I am strangely jealous

[Tintypographer]

Jealous of the ones who have caught the bus and had the strength to tell us where they are and then go peacefully. To not have those cares anymore sounds so very joyful and peaceful.

 

[faust]

Yes, I agree with you. I am so tired of everything, can't wait to leave my struggles away from me.
However, this and last week I am a little bit afraid because have a slight nausea which does not bother me much but is not a good sign if I want to drink SN.
Although, when I smoke weed, I feel no more nausea and even if I try to pay attention to it, it is non existent. Weed seems a nice anti-nausea drug.

 

[Tintypographer]

I think that cannab

Yes, I agree with you. I am so tired of everything, can't wait to leave my struggles away from me.
However, this and last week I am a little bit afraid because have a slight nausea which does not bother me much but is not a good sign if I want to drink SN.
Although, when I smoke weed, I feel no more nausea and even if I try to pay attention to it, it is non existent. Weed seems a nice anti-nausea drug.

I think that cannabis is a pretty well know anti nausea drug for sure.
Although I do feel a sense of sad and even a little anxiety over seeing someone I've beeñ reading and learning about posting their last few posts and then sort of capturing their thoughts of feeling dizzy or lightheaded or nauseous then the rest of us responding with sympathy and good wishes. It's a strange mix of emotions.

 

[mathieu]

I'm jealous of the dead, too. I feel like such a weak piece of shit for failing to take the same path.

 

[Tintypographer]

I'm jealous of the dead, too. I feel like such a weak piece of shit for failing to take the same path.

I don't think you're weak. It's true you're probably tired, depressed, unhappy and frustrated to name a few emotions but not weak. It's just not the point where you have to make a decision and you may not ever have to. That's ok as well. This would be the biggest decision of anyone's life! It's totally ok to be completely hesitant and not even able to think about it.

 

[theguineapigking]

Same. I hate it. The bad thing is that if I'm angry, I cool off fast. It's like that with all of my emotions, on top of the fact that they're usually dull. So that makes it harder to ctb(my family is holding me back though).


If I could just hold onto my anger for a bit longer at once, I'd have ctb by now. But without that anger and sadness on hand, I can't overcome my love for my family.

I'm so sorry for all of you in the same boat. It's hard to want to ctb, but not to be able to get to that point where you're ready to.


@mathieu, like @Tintypographer said, you're not weak. It's perfectly normal to feel how you do in this situation. You're not alone dude. I'm sorry that you have to suffer too:(

Yes, I agree with you. I am so tired of everything, can't wait to leave my struggles away from me.
However, this and last week I am a little bit afraid because have a slight nausea which does not bother me much but is not a good sign if I want to drink SN.
Although, when I smoke weed, I feel no more nausea and even if I try to pay attention to it, it is non existent. Weed seems a nice anti-nausea drug.

It sounds cool, but I don't know if weed is a dopamine antagonist. It may not help much with your stomach rejecting the sn(at least it would help with prior existing nausea). Maybe you know more about this than me though..


Best wishes.