Venting I am paralyzed by survival instinct just to buy materials

[cursedbynature64]

I finally have the opportunity to go and purchase necessary materials for night night without suspicion, but I am paralyzed in the Walmart parking lot.

I live with my family, and I don't go out much, so it would be very out of the ordinary for me to go out to shop on my own, and then come home with items that nobody is allowed to see what it is. Nobody has any reason to believe I want to ctb, but it would still be strange and they'd ask questions, just innocently really.

I don't even intend on using it in the near future, I just want to have it so that it's already available to me if I need it.

The survival instinct won't even let me buy something I'm not even ready to use.

I'm hoping that shortly after I post this I'll feel up to just going in the store, just to know where the products are for the next time I have an opportunity.

 

[cursedbynature64]

Now that I'm home, without the materials, I am so mad at myself and regretting not getting them

 

[ilovemydog]

Aww I'm in the same boat. But we shouldn't get frustrated at ourselves. We're in enough pain as it is

 

[Otaku]

I am also kind of stuck there.
It has really surprised me, how strong the instinct is. It's pretty hard to cheat your self, and your brain in the progress.