I am going to ctb on Saturday

[pariah80]

Hello. Thanks for accepting me into your community. I really appreciate a site that allows me to express myself without being banned or "motivated." I have decided to end my life on Saturday. I'm using a gun, and I will do it in a hotel room. I'm homeless at the moment (living with a friend.) I've thought long and hard about this, and after years of pondering and having everything fall apart for me, I've decided that this is the right decision and I'm ready to go. I've attempted before but failed (overdose.) So, after due diligence, I'm very confident in my chosen method. I just want somewhere to come and share my final days. I am actually at peace with my decision and can't wait to leave this life. My life has been such a terrible experience. Plus, I don't like where life (in general) is headed. Everything seems to be regressing. Not just my circumstances, but everything. Oh well. This is my last week, and I have "senioritis" regarding everything in this life. I don't care anymore about anything. I'll be free after this weekend.

 

[schizoWolf]

Godspeed brother.

 

[cali22♡]

Find your peace. . . <3

 

[DeathSleep]

I hope you find peace.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly. Since you are a newbie here, I would encourage you to look around the forum and see if any of us could help you. There is no shame in waiting to see if you feel better in a few days.

Please, if you are going to do it in a hotel, think of the poor folks who will find you. And have to clean the room after you are gone.

Whatever your final decision, I do hope you find the peace we all strive for. Godspeed.

 

[tojifushiguro]

hope you find peace brother

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

You're not alone. Even if you don't care. It's going to be all right. Gunshot is the best for those who can have access and pull it off. Fast and highest rates of success.

 

[Bear1234]

I hope you find your peace <3 in whatever form that comes.

 

[tone]

Sorry about the circumstances that led you here, but welcome to the community, friend.

 

[pariah80]

I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly. Since you are a newbie here, I would encourage you to look around the forum and see if any of us could help you. There is no shame in waiting to see if you feel better in a few days.

Please, if you are going to do it in a hotel, think of the poor folks who will find you. And have to clean the room after you are gone.

Whatever your final decision, I do hope you find the peace we all strive for. Godspeed.

I appreciate your kind words. Yes, I've thought about the maid staff. I thought about the people who will find the body. And honestly...

I'd rather people who are going to forget me in 5 years find it than my best friend and his son. I'd rather some maid find it, than having to text/write my friend telling him to take his son somewhere because he has to call the coroner to come get the corpse out of his house.

So, for me, this is a no-brainer. I do appreciate your words and concern though.

 

[CatLvr]

I appreciate your kind words. Yes, I've thought about the maid staff. I thought about the people who will find the body. And honestly...

I'd rather people who are going to forget me in 5 years find it than my best friend and his son. I'd rather some maid find it, than having to text/write my friend telling him to take his son somewhere because he has to call the coroner to come get the corpse out of his house.

So, for me, this is a no-brainer. I do appreciate your words and concern though.

I understand. However, I can tell you from experience that the person who finds you will NEVER forget you. Of course, someone will find you -- kinda the nature of the beast -- so I do understand you not wanting to traumatize your friend and his son in that manner.

I hope you stay and look around thd site, and engage the membership a little more before you decide to ctb. You seem like a nice person. But if you decide to go ahead and ctb, know that I will support you in that decision also.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you all the best, I hope you find the freedom you search for.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace. Good luck!

 

[Theresnoescape]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I appreciate your kind words. Yes, I've thought about the maid staff. I thought about the people who will find the body. And honestly...

I'd rather people who are going to forget me in 5 years find it than my best friend and his son. I'd rather some maid find it, than having to text/write my friend telling him to take his son somewhere because he has to call the coroner to come get the corpse out of his house.

So, for me, this is a no-brainer. I do appreciate your words and concern though.

Can you leave a note to call first responders? You can put it on something just inside the door before a housekeeper would get to the point where they would see, or if you shoot yourself in the bathroom you could close the door and put a note on the outside. First responders see more of this than anyone, to the point where they can't even keep track of them all, desensitized.

 

[pariah80]

Can you leave a note to call first responders? You can put it on something just inside the door before a housekeeper would get to the point where they would see, or if you shoot yourself in the bathroom you could close the door and put a note on the outside. First responders see more of this than anyone, to the point where they can't even keep track of them all, desensitized.

lol. Already in the plan. I'm going to leave a note at the door. I'm doing it in the bathtub so it's easier to clean.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

lol. Already in the plan. I'm going to leave a note at the door. I'm doing it in the bathtub so it's easier to clean.

It's a good plan. I may have my method available by Saturday. I won't be waiting any longer either. You aren't alone.

 

[pariah80]

It's a good plan. I may have my method available by Saturday. I won't be waiting any longer either. You aren't alone.

I hope everything works out for you, no matter what.

 

[suffering_mo]

@pariah80 Please reconsider using a gun in a hotel. This is bad for many reasons. First, you could accidentally discharge the weapon and hurt someone else or if not, you could also go to prison for discharging a gun in a building, dwelling, if you survive. Even if you succeed, you could still hurt others. Using a gun in a place with others is a bad idea for everyone. Many would consider a remote location, woods, field, etc where no one else is to be much better option.

I'm not going to minimize your suffering but it seems you still have some quality of life and things can turn around for you. Maybe give it some more time? At least to have a better option of a better place.

 

[pariah80]

@pariah80 Please reconsider using a gun in a hotel. This is bad for many reasons. First, you could accidentally discharge the weapon and hurt someone else or if not, you could also go to prison for discharging a gun in a building, dwelling, if you survive. Even if you succeed, you could still hurt others. Using a gun in a place with others is a bad idea for everyone. Many would consider a remote location, woods, field, etc where no one else is to be much better option.

I'm not going to minimize your suffering but it seems you still have some quality of life and things can turn around for you. Maybe give it some more time? At least to have a better option of a better place.

I've taken all of these things into consideration. I know how to do this safely and effectively. This isn't a rash decision or some knee-jerk reaction to a negative situation. My decision is very well thought out. This is years of deep, honest inflection and reflection. There is no quality of life for me. Things will not turn around for me. I don't believe in life at all costs. Life is not a default net-positive to me. I choose happiness over survival. I choose peace over memories. I've given life all the time and chances that I can possibly give it. I know some will be hurt by my passing, and I don't like that. However, I'm hurting. I'm suffering. My life is not going to turn around for the better. The things I wanted in life are not attainable for me. I'm all out of hope. And that's not a bad thing. I see my life for what it is and always has been. Now, I'm taking control of it.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I've taken all of these things into consideration. I know how to do this safely and effectively. This isn't a rash decision or some knee-jerk reaction to a negative situation. My decision is very well thought out. This is years of deep, honest inflection and reflection. There is no quality of life for me. Things will not turn around for me. I don't believe in life at all costs. Life is not a default net-positive to me. I choose happiness over survival. I choose peace over memories. I've given life all the time and chances that I can possibly give it. I know some will be hurt by my passing, and I don't like that. However, I'm hurting. I'm suffering. My life is not going to turn around for the better. The things I wanted in life are not attainable for me. I'm all out of hope. And that's not a bad thing. I see my life for what it is and always has been. Now, I'm taking control of it.

I understand this. It's okay. I'm sorry you feel you have to defend your position. I held on for nearly 4 years myself. When you see the truth, if your truth is Carnage and no life quality, the decision becomes apparent and undeniable and one that you act on. I don't have any problem personally with what you're doing, I think you're demonstrating this is not a frivolous decision, you are showing a lot of consideration considering you're suffering.

 

[suffering_mo]

@pariah80 I understand and get that you want and need to end it. I empathize with that a lot, unfortunately.

Shooting off a gun in a public space is a risk for others though, even if you are in a room. I implore you to consider alternatives. I totally understand the desperation. Believe me on this and I am sorry that you feel this way.

 

[shiyu123]

I hope you find peace with your decision, good luck! <3

 

[Kurai]

good luck with your plans and peace

 

[tenshi天神]

good luck and much love ♡

 

[Steff1337]

I wish you that whatever happens, you find eternal freedom from pain and suffering.

 

[dreamcatcher90]

dealing with a lot of shitty things at one time is tough.
have you considered factory / farm jobs ? They give you housing, it's shared but it's something for a start. you would earn some money with a place to stay and would be able to get back on track.

It's not much but it's something.