Venting I am not okay

[lady sea]

My whole life I have looked forward to graduating. Whenever I was having a hard time I would tell myself "just wait until graduation" or "By graduation, everything will be better." But guess what? Nothing has gotten better and I'm not even graduating. Do you know the look I had to bare from my mother when I told her I wouldn't be able to walk the stage? I feel like shit. I tried so hard this year to make up my past mistakes to be able to graduate yet it wasn't enough. I want to ctb so fucking bad. My whole life has been a chain of endless bad events and it keeps getting worse. I have said it before and I'll say it again: I would rather kill myself than keep living this retched life. I feel like such a disappointment and loser. I'm watching and listening as all my friends talk about graduation and how they're so happy to move on and how "they made it" but really I want them all to die. Don't get me wrong I love them and I know this is selfish but really I want them all to rot in a hole somewhere. Jealousy gets the best of me when it comes to this and it's embarrassing to even admit these feelings. Call me a bad person, I DON'T CARE.
Also, high school was so bad to me. I lost all my friends and was alone the majority of the time. Junior year was especially bad- I got a really absusive girlfriend and all her friends hated and tormented me all year. I was and still am hated by the majority of my fellow 2021 class for no reason. I never got along with people I guess and that was okay... until people started spreading rumors and hate towards me. OH! And I didn't get to experience any of my senior year due to cover. Moral of the story, I fucking hated high school and it was nothing like my 10-year-old self would've imagined.
Anyways, congrats to all 2021 graduates! Hope you all die! but no hard feelings.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh dear, sorry you're going through all that!

How old r u? I think you' must be in your 20s.

I just wanna tell you that I quit university three times and got my degree when I was almost 30.

Before that, I saw LOTS of people I hated and liked getting their degrees or having lots of money while I just got more depressed and felt an underdog.

I didn't finish college for my family, the system or whatever. I just did it because I wanted to be a teacher.

Society can go f*ck themselves.

You might've lost the battle this time but as long as you stand up, there will always be a rematch.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[lady sea]

Oh dear, sorry you're going through all that!

How old r u? I think you' must be in your 20s.

I just wanna tell you that I quit university three times and got my degree when I was almost 30.

Before that, I saw LOTS of people I hated and liked getting their degrees or having lots of money while I just got more depressed and felt an underdog.

I didn't finish college for my family, the system or whatever. I just did it because I wanted to be a teacher.

Society can go f*ck themselves.

You might've lost the battle this time but as long as you stand up, there will always be a rematch.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt

Thank you so much, you are so right! I will definitely keep trying.

 

[FuneralCry]

I had some bad experiences while I was at school, people can be so cruel and can make our lives a misery. Having these emotions towards others is how we cope I guess. Life really can be hard, I hope things improve for you and I wish you the best.

 

[Largeletters]

I'm so sorry you aren't able to graduate. I don't blame you for being jealous of those graduating and I, too, have placed major importance on graduating; I empathize with your frustration. I wish there was more I could say.