I have the feeling the health of my mom could deteriorate a lot soon. I think her second stroke could leave her severely disabled. In case she dies I would ctb as soon as possible. If she is a nursing case...well I would like to kill myself in this case too but I am scared I could trigger her death...
I am pretty convinced of SN as my method of choice. Here is another thing that I noticed. I think a lethal dosage of SN does not even cost 10 bucks. This is pretty weird in comparison. I would be willing to pay more than 100 bucks for it and it is that cheap. Especially when I compare it with N. It would be way too expensive for me. Also the risk of being scammed is pretty high. Doesn't N cost several thousand bucks. The discrepancy is astonishing for me. The fact that a peaceful death does not even cost 10 bucks is surprising for me. Why are there still sellers for it? Isn't the risk of legal punishment a little bit too high? Why are people still willing to sell it?
This was sort of off-topic so far. But it keeps my head busy I am pretty suicidal and desperate currently. I imagine my suicide a lot recently. To the question in the title. I recently cried a lot in the bathtub. The bed and the bathub are my favorite places in my apartment. I would like to die in my apartment in privacy. I think the fact whether the person in the bathtub is naked can indicate whether it was murder or suicide. Most people who commit suicide do not want to be found naked. In Germany there was a very controversial suicide decades ago. A very famous politician (Uwe Barschel) committed suicide (allegedly?). There are many conspiracies around that person. He was involved in a corruption scandal and the mainstream position is he wanted to stage murder to make him look better after his death. There is a very famous picture of him dead in the bathtub (clothed by the way).
I am thinking about the pros and cons where I should kill myself in my bed or bath. In my bed it is more comfortable. It would be easier to listen to my favorite music when I die. I think in the bath I could postpone to be found more easily. Though I think I would minimize that risk already to its maximum. I clearly would not want to be naked in my bathtub.
Maybe the decision would change the way how I would be found. I am not sure I don't want to traumatize my family. But I think in either way they will feel a lot of pain. I tend to choose the bed. I don't like the light in my bath that much it feels so artificial. My bath is completely white. So maybe I would have less stimulus when I die. This can be good or bad. I want to feel as comfortable as possible.
I still try to postpone my suicide as long as possible. But a lot of bad stuff happened recently and I am scared to break completely once again.
I am pretty convinced of SN as my method of choice. Here is another thing that I noticed. I think a lethal dosage of SN does not even cost 10 bucks. This is pretty weird in comparison. I would be willing to pay more than 100 bucks for it and it is that cheap. Especially when I compare it with N. It would be way too expensive for me. Also the risk of being scammed is pretty high. Doesn't N cost several thousand bucks. The discrepancy is astonishing for me. The fact that a peaceful death does not even cost 10 bucks is surprising for me. Why are there still sellers for it? Isn't the risk of legal punishment a little bit too high? Why are people still willing to sell it?
This was sort of off-topic so far. But it keeps my head busy I am pretty suicidal and desperate currently. I imagine my suicide a lot recently. To the question in the title. I recently cried a lot in the bathtub. The bed and the bathub are my favorite places in my apartment. I would like to die in my apartment in privacy. I think the fact whether the person in the bathtub is naked can indicate whether it was murder or suicide. Most people who commit suicide do not want to be found naked. In Germany there was a very controversial suicide decades ago. A very famous politician (Uwe Barschel) committed suicide (allegedly?). There are many conspiracies around that person. He was involved in a corruption scandal and the mainstream position is he wanted to stage murder to make him look better after his death. There is a very famous picture of him dead in the bathtub (clothed by the way).
I am thinking about the pros and cons where I should kill myself in my bed or bath. In my bed it is more comfortable. It would be easier to listen to my favorite music when I die. I think in the bath I could postpone to be found more easily. Though I think I would minimize that risk already to its maximum. I clearly would not want to be naked in my bathtub.
Maybe the decision would change the way how I would be found. I am not sure I don't want to traumatize my family. But I think in either way they will feel a lot of pain. I tend to choose the bed. I don't like the light in my bath that much it feels so artificial. My bath is completely white. So maybe I would have less stimulus when I die. This can be good or bad. I want to feel as comfortable as possible.
I still try to postpone my suicide as long as possible. But a lot of bad stuff happened recently and I am scared to break completely once again.
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