I am planning on standing in front of a train

[Natbee]

Just looking at idea to overdose on a large amount of benzodiazepines and walk in front of a train. I just don't know if that's the wrong thing to do? I feel like my SN from Ukraine is never going to arrive. I need an out and soon. This isn't a quick fix, I have felt like th end for a while now and I have sorted out my finances and a will. Decluttered my house and now I feel it's time.

 

[b1cycle]

That seems unfair to the train driver that needs to witness it. But I guess whoever finds your body, no matter what your method, is going to be traumatized anyways.

 

[wine is fine but]

Just looking at idea to overdose on a large amount of benzodiazepines and walk in front of a train. I just don't know if that's the wrong thing to do? I feel like my SN from Ukraine is never going to arrive. I need an out and soon. This isn't a quick fix, I have felt like th end for a while now and I have sorted out my finances and a will. Decluttered my house and now I feel it's time.

i want to be happy that you are still here - i was hoping you hadn't left us

the train option is not very fair for the driver. it will be horrific and very unfair for them. hopefully you can find another option. seeing someone die is one thing. being in control of the vehicle that kills them is something else entirely

 

[ginadu]

Finding someone and having the responsibility of having killed someone are two different things. Trains are full of passengers too.
Sorting out your will etc. shows you are very serious. I was at that point a few weeks ago but a short stay in a psychiatrist ward helped. Mostly because it showed me that I have a good life and a lot less issues than most of those inpatients.It's a fight every day to stay alive still though. Hoping to try some new medication. Keep thinking of what it would do to my family. Although things have been bleak for ages I have had one or two good days with my family this week. That gives me hope that the real me is still in there somewhere. When I was going through the planning and prep stage like you I completely withdrew from my family and started binge drinking. Try not to isolate yourself. Reach out to family and friends. Engage with life.