I apologize

[Enigma25]

I realize I've been going about this all wrong. My posts probably made me look immature. I thought what I was feeling was normal in terms of the "community". There's what this place is, and what I WANTED IT to be. No one in the right mind is going to help me kill myself. Not even people who have ideations too. Don't get me wrong, I still want to die, and I will still search for a method that will take me out similar to SN if I can't get SN at all. Within that, I now have a new empathy for the people I'm involuntarily involving by asking. Whether they genuinely care, or feel the burden of moral obligation, they get a bit worried. It's gotta be emotionally draining speaking to someone like me, who's tenacious and determined when a goal is in mind.

I apologize sincerely

 

[Griever]

 

[Diceroller90]

Hi,

I was one of the people in your other thread. I don't know what happened between yesterday and today, but it is obvious something knocked you off balance. I saw some hope in you yesterday when you were in the recovery board talking about new puppy that is coming soon. I was the guy who told you that all your puppy is going to want to do is study you to see how to brighten your day. It is what dogs do. It is how they think.

If I could just ask for your trust and hear me out. When we backslide in recovery, it hits like a semi-truck. All the foundation we built we feel it crumble beneath us. Look at my account age. I was here in 2020 and left after a few weeks to start the same path you are walking now. I was doing great until the weight of my age got mixed with a horrible fight where I was told I was burden by one of the few people who I hold dear in my life.

Afterwards I just slid, and slid hard. I gave up hope, I gave up wanting to try, I could not answer a reason. I came here after 5 years with determination to end it all. Yet someone took the time to speak to me. They had other problems to deal with, but just having them distract me was enough for me to just hold off for one more day and I am glad I did since it led to a heart to heart with that person who said I was a burden and they out of the blue apologized to me for saying that. They said they were so upset they just blurted it out to hurt me, not because they meant it. I saw in their eyes they truly cared about me. I was going to kill myself over a lie. A lie that I believed, a lie I thought I had evidence backing up, but a lie nonetheless.

I don't know your situation, but I do understand depression from a first hand account and I have read a lot about it academically over the years. We are biased observers of our own lives and we look at things negatively which in turn reinforces our negative bias. There is hope. It is not easy, but there is hope. I saw it in you yesterday. I didn't see an emotional draining burden like you think you are. I saw someone who went through an ordeal, but managed to garner enough hope to want to try.

 

[Enigma25]

Hi,

I was one of the people in your other thread. I don't know what happened between yesterday and today, but it is obvious something knocked you off balance. I saw some hope in you yesterday when you were in the recovery board talking about new puppy that is coming soon. I was the guy who told you that all your puppy is going to want to do is study you to see how to brighten your day. It is what dogs do. It is how they think.

If I could just ask for your trust and hear me out. When we backslide in recovery, it hits like a semi-truck. All the foundation we built we feel it crumble beneath us. Look at my account age. I was here in 2020 and left after a few weeks to start the same path you are walking now. I was doing great until the weight of my age got mixed with a horrible fight where I was told I was burden by one of the few people who I hold dear in my life.

Afterwards I just slid, and slid hard. I gave up hope, I gave up wanting to try, I could not answer a reason. I came here after 5 years with determination to end it all. Yet someone took the time to speak to me. They had other problems to deal with, but just having them distract me was enough for me to just hold off for one more day and I am glad I did since it led to a heart to heart with that person who said I was a burden and they out of the blue apologized to me for saying that. They said they were so upset they just blurted it out to hurt me, not because they meant it. I saw in their eyes they truly cared about me. I was going to kill myself over a lie. A lie that I believed, a lie I thought I had evidence backing up, but a lie nonetheless.

I don't know your situation, but I do understand depression from a first hand account and I have read a lot about it academically over the years. We are biased observers of our own lives and we look at things negatively which in turn reinforces our negative bias. There is hope. It is not easy, but there is hope. I saw it in you yesterday. I didn't see an emotional draining burden like you think you are. I saw someone who went through an ordeal, but managed to garner enough hope to want to try.

Beautifully spoken. I just kinda go up and down, but i understand that I am down. I seem to get depressed when in office so I'm glad it's the weekend