Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,182
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost, alone, and unloved. I feel as if nobody understands me, as if nobody cares about me. And most of all, that nobody loves me. Unconditionally loves me. No one unconditionally loved me as a child. My mother took great care in abusing me and using me as an emotional punching bag. Along with verbal abuse, physical, mental, it got to be too much
A memory resurfaced of her punching me in a car telling me she "just needs to get her anger out". Another time she almost tried to kill me. My father did nothing for me and its why I make so many posts about hating him so much. My younger brother, whom I worked so hard to protect, has now turned on me. My extended family enabled my mom's abuse so no help there either
School was never safe. For some reason kids liked to abuse me and teachers screamed at me. Neighbors believed my mom's fake persona and so the abuse continued for many years. I've been told by my own mom to take my life, and I wish I did just to get back at her. But since she has died 2 years ago, I have lost my chance
Which leaves me here. At 23, my life is in shambles. Living at home with my dad who's an enabler, and my brother who is an abuser, I cannot find peace. COVID makes moving out hard so I am stuck here, unless I want to be homeless. I could go to my school, but I oddly prefer to be home
I would like to say that I feel at home on this community. For a long time…that was true. After all, I was the original @DeathIsTheWayOut99. Though a situation left me in pain to where I had to deactivate my account. But I still loved SS. I loved how this site seems to be the only one that is pro-choice. It is what attracted me to this site initially. To become a lurker to a member
And so I decided to try again. On this new account. And it too felt nice. I got to reconnect with old people I met on my previous account and things seemed to be moving swimmingly. But alas, something else happened that reminded me that, not even on SS, can I be safe
I just cannot exist anywhere. I cannot exist in real life, nor can I exist on the online world. I am attacked in both worlds and I just decided….I'm done
As many of you know perhaps from my old account that I live in New York. And in New York there are 2 bridges. One being the Manhattan Bridge. The other being the Brooklyn Bridge. If there is at least one last thing good I can hope to expect from this site is to be given options on which is the best bridge to jump from. Which could I expect to give me the best results to end my life.
Whatever is decided as best I will do. Might be today, could be tomorrow. Could be next week, next month or next year
All I know is that I am tired. Tired of being told to live. Tired of being told to keep going when life wanted me to die a long time ago. I am tired of being told I am too young, and tired of being told life gets better. For some people it does not, and that is ok
I am crying as I write this. I don't want it to be the end, but there are no other options left. So, if some people would be kind enough to help me create a plan to end my life, that would be greatly appreciated
Thank you
A memory resurfaced of her punching me in a car telling me she "just needs to get her anger out". Another time she almost tried to kill me. My father did nothing for me and its why I make so many posts about hating him so much. My younger brother, whom I worked so hard to protect, has now turned on me. My extended family enabled my mom's abuse so no help there either
School was never safe. For some reason kids liked to abuse me and teachers screamed at me. Neighbors believed my mom's fake persona and so the abuse continued for many years. I've been told by my own mom to take my life, and I wish I did just to get back at her. But since she has died 2 years ago, I have lost my chance
Which leaves me here. At 23, my life is in shambles. Living at home with my dad who's an enabler, and my brother who is an abuser, I cannot find peace. COVID makes moving out hard so I am stuck here, unless I want to be homeless. I could go to my school, but I oddly prefer to be home
I would like to say that I feel at home on this community. For a long time…that was true. After all, I was the original @DeathIsTheWayOut99. Though a situation left me in pain to where I had to deactivate my account. But I still loved SS. I loved how this site seems to be the only one that is pro-choice. It is what attracted me to this site initially. To become a lurker to a member
And so I decided to try again. On this new account. And it too felt nice. I got to reconnect with old people I met on my previous account and things seemed to be moving swimmingly. But alas, something else happened that reminded me that, not even on SS, can I be safe
I just cannot exist anywhere. I cannot exist in real life, nor can I exist on the online world. I am attacked in both worlds and I just decided….I'm done
As many of you know perhaps from my old account that I live in New York. And in New York there are 2 bridges. One being the Manhattan Bridge. The other being the Brooklyn Bridge. If there is at least one last thing good I can hope to expect from this site is to be given options on which is the best bridge to jump from. Which could I expect to give me the best results to end my life.
Whatever is decided as best I will do. Might be today, could be tomorrow. Could be next week, next month or next year
All I know is that I am tired. Tired of being told to live. Tired of being told to keep going when life wanted me to die a long time ago. I am tired of being told I am too young, and tired of being told life gets better. For some people it does not, and that is ok
I am crying as I write this. I don't want it to be the end, but there are no other options left. So, if some people would be kind enough to help me create a plan to end my life, that would be greatly appreciated
Thank you
