I am oversharing in my self-help group - I feel ashamed

[noname223]

I tend to become close to psychotic at that day and I am sharing way too intimate things in that group. Especially my love paranoia. I think two of them found that funny. I think they consider me a loser or/and insane. I think the next time I will elaborate on my child abuse and plans to kill myself. Mostly to save my honor. The statement yes I am a loser but it is not my fault. And emphasizing that I have the determination to end my pathetic life because of it. Though it will be important to insist it is not acute suicidality. And I will say that already two therapists think I gonna kill myself. And that there is no more help possible according to them.

I had the whole day today love delusions. 2 hours ago I considered them the factual reality.
Paranoid I don't have control anymore. I share too much. I don't know on SaSu there is anonymity. This forum is one of my last refuges.

Just another reason to kill myself. Sorry I really have to say it unironically my life is a torture simulation. (crying) There are so much evidence for that. People laugh at delusional people. I really hope that all of them are there next week. I want to tell them (it were only 1-2 people who considered it funny) about what they actually laugh. A person that was abused since the age of 5, bullied at school for years every single day, suicidal since more than a decade, given up by therapists, going through a living hell on a daily basis.

Well my friends also don't know what to say anymore. I think they currently try to sugarcoat it that these people in that group look down at me. At least someone on here recommended me Lil happy lil sad to distract me.

 

[meltdown]

That is nothing to be ashamed of. I feel I do this as well and love anonymous spaces for that reason. Maybe it is from being desperate for attention or connection.

It definitely tends to make people think you're nuts though. IME

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's really brave to be so open with people. I'm not sure I could do it face to face. They ought to be more mature and have more respect. Have you looked into 'limerance'. I'd say I suffered from it a lot and am still prone to it but- knowing that has at least helped me curb my obsessiveness from becoming years and years of crazy obsessive (and utterly pointless) crushes. Honestly- I must have gone through maybe 12-13 years obsessing over various people.

 

[noname223]

I think it's really brave to be so open with people. I'm not sure I could do it face to face. They ought to be more mature and have more respect. Have you looked into 'limerance'. I'd say I suffered from it a lot and am still prone to it but- knowing that has at least helped me curb my obsessiveness from becoming years and years of crazy obsessive (and utterly pointless) crushes. Honestly- I must have gone through maybe 12-13 years obsessing over various people.

I rather think my past psychoses nudged my thoughts into such obessive patterns. I think the chances I will ever have a partner is pretty low. I am getting paranoid pretty quickly at the first or second contact. Some women gave me another chance and we really had a good chemistry but the stigma around that is way too much for most people. Sadly.

This feeling of loneliness will be pretty bad during the holidays (because recently this repeated itself twice). But it comforts me that I will kill myself one day and spare me a couple more decades of these lonely, anxious and depressing daily routines.

 

[Kit1]

It is a self help group and you have had an extremely traumatic life since early childhood - your suffering is understandable acute and you have a right to your feelings and to share your feelings in a safe group (which is what a self help group is supposed to be). As long as you are not the only person talking to the point that no one else can ever talk, I really would not worry about what other people think. If someone is being heartless, immature and cruel, you need to speak to the therapists to look at reminding people of the ground rules around the meetings. As long as you are comfortable with what you are sharing, the it is okay. I respect you for speaking your mind and I am so sorry that you have had to face (been forced to face) so much terror in your life.

Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes. Take care.

 

[Kit1]

It is a self help group and you have had an extremely traumatic life since early childhood - your suffering is understandable acute and you have a right to your feelings and to share your feelings in a safe group (which is what a self help group is supposed to be). As long as you are not the only person talking to the point that no one else can ever talk, I really would not worry about what other people think. If someone is being heartless, immature and cruel, you need to speak to the therapists to look at reminding people of the ground rules around the meetings. As long as you are comfortable with what you are sharing, the it is okay. I respect you for speaking your mind and I am so sorry that you have had to face (been forced to face) so much terror in your life.

Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes. Take care.

 

[sadwriter]

I've been there with oversharing. I'm currently in a place where I'm experiencing a lot of shame & anger over the fact that I've done it so much for my whole life and feel like I've been humiliating myself all this time. I definitely feel your pain in some regard.

At the same time, though, self help/ support groups are the place where you're SUPPOSED to be "oversharing" in comparison to the real world, and if people are laughing at you and/or looking down at you in that setting, then they're in the wrong place. People should be more empathetic & understanding in spaces like that.

Also, I'm sorry that you've been through so much difficult stuff. I was bullied as a kid too. I hope that the the bullies of the world grow a sense of remorse and/or rot in the fiery pits of hell some day, lol.