I have ADHD as well, so I can definitely relate to u. But if u haven't attempted to seek help, then it's worth it to give it a shot.
I've been through psychology, psychiatry and out-patient (was close to in-patient). Sometimes it's as if I'm on my path to getting up and I just jump away. I think to myself that I'm fine and I just end up like this. I don't think I'm properly depressed. I just get very down and tired when im in my down time. I'm also becoming rude to people, which isn't me. Maybe I'm burnt out with the added effect of my previous severe depression.
Whatever it is, I can't help but get pissed off with myself everyday. Just doing stupid shit without thinking. Sometimes it'll take me 10 minutes to read a sentence because I just don't process it, constantly re-reading, concentrating like a fucking spastic on each word. Forgetting everything all the fucking time. I'm sure you understand.
It sounds like an exhausting battle and it's understandable that you feel like giving into it. I can hear how much life is getting you down and things keep building up.
It sounds like you're pretty torn about what to do so probably not best time to make any rash decisions. If part of you wants to seek help, maybe it's worth a shot ? What have you got to lose ? Maybe check recovery section then you can get a better idea of what to expect if you do go down that road . If getting help doesn't work out then you can come back here and you've always got that option and the resources here.
It's your decision though and no one can tell you what to do. I hope you can find peace whatever you choose. And you don't have to rush any decisions, consider all your options first.
Here to listen if you want to talk through options or what scares you about getting help or if you just wanna vent ?
I'm not at the stage where I constantly feel like dying, only sometimes. I know life is valuable but I have also lost a lot of value for my life. That was my excuse to smoke 20 a day, my excuse to cut back to 10 is because I can't afford it.
I should get help, because that's what is expected. But half of me feels careless, as if I want to see myself slip kind of like it's an easier option. Atm I'm feeling fine, but I know the second I am not doing something, I'll become a husk.
I appreciate you offering your ear.
Yes. Slipping....!
When you see the same fault over and over again, I think that really is oneself.
The experience in my head is quite similar to yours. I'm slipping further and further to the grave but I'm just indifferent. It's good a part of you still wants help. Have as much hope as it is sensible to have.
The more defects in myself I see, the more I know it's effectively "unfixable", the more I hate myself, the more I wanna ctb.
It's constant, for example I was working on an interior panel. They use clips to stay up, the clip got stuck in the car body so I had to pry it out and place it into the interior panel.
Well I dropped the clip down a hole in the body so I had to find it. Then when I finally get it after 10 minutes since I started. I just put it back into the body. Then I repeat this over 3 times. All while I'm punching myself in the head because I'm such a fucking retard, I can't do shit normally. Always fucking up without my control.
I supposed it is good that I recognise the need for help. ATM I just cbf. Smoke until I die slowly from pneumonia or whatever the fuck other diseases I'll get.
