I hope this translates well. No-name in the sense of a nobody.
There are so many no-names in this world. People whose pain, suffering and desperation is ignored. So many people commit suicide every single day. The unbelievable pain these people had is often ignored. I mean I live in a Western affluent country. I have a very good health insurance though I am suicidal for more than decade now. I had a lot of therapy, tried so much medication though I still see no way around of suicide. I have the feeling it is my inevitable fate. Though I try as good as possible to fight against the effect of a self-fulfiling prophecy. I try to fight it and I try to get better. But I think the demons of my past will haunt me forever and someday I will have to face them.
The thing I really like about this forum I feel listened to. I feel like I had a voice. I can shout out every single day how my consciousness torments me. I can tell my injust, nightmarish and tragic story every single day.
I have read reports about suicide in other countries and epochs. There is so much cruelty in this world. Decades ago the most popular suicide method were pesticides. Due to the fact so many uneducated poor workers in rural China had no perspective to escape their daily agony. I think many failed with this method. Either they survived with permanent damage or they died a slow very painful and torturous death.
Will we ever listen to their story? I doubt that a lot. They are just no names in the history of humankind. They are the collateral damage in a world that works in a pattern of trial and error. I am collateral damage in the sense that child abuse seems to get less which is a positive trend. Though I doubt a lot that we will ever experience the end of history. There will always be insane amounts of injustice and horrible wars. It is in the nature of humans.
I have huge respect for people who stand their pain and try in a heroic way to be strong for other people. Trying to help others despite the fact they are confronted with their own personal hell. Sadly this life does not appreciate good deeds. You don't get bonus points for trying to be a good person.
Moreover I think about all the people who are conscious but cannot communicate to others. This is something that happens for example when people have to resort to suicide methods that don't allow dignity. The pain of these people is probably beyond imagination and it is a result of the hypocritical approach of countries concerning assisted suicide.
I think the society acts cowardly. Suicidal people get abandonded. For example when therapists gave me up due to treatment resistance. They feel morally superior when they prohibit peaceful suicide methods. But all they do is to look away when people despair due to unimaginable pain. They criminalize people who would need help the most. It is logical that the system cannot work when all suicidal people are put into one category in contrast to case to case decisions.
I don't think my pain is special. Compared to most average cases in my environment I am clearly in a horrible situation. Though when I look at history and all around the world I am just one more noname with an arbitrary number that is confronted with a living hell.
There are so many no-names in this world. People whose pain, suffering and desperation is ignored. So many people commit suicide every single day. The unbelievable pain these people had is often ignored. I mean I live in a Western affluent country. I have a very good health insurance though I am suicidal for more than decade now. I had a lot of therapy, tried so much medication though I still see no way around of suicide. I have the feeling it is my inevitable fate. Though I try as good as possible to fight against the effect of a self-fulfiling prophecy. I try to fight it and I try to get better. But I think the demons of my past will haunt me forever and someday I will have to face them.
The thing I really like about this forum I feel listened to. I feel like I had a voice. I can shout out every single day how my consciousness torments me. I can tell my injust, nightmarish and tragic story every single day.
I have read reports about suicide in other countries and epochs. There is so much cruelty in this world. Decades ago the most popular suicide method were pesticides. Due to the fact so many uneducated poor workers in rural China had no perspective to escape their daily agony. I think many failed with this method. Either they survived with permanent damage or they died a slow very painful and torturous death.
Will we ever listen to their story? I doubt that a lot. They are just no names in the history of humankind. They are the collateral damage in a world that works in a pattern of trial and error. I am collateral damage in the sense that child abuse seems to get less which is a positive trend. Though I doubt a lot that we will ever experience the end of history. There will always be insane amounts of injustice and horrible wars. It is in the nature of humans.
I have huge respect for people who stand their pain and try in a heroic way to be strong for other people. Trying to help others despite the fact they are confronted with their own personal hell. Sadly this life does not appreciate good deeds. You don't get bonus points for trying to be a good person.
Moreover I think about all the people who are conscious but cannot communicate to others. This is something that happens for example when people have to resort to suicide methods that don't allow dignity. The pain of these people is probably beyond imagination and it is a result of the hypocritical approach of countries concerning assisted suicide.
I think the society acts cowardly. Suicidal people get abandonded. For example when therapists gave me up due to treatment resistance. They feel morally superior when they prohibit peaceful suicide methods. But all they do is to look away when people despair due to unimaginable pain. They criminalize people who would need help the most. It is logical that the system cannot work when all suicidal people are put into one category in contrast to case to case decisions.
I don't think my pain is special. Compared to most average cases in my environment I am clearly in a horrible situation. Though when I look at history and all around the world I am just one more noname with an arbitrary number that is confronted with a living hell.
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