Venting I am exhausted

[d3ad]

A part of me wishes to just take the SN right now, without thinking twice. However I know that that's a very bad idea. I have to first get Tagamet, Meto, fast, be alone and all of that. I am just feeling so overwhelmed. I have some kind of a duality where I experience a deep sense of euphoria followed by a huge mental breakdown. It's how it has been, for years. I deal with it on a daily. Sometimes I experience episodes of euphoria that last for days, followed by a mental crash that lasts for weeks. I am so exhausted, to be honest. I have been through hell, and I am still going through it. I do not deserve this, at all. I deserve rest and peace. I had so many plans for myself. I could have made it in life, but I just do not have the energy to keep going when life keeps throwing stuff at me.

 

[Linda]

A part of me wishes to just take the SN right now, without thinking twice. However I know that that's a very bad idea. I have to first get Tagamet, Meto, fast, be alone and all of that. I am just feeling so overwhelmed. I have some kind of a duality where I experience a deep sense of euphoria followed by a huge mental breakdown. It's how it has been, for years. I deal with it on a daily. Sometimes I experience episodes of euphoria that last for days, followed by a mental crash that lasts for weeks. I am so exhausted, to be honest. I have been through hell, and I am still going through it. I do not deserve this, at all. I deserve rest and peace. I had so many plans for myself. I could have made it in life, but I just do not have the energy to keep going when life keeps throwing stuff at me.

If I may make a suggestion, it is that you don't ctb when you are in a down. Wait until you are on a high, or at least neutral, and ask yourself then if it is worth continuing to live. It's difficult to view things in an objective way when you are down. But if you feel that it is not worth continuing with life even when you are on a high, then probably your judgement can be trusted.

 

[d3ad]

If I may make a suggestion, it is that you don't ctb when you are in a down. Wait until you are on a high, or at least neutral, and ask yourself then if it is worth continuing to live. It's difficult to view things in an objective way when you are down. But if you feel that it is not worth continuing with life even when you are on a high, then probably your judgement can be trusted.

Yeah, this actually makes sense. Thank you, Linda!

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I really understand feeling so tired of it all but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.