I am going to do it within the week

[LiquidRat]

I have been trying for so long to get my life together. I have been doing everything I'm supposed to do to feel happy. Medication, exercise, therapy, etc. Nothing has worked. I was planning on waiting a few years so the life insurance policy would pay out to my family, but I am tired.

I'm am tired of my life being a car crash that I can't get out of.

God hates me. The universe hates me. The world hates me.

I hate me.

I just want things to stop.

So one last week so my family can make some good memories with me. I'll leave them a lot of notes and voicemails. Take pictures and videos so they'll have plenty to remember me by.

I wish I was a stronger, better person, because I know this is going to devastate them. I'm worried what will happen to my little brother and my cat. She's old. Nobody is going to want her except for me. And I am not going to want anything anymore soon enough. This is going to kill my mother. My friends are going to think I ghosted them.

I'm really fucking sorry. I'm sorry that whatever quirk of biology made my neurons rise up. I wish they got somebody else, but they got me and we all have to live with that.

Or don't live with it as the case may be.

I know everyone here has their own problems and this is probably boring, but I am going to be dead soon.

Maybe I should just do it today instead of subjecting you all to my whiny bullshit, but today's my birthday and I don't think I'll be able to get away. I don't want to do it in my house. I don't want my family to be the ones to find me.

I'm going take the shotgun and go into the woods. Let some stranger stumble across my half eaten corpse months later. Maybe I'll never be found and my family can cling to the hope that I'm still out there somewhere. Sipping a cocktail on a beach in Florida. Living in a cabin on the remote rocky mountains. Gambling away my life savings in Vegas.

Everywhere and nowhere.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can certainly be very tiring, your wish to be gone from this existence is understandable. I hope that you find freedom from all suffering.

 

[emgrl]

Happy Birthday, for what it's worth… I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Your problems aren't boring, they're real, and they're yours.

What is hurting you so badly that you need meds, therapy, etc? Like for me, I suffered a trauma. I give you a lot of credit to do everything they're suggesting to help get better.

If you ever want to talk, I'm around… might help to talk it out with someone else. You're definitely not alone here ♡

 

[makethepainstop]

Bro your not being whiny, your being very human. Do post as you wish, there are many here who will be glad to listen. Firm two minute hug to you.

 

[LiquidRat]

This life can certainly be very tiring, your wish to be gone from this existence is understandable. I hope that you find freedom from all suffering.

Thank you for your kind words. I didn't think anybody would actually read this.

Happy Birthday, for what it's worth… I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Your problems aren't boring, they're real, and they're yours.

What is hurting you so badly that you need meds, therapy, etc? Like for me, I suffered a trauma. I give you a lot of credit to do everything they're suggesting to help get better.

If you ever want to talk, I'm around… might help to talk it out with someone else. You're definitely not alone here ♡

I just can't seem to do anything right. To summarize I'm on the sidelines watching everyone else go forth and live their lives and I am stuck in the same muck I started in. Thank you for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate it.

Bro your not being whiny, your being very human. Do post as you wish, there are many here who will be glad to listen. Firm two minute hug to you.

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for being so kind to me.