Story I am a horrible human being [Snapping due to jealousy]

[decayofangels]

Recently I snapped towards the one person who makes me feel human. I got almost jealous over them talking to other people and turned my frustration onto them. I suggested I stop talking to them at all considering they are a good person, and they didn't want that. The argument snowballed into me assuming I deserved them to be mean to me considering they never were, even when I was mean to them. I begged for them to be mean, genuinely begged like a pathetic person and they wouldn't do it. I promised to cut for them or put their name into my skin, and the response I got in exact words was, "What the actual fuck is wrong with you" I realized I went too far and stopped talking to them.
They are an amazing person, and I didn't mean to disturb them, and I know they deserve better. I'm not sharing this for anyone to tell me i'm terrible, as I already know, but you're all free to share thoughts, I just needed to put this somewhere.

 

[late2life]

real af but i do agree with them that the fansigning is a bit excessive of a response. don't beat yourself up too much tho, it happens :)

 

[BimbleBob]

Did similar shit to the only person I was ever close to. I suppose I became so emotionally dependent on them that I needed to be around them 24/7 and the very thought of them not being there made me suicidal. It was obsession more than love and I became very possessive. I knew I was wrong, but I couldn't help it. Felt I found something I'd never find again and wanted to hold onto it desperately. Ended up getting ghosted eventually after I said some horrible and frankly psychotic things after the realization that she was really going settled in. I don't know if I miss her, but I miss how she made me feel. Maybe I'd feel that way with anyone who gave me genuine attention and attempts at understanding me.

real af but i do agree with them that the fansigning is a bit excessive of a response. don't beat yourself up too much tho, it happens :)

What manga is that image from btw?

 

[late2life]

What manga is that image from btw?

downfall by inio asano

https://myanimelist.net/manga/104272/Reiraku?q=downfall&cat=manga

 

[Beavisandbutthead]

It's ok. It happens. As long as they don't have a problem it's fine

 

[decayofangels]

Did similar shit to the only person I was ever close to. I suppose I became so emotionally dependent on them that I needed to be around them 24/7 and the very thought of them not being there made me suicidal. It was obsession more than love and I became very possessive. I knew I was wrong, but I couldn't help it. Felt I found something I'd never find again and wanted to hold onto it desperately. Ended up getting ghosted eventually after I said some horrible and frankly psychotic things after the realization that she was really going settled in. I don't know if I miss her, but I miss how she made me feel. Maybe I'd feel that way with anyone who gave me genuine attention and attempts at understanding me.

What manga is that image from btw?

I think I may be in the same situation, at least with the obbsession more than love part as well as the emotional dependency. Out of curiosity, if you're willing to share, how was it after they left? I've thought it would feel possibly relieving in my situation, but I may be completely wrong.

 

[eggsalad6167]

I'm exactly like this. My jealousy has caused me to snap and say hurtful things at times to the most wonderful and accommodating person I've ever met. I want to get better somehow but it really feels out of reach.

They tell me being jealous is okay, they even romanticise it to an extent which enables me. I'm just worried I'll become too much for them one day.

 

[decayofangels]

I'm exactly like this. My jealousy has caused me to snap and say hurtful things at times to the most wonderful and accommodating person I've ever met. I want to get better somehow but it really feels out of reach.

They tell me being jealous is okay, they even romanticise it to an extent which enables me. I'm just worried I'll become too much for them one day.

I have the same issue with worrying that i'll be too much, however I still can't stop doing what I do. I hope that things get better between you two (if the jealousy is an issue at all).

 

[eggsausagerice]

I got almost jealous over them talking to other people and turned my frustration onto them. I suggested I stop talking to them at all considering they are a good person, and they didn't want that. The argument snowballed into me assuming I deserved them to be mean to me considering they never were, even when I was mean to them. I begged for them to be mean, genuinely begged like a pathetic person and they wouldn't do it. I promised to cut for them or put their name into my skin, and the response I got in exact words was, "What the actual fuck is wrong with you" I realized I went too far and stopped talking to them.

i'm currently blowing up my relationship with my favorite person in the world because i'm extremely depressed and jealous that they moved away from me while i'm still a neet with no redeeming qualities. i call myself lower than him all the time, say i'm worse than all his other friends, and beg him to talk to other people and to just admit that he hates me and say i'm a burden because i know he thinks i am. i do this over and over.

when i'm more suicidal the thoughts just spike up and i'm like, "you KNOW that i'm a depressed loser and you're only waiting for the right time to leave me. please stop lying to me and saying that you like me. i am a sick animal and you get need to get away from me. i know you talk to me with your friends and say i'm such a huge burden". each time i lash out at him i feel disgusted at myself. i want him to ghost me so badly. i'm clingy, lonely, and sad. our whole friendship, since we've met, i've just felt like i'm so much lesser than him and i need to do things for him or i need to entertain him so that he keeps on liking me. he tells me i'm delusional for thinking that he hates me and doesn't care about me but i always think that he should hate me because i'm not a good person.

i'm sorry you feel this way. i cry often thinking about our friendship now because i argue with him so often. people don't need to be mean to us. it doesn't make logical sense. it would just feel good if they were because we feel like such bad people. it makes me think that i deserve to die just so i stop freaking people out.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

This entire thread is bitterly relatable.

Btw love the PFP Danny Boy, make sure to take good care of those peepers

 

[decayofangels]

This entire thread is bitterly relatable.

Btw love the PFP Danny Boy, make sure to take good care of those peepers
View attachment 173039

Thank you, I like your Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei pfp.

 

[lil dwayne]

Gah been there. We push the people we love away. I think part of it is becasue we know how we are going to be leaving, and thats it sooner then them so if we push them away it will hurt them less when we do it. But who know might be diffrent for everyone.