I am sorry

[edu0z]

Last night I committed my first suicide attempt. I had planned to drown in the pool (yes, I know it's not peaceful, the truth was that I didn't care I just wanted to die). Everything was going well, I lost consciousness after a lot of struggle underwater. But apparently my neighbor heard the noise and came out just in time to get me out of the pool... wake up in the ambulance. Now I'm on my way to my grandparents' house where apparently "there is no danger to me" (haha they don't know what I'm capable of). I write this from the mobile in the back seat of the car, my father and mother really do not know what to tell me, they have not even talked to me. They are disappointed and I understand that. I doubt they will let me connect to the internet again in a long time.

The thing is, I wanted to apologize to the people in the forum. I shouldn't post that I was going to do CTB that same night. This is a place to help people who are desperate, and yes, I know there are many who want it for a long time, but there are also people who are undecided about what to do. People who still see a light. And I get it, life can sometimes be a bitch.

But if only one of those people who was undecided, decided to do CTB after reading my post, I would never forgive myself. And maybe I'm an egocentric, but I won't have a clear conscience until I say the following:

Life is not so bad. Yes, I know, there are troubles, there are traumas that are difficult to overcome, even situations that seem to have no way out. But the truth is that in most situations we can emerge victorious if we do not give up and think a little.

I was very unlucky at birth, and I know that many feel the same as me. I would want to be someone else, so I could enjoy the world and everything in it. I have a disease called "Fibromyalgia." I wouldn't like to go into clinical detail, but that means that for me, life is literally pain. There are better times and worse times, but usually existing is pain for me. When I am in crisis, I can't hug anyone, nor cover myself with a blanket, even the rubbing of the wind on my face is as if my skin burns in flames.

many times I read their posts, I don't say anything so as not to bother anyone... but most of the time when one of you tells your life, I think I would like to be that person. I think that I would give everything I have to leave my body and take the place of that person who desperately wants to end his life. And yes, I know, there are lives and lives. But please keep that in mind.

I don't want to kill myself, but I must. The pain is getting worse...

I'm not here to judge. Sometimes the only way out is to end everything. It's a cowardly thing, but it doesn't matter your honor when the only thing you want is to end the pain whether it's mental or physical.

So please... see your life from the outside... a global vision. Is it really that bad? Is there really no way out?

Thank you for letting me be part of the forum.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm not here to judge. Sometimes the only way out is to end everything. It's a cowardly thing, but it doesn't matter your honor when the only thing you want is to end the pain whether it's mental or physical.

I sincerely wish you relief from pain, but if you're not here to judge, don't call suicide a cowardly thing...

 

[PeacefulTonic]

You have a debilitating illness. I'd say you have it much worse than most. You deserve to find some peace. You didn't ask for this

 

[Dot]

I have a disease called "Fibromyalgia." I wouldn't like to go into clinical detail, but that means that for me, life is literally pain.

I don't want to kill myself, but I must. The pain is getting worse...

Advise checking Mickel Therapy online, and 'Irene Lyon Fibromyalgia' on Youtube. Mainstream docs know little about nervous system conditions.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.
I really hope you're feeling a little bit better now…..

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is very cruel and unfair. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a horrible disease. The human body can be a prison. In regards to ctb, we all have the right to exit this world at a time of our choosing and we do not have to justify our reasons for leaving. We have no obligations to stay alive as we did not ask to exist. Suicide is not cowardly, it is very difficult as we are programmed to survive. Anyway, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

True, some have it harder than others. I, myself have all the opportunities that one could wish for and I still have been suicidal for years, fearing to get worse sometimes, feeling well and then falling again. The thing is, not having mental peace is a pain, not as much as physical pain but still can push one over the edge. Both, those who suffer from physical pain and mental pain, have one thing in common: existence hurts on it's own way. Some may give everything to live in my circumstances and I would give myself up so another one can take my opportunities but is not possible.

To each one their pain, to each one their struggle.

Best of luck.