I am Disappearing

[FireFox]

I feel like i am disappearing as a person and I can feel it happening.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I used to know who i was as a person now I dont know anything anymore.

Before I was depressed/suicidal i was an outspoken libertarin free spirited feminist who was opposed to injustices in the world. I wanted to make the world a better place and be a in a relationship with someone who really loved me.
I was someone who believed in the right thing and fighting for what is right not what is trendy to do so.
My law lecturer once said " What happened to you, you used to care about injustices"

Everything is confusing.
• I am constantly disappointed in myself for failing to do big things with my life .
• i feel like i am drowning and overwhelmed with everything.
• i dont know i want stand for anymore
• nothing brings me joy.
All i know is i am done with life and life just inst for me.

 

[Wrennie]

I can totally relate. My parents tell me that they don't even recognize me anymore because I have zero interest in pursuing former hobbies or engaging with the world. Depression saps all drive from us, and any prior zest we may have had for life (no matter how minor) is typically extinguished.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard when we look in the mirror and fail to recognize ourselves. It just goes to show the sheer impact this disease can have on our state of mind.

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry to hear you're suffering so much, dear.

Actually, I feel as if I were disappearing too. My human emotions and will to do things are slowly fading away.

This is the only place in which I can really talk to people, support them and feel they like talking to and supporting me too.

Love you guys and girls so much!

Wish you the best and hope things get better soon.

 

[darkhorse256]

I felt like I was disappearing when I stopped caring about politics and history. I used to love these subjects but I just feel zero interest in them now. I don't care about my family and friends, and I'm finding it difficult to care about my bf. I just feel really detached from everything.

 

[massiveblackhole]

sorry to hear how you feel. i guess constant disappointment and the unfairness of life is enough to wear anyone down and make them not care anymore. im almost at that point.i had a counsellor once who said to find one thing you can do that you can control - like something simple like make it your goal to go outside barefoot in nature once a day. they said just doing that one thing a day can make you feel like you've accomplished something.

 

[140 bpm]

This.

I used to know who i was as a person now I dont know anything anymore.

I feel I've disappeared already. No family, no friends, no actual address, no car, no social media. I don't even have smartphone anymore. I've sold it, cuz I don't really use it. I use my laptop for internet and old flip phone for a few calls in a month. All my belongings fit in 3x5 storage unit.
I watch every morning in mirror and don't recognize person in there. It's just empty.

 

[mado]

I recognise this feeling of my self disappearing in a weird way.

I used to lsiten to music a lot and hunt out new music. I really enjoyed it but also it was a kind of game to find obscure stuff to impress people. It was a big part of who i was and how i related to others i guess. Recently my sibling sent me a picture of a mountain goats pin they got for me, i used to listen to them a lot. But i realized i haven't lsitened to them or really any other music in a long time, at least not in the way that i used to. Maybe searching up one song because of a memory but i don't put on albums and actively listen and appreciate like i used to.

Evidence exists of the kind of person i was 5, 10 years ago but i feel so disconnected from it now. I definitely dont and cant feel enthusiastic or excited about the same kinds of things anymore. I just dont feel like i am the same person. Ive erased my online presence and started over so many times, my life got disrupted by circumstances several times, its like i lost the thread of my life and became schizophrenic in a way -- no coherent narrative running through it, just a disjointed mess. And i dont have much connection to a social or human world anymore. Feels difficult to build something new.

 

[Dortydoo]

yeah i can relate to you a lot . i was the person who tried everyday to grow as a person , learn new stuff and enjoy little bits of life, I was the guy who pushed everyone to do stuff they didnt want to do and help my friends to be motivated. here i am feeling lazy and unmotivated just existing.

 

[Miss_Takes]

This is a wonderful discription of how I feel on a bad day ... thank you for sharing.
It is heartbreaking to know that so many feel the same.

 

[NodusTollens]

—hugs—Sorry to hear that you're feeling so overwhelmed. It's hard feeling yourself slip away while carrying memories of who you used to be. I can understand how you're feeling & it's not something I would wish for anyone.

As I get closer to CTB, the more I start to feel like Marty McFly at the end of BTTF. Like I'm just fading away, with the world none the wiser.

 

[Deleted member 4418]

So relatable.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I'm sorry you feel like this. I can relate completely.

 

[Barracuda91]

I don't know who I am anymore...my sister told me last year that I have changed, and it's not for the better. I've never gotten over my ex to be honest.
The relationships I have been in all ended abruptly, I have no life prospects, no career, no friends and my interests have disappeared. All i seem to do now is listen to music and lift my weights, such a mundane bland existense I live these days.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

You're not alone, I can't tell if I'm going crazy or if everyone else is. Everything is so fucked up and people just get on with it.

The only time I enjoy anything is when I'm drunk. Otherwise I'm disassociated to the point that absolutely nothing is worthwhile. I used to spend all my money filling up my year with concerts and gigs, festivals and stuff with friends like escape rooms. Now I wouldn't even be able to pick a song to listen to. I feel like a gravestone that's had its text sanded down so its just a blank slate.

Like you I'd have strong political opinions but those just piss me off now. I'd try new foods but now I just drink water and eat plain bread. Even right now I've got work piling up I can't bare to face.

Sorry I've just used your thread to vent but I wish there was anything I could do to help other than share my similar sentiment. How does everyone just get on with it?

 

[mimiopo22]

Mi sento come se stessi scomparendo come persona e posso sentire che sta accadendo.

Qualcun altro si sente in questo modo?

Prima sapevo chi ero come persona, ora non so più niente.

Prima di essere depressa / suicida ero una femminista schietta e libertarina dallo spirito libero che si opponeva alle ingiustizie nel mondo. Volevo rendere il mondo un posto migliore e avere una relazione con qualcuno che mi amava davvero.
Ero una persona che credeva nella cosa giusta e combatteva per ciò che è giusto e non per ciò che è di moda farlo.
Il mio docente di legge una volta disse: "Quello che ti è successo, ti importava delle ingiustizie"

Tutto è confuso.
• Sono costantemente deluso da me stesso per non aver fatto grandi cose nella mia vita.
• Mi sento come se stessi annegando e sopraffatto da tutto.
• Non so di voler più stare in piedi
• niente mi dà gioia.
Tutto quello che so è che ho chiyes, es, con la vita e la vita è solo per me.

yes, same