which means that all of the acetaminophen I ingested not only failed to ctb in the massive amounts that I took but also failed to cause any damage, which is astounding


Attempt #9 Cherry Pits

When Cherries came into season, I bought 2 bulging bags, about 3-4 pounds worth, and blended them all up, pits and all (I removed the stems, though). I then drank the blended cherries hoping that the cyanide in them would work as planned

Reason For Failure: I suspect I didn't have enough cherries, and I drank the mixture in halves separated by 3-4 hours, so it may have also been a time limit

Side Effects: constipation, stomachache

Notes:Cherry pits have a considerably less amount of cyanide in them that apple seeds. If this is the method you choose, go with apple seeds, they amount faster and are easier to swallow.


Attempt #10 Castor Bean

I read that Ricin is a powerful poison, so I ordered small castor beans from Etsy and ate them

Reason for failure:Unknown

Side Effects:Burning mouth, violent vomiting, diarrhea

Notes: I ate these in their shell in some baked beans. I DO NOT recommend this. It was completely disgusting and I still gag thinking about it, the shells crush in a really disgusting way


Attempt #11 Large Castor Bean #1

After the failure of the small castor bean, I bought large ones from Etsy.

Reason for Failure:Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: This time I ate them, again in their shell, in an instant brownie microwave meal. I still can't stomach the food anymore


Attempt #12 Large Castor Bean #2

With some left over Castor beans, I boiled them and ate them as they were. They were gross but mostly stayed down until later that night when they came up again, just like the others

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: Same

Notes: Castor beans taste disgusting. If they work for you, great. But they taste horrible and the side effects are the second worst of all methods I've tried


Attempt #13 Pong Pong Seed

I bought multiple Pong Pong seeds from Ebay, the only place that I could find multiple sellers for them. I bought seeds from 5 different sellers, a total of 21 seeds. The Kernels inside were so dried and dead they wouldn't even grow if planted, let alone work for the intended purpose. I finally found two seeds that had a perfect kernel that was healthy and would work. I cooked some dirty rice and ate them, having read that the pong pong seed flavor can be disguised with spicy food. Let me be clear, when they say spicy, they mean really spicy, because the pong pong seeds are completely gross. I'm gagging now just typing this.

Reason for Failure: Unknown
Side Effects: light vomiting, diarrhea, burning mouth, these seeds also made me sick for a few days, and have the worst, most unpleasant side effects of anything I've tried so far

Notes: If you can disguise the taste and have a less durable body this method may work for you. But let me be clear, if you choose the pong pong seed, choose how you eat it carefully, because it is the most disgusting thing I've ever had the misfortune to put in my mouth


This coming Saturday I'm heading down to a Halloween Party, where I've decided to try Zip-ties around the neck. I doubt my body can fight off suffocation like it apparently can poisoning

Hi Magnus, it sounds like you've been through a rough time. I'm glad you've found the right place. There's lots of information and helpful people here. Good luck with your researching.

 

[throwaway777]

ignorance really? I first attempted my suicide at age 11(very stupid and impulsive) and even then I looked for a lethal method. Execution was just poor. If your head is not in the right place as an adult to look for a good way of dying, you should be seeking therapy. end of. Suicide needs to be a rational decision.

i agree with u ...i looked for a potentially lethal method too when i first attempted ...from the internet ...but it was not enought … i was ignorant in the sense that i was so naive and didnt consider some risks ..but as i said , i realized then that i needed to be more careful on how to do it if i didnt want to fail and make things worse… but anyway now i know these things but the same reasons that led me some years ago to attempt are the same reasons for me now ... it was not a matter of not rationalising suicide as a way that could end my suffering but it's that i needed to realize that i was doing it in the wrong way ... but anyway what i was trying to say was that for me there's no reason for calling magnus an attention seeker ... we know nothing about him .. and we cannot judge him for failing ... we all have our past stories of failed attempts.. he know the mistakes that he made ...and he can search now how he can prevent them ... ah and sorry i feel so dizzy right now and maybe what i said is all wrong .. idk .. i just wanted to defend marcus ..

 

[Arak]

@Sayo ,

Sodium azide painful ? I would kind of expect it, but Nitschke doesn't write it is. I checked the ppeh august 2018.

@Magnus , I'm not recommending something but 50 grams ? There may be such a thing as too much ... check before you act.

 

[Magnus]

@Sayo ,

Sodium azide painful ? I would kind of expect it, but Nitschke doesn't write it is. I checked the ppeh august 2018.

@Magnus , I'm not recommending something but 50 grams ? There may be such a thing as too much ... check before you act.

I'm really leaning more towards 20 ish, I have a nice little bottle that holds 20 ml that I can transport easily in my pocket and pour in a small amount of water when it's time. This can also be used for SN, it's glass with a plastic lid for scientific grade materials. I can't find any proper information on how long the process takes or how much to take like SN, so I'm beginning to consider SN instead

 

[Magnus]

ignorance really? I first attempted my suicide at age 11(very stupid and impulsive) and even then I looked for a lethal method. Execution was just poor. If your head is not in the right place as an adult to look for a good way of dying, you should be seeking therapy. end of. Suicide needs to be a rational decision.

Did you know I attempted suicide at age 11? made a little will and everything. Tried overdosing on Tylenol then. I also tried again at 14, same method. Rash and impulsive, but the desperate needs to pass on didn't show up until this year. And contrary to what everyone here thinks, I actually did research my methods. Whenever I got an idea to try, I looked up the side effects, how much it would hurt, and how much I needed of that process to work. Some of my research was spotty but from what I could find, half of these should have worked. I didn't find out until after the fact that the cyanide in stone pits from fruit isn't very lethal, but every source I could find told me the Tylenol overdose, pong pong seed, and castor beans should have worked. So I tried them.
The reason I made this post wasn't for attention, it was so other could see what happened when I tried these and not use these methods, because I'd seen some other posts trying these methods and I wanted to share my experience, limited though it is. I am fully in control of my actions, and 100% willing to follow through with my course of action. And I'm aware, every minute, that I can get help if I want to. I was in therapy before and it wouldn't take much to go back. But I make my choice not to. I chose this course of action, and I am planning to follow through, one way or another.