other people don't see you as you see yourself.
and there are many different types of person, they are so different from each other and so diverse in their preferences and thought patterns, therefore I'd argue that generalizing too much may contribute a little to a "self-fulfilling prophecy", in which you're basically gonna notice more often the things that align with what your mind is already thinking.
I'd also argue that almost no one develops anorexia and self-image issues without having some problem in their childhood or adolescence, therefore I think it's highly recommended that you seek ways (for example: therapy, philosophy, spirituality, religion, psychedelics etc) of dealing with the real, deep
roots of the problems - the ones that are so hidden, that they're almost impossible to deal with, these are precisely the ones requiring some therapeutic work.
from these I mentioned, therapy is mainstream and a often recommended approach (I know I've manifested some skepticism about its benefits before in this forum, but for some people it does work very well).
evidence about efficacy of psychedelics like ayahuasca, psilocybin etc are growing.
there's not too much scientific evidence that religion helps, but we can see in practice that it makes some people recover, it's anecdotal evidence, but I'd argue that it's at least a possibility.
unfortunately recovery is not gonna spontenously come to you, Heaven is not gonna shine a light from the sky, nor is any person coming to rescue or save you, so you're gonna have to do work if you want to recover, you're gonna have to dig your way out. I know it's hard, it's as long journey, but this can at least be better than being stuck.
high self-esteem usually attracts love and is sexy, so learning to really love yourself and know your value (through therapy or whatever other means) may even be a leverage for you in attracting good relationships.
it's entirely possible that insecurity, low self-esteem and childhood trauma could be reducing your chances of having a healthy relationship way more than your physical traits are.
yes, models in general attract partners faster, so it may be logical to think that being like a model is a goal, but what if someone attracts people but can't keep them, or can't have a healthy, balanced, loving and fair relationship?
it may be hard to attract people, but keeping them and having a functional healthy relationship is even harder.
learning the traits that would facilitate and build the foundation for this, sounds to me more like a worthy goal, compared to looking like a model or ultra-"beautiful" (in quotes because beauty is relative).
now I'm gonna speak in more personal terms:
I can only talk from my personal experience, I'm a 28 (almost 29) years white male, average to below average looking, who had been in relationships before (even lived together, had a child etc); although for the last 3+ years I've been pretty much an incel and almost a hikikomori (urban hermit), with no source of income and living with my parents, having some mental health issues or worsening of those I already had. had muscle dysmorphia (bigorexia) before, which I fortunately managed to overcome. have been suffering from a level of social isolation (which is a little different from perceived loneliness) since roughly the start of 2020. I had a good number of partners between when I was 16 up to when I was 25 (I was very socially active at that time). with that said, here are some of my thoughts:
brown girls with black hair are actually my "type", especially when their hair is curly. I don't notice the eye color of people, have never particularly noticed or thought about that in my entire life.
I haven't kissed a white girl in over a decade. I was still an adolescent the last time that happened. I usually prefer brown girls. my daughter is brown. although I had a white girlfriend when I was an adolescent, most of my exes almost look like the same person (brown girls, they're mixed [as everyone is], with some traits of indigenous native brazilians, some traits of african people etc...).
my "type" is kinda like these girls:
these are just example photos to illustrate my "type". obviously people on internet edit their photos, use a ton of make-up, studio lightning etc, so in real life people usually don't look exactly like they do on Instagram - so the girls I see on street are not exactly like these example photos, and I'm still super attracted to them.
fortunately I live in Brazil, in which there will probably always be brown girls walking around nearby.
I once again emphasize how people are very different: I know those who are attracted to asians, black/african people, and everything in between. attracted to skinny people, attracted to overweight people, attracted to people who look like their mom/dad, or are the opposite looking of their mom/dad, etc etc... "In the Universe, there's literally everything!" (Rick from Rick and Morty).
I really think there is a person for you out there. many, actually. I may not be a good example of a person who has managed to recover in life, and I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, but in my opinion, you should probably try working with a professional to address body image struggles, self-esteem, and even more deep matters or questions that only a professional who's looking from outside can spot.
