Venting I am cursed, literally.

[d3ad]

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I cry and complain everyday about the same things. How will I survive in this world when I am disabled, uneducated and have an abusive family? I literally have nothing.. I am going crazy just thinking about it. I could become homeless, turn to drugs and become a victims of torture, which would accelerate my mental illness. I am just fucked up, for real. There is no escaping the impending danger I see.

 

[Hevn]

turn to drugs and become a victims of torture, which would accelerate my mental illness.

Do not do that. Do not even think. There is already so much suffering in this world.

I also feel like I'm cursed. That I have one of the worst fates among MtF.
There has been a series of circumstances in my life that cannot possibly be a coincidence. Unfortunately they were terrible.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such a cruel and hellish existence where people have to suffer so much, it truly is horrifying how there is no limit as to how much one can be tormented in this existence.

 

[katara]

I get this, I've always complained about the same things basically my whole life. Not having friends, never having dated, never going to prom or doing any normal stuff. I feel so annoying complaining about the same shit over and over. I hate it, sometimes i even stop myself when i feel sorry for people who have smaller problems. When I look at my situation compared to other people, i just feel worse. So many people have a good family, a whole support system, yet they always seem to get the most sympathy. I feel terrible, nobody ever shows me any love. I'm all my own in everything i struggle with, and i cant help but ask myself why? What did i do to get this bad karma? It really does feel like a curse sometimes. My entire life I've felt so stupid. i could never concentrate on anything. I can't even read books because i zone out in less then 2 pages in. I can't concentrate on anything, because I'm constantly depressed. And all I ever see is people online picking up depression like a fad and these people are always surrounded by friends and family. It's so fucked up. When i talk about being depressed i dont get dozens of nice replies. When some celebrity or insta model does, they get nothing but sympathy. All i ever see is people online saying "depression is smiling and having friends around you".. NO IT ISNT. I'm so tired of people with great lives trying to pretend they have it bad. People who get invited out on the weekends and have kids and are married cant have depression. Theres nothing these people have to be depressed about. It's like an accessory they can wear for attention. Real depression is knowing nobody cares to save you from anything. You have to struggle alone. You have nightmares alone, you try reaching out to people and making friends to be ignored, because nobody wants to be around someone who's friendless. That's what depression is like. I don't even like saying i have depression because of how the word has been watered down to basically mean "I have bad days sometimes".