Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,203
I think I get what my therapist was saying to me
I know in chat I had a melt down yesterday over what I wanted to do over the summer
On one hand, staying on campus is keeping me filled with student debt
On the other, going back home would put me right back into the abuse dynamics. I'll go back to that scared traumatized girl too afraid to do anything. I can go into another black hole and that's horrible for my mental health
My therapist, in telling me not to go with my relatives, was reminding me of how I felt at the time
The abuse, the control, family members being beaten, etc
I don't need to be surrounded by that
My mental health matters more
This makes me think back to the friends k currently have
They're good people, but they aren't my people
By that I mean, they don't get abuse dynamics
Even though they have their dysfunctional families, I'm sure none have experienced abused to the full extent I have before
People like myself, are on an island
We might have friends, but those with good/semi dysfunctional families never get the struggle
These are people I cannot depend on, turn to in moments of pain, and so forth
Because we come from too different planets
So, will I be a slave to student loans for a long time
If it's what saves me from ending my life by abusive family, so be it
I know in chat I had a melt down yesterday over what I wanted to do over the summer
On one hand, staying on campus is keeping me filled with student debt
On the other, going back home would put me right back into the abuse dynamics. I'll go back to that scared traumatized girl too afraid to do anything. I can go into another black hole and that's horrible for my mental health
My therapist, in telling me not to go with my relatives, was reminding me of how I felt at the time
The abuse, the control, family members being beaten, etc
I don't need to be surrounded by that
My mental health matters more
This makes me think back to the friends k currently have
They're good people, but they aren't my people
By that I mean, they don't get abuse dynamics
Even though they have their dysfunctional families, I'm sure none have experienced abused to the full extent I have before
People like myself, are on an island
We might have friends, but those with good/semi dysfunctional families never get the struggle
These are people I cannot depend on, turn to in moments of pain, and so forth
Because we come from too different planets
So, will I be a slave to student loans for a long time
If it's what saves me from ending my life by abusive family, so be it
