I am so pissed off that I have to do everything alone

[Sleepdrifter]

Doing things alone is supposed to be empowering right? No it isn't. I have to go to work alone, fight my battles alone, buy groceries alone, always by myself. Every night and weekend alone. No family contact because they are seriously messed up and no friends because I have had to keep moving around in order to survive. No real long term plan because anything that really mattered to me is gone. So I am one pissed off bastard. And don't get me started it is about how hard meeting people can be. You never know who you can trust. And why would they trust someone who hates themselves so much. It's not about getting help although that would mean an incredible amount. It's simply having someone there that won't disappear or put their own family first. I can't believe I'm doing this all alone. I don't know how to look at myself or take myself seriously.

 

[Sarosusiel]

I highly recommend a dog for that issue.

 

[Zegers]

Loneliness in the long term is really complicated.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Doing things alone is supposed to be empowering right? No it isn't. I have to go to work alone, fight my battles alone, buy groceries alone, always by myself. Every night and weekend alone. No family contact because they are seriously messed up and no friends because I have had to keep moving around in order to survive. No real long term plan because anything that really mattered to me is gone. So I am one pissed off bastard. And don't get me started it is about how hard meeting people can be. You never know who you can trust. And why would they trust someone who hates themselves so much. It's not about getting help although that would mean an incredible amount. It's simply having someone there that won't disappear or put their own family first. I can't believe I'm doing this all alone. I don't know how to look at myself or take myself seriously.

Hello @Sleepdrifter,
How terrible life can be when you are totally alone?
In front of the huge burden your life has thrown,
You are sole weightlifter.

I wish you find your best friend,
But you never know who you can trust,
And if the relationship will last.
You might feel like your loneliness will never end.

You said "So I am one pissed off bastard."
But please know that your voice is heard.
Even if you hate yourself you deserve trust.
You don't have to bite the dust.


I'm so sorry that you are in such a depressing place, and I can't find the right word to console you - you are right, sometimes meeting new people can be extremely hard.
Human beings are social creature - If I lost everyone, including family and friends, I would go insane and CTB.
A stranger on the internet, like me, might not be the best person to encourage you, but I can't help but wish you the best luck - may you find your best friend IRL

I was extremely lucky - I no longer can connect to anybody who is "normal", but I could find my friends in a... psych ward. And I'm alive because of this miracle. They are definitely a godsend for me and I'm deeply grateful for it