Venting i am a horrible burden

[666razorblade]

I just need to vent. I have nobody else I can tell this to, who would understand me.

Today I was raised onto a special level of therapy for suicidal people. But I don't deserve it. I just don't understand. Surely someone else needs it more than me, or they are more deserving of it. I'm getting so much help from the people around me, but I'm still not getting better, isn't that horrible? I feel like I am the worst person in the world. I have extremely supportive parents who are going above and beyond to try and help me, but it almost makes me feel worse, because I'm just not getting better, even though I really want to. I really want to recover, but nothing ever changes. I wake up and thinking about dying. I eat my lunch and think about dying. I lay in bed all day being a useless piece of unemployed shit because I'm too busy thinking about dying. I feel guilty for being happy sometimes, because if I'm so sick that I need all this special attention then how could I be happy? I feel like if I laugh or have a good day then I must just be faking everything, and immediately I want to die again. The people around me are far too nice to me. They try to offer me so much. "If there's anything I can do..." but why? I don't deserve any of it. I'm a human piece of garbage and I should have never been born. I feel so guilty that I live in a first world country, with a roof over my head, with access to food even when money is so tight that I can only buy very basic food. But it's still more than so many other people get - so why am I so depressed? Why am I so ungrateful that I want to die? Why can't I get up and work like everyone else? I'm so useless. I'm already 22 and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm still living with my mother because I can't even bring myself to get a job because every time I try, I just wish I was dead. I don't see the point in spending your entire life working miserably, just to die at the end. I could die now instead. But everyone is far too nice to me. I have such supportive friends, and I don't understand why. I can't understand why people are still trying to help me, even though I'm just a burden that costs everyone money. I just don't understand. I'm so horrible, and sometimes I wish everyone hated me so that I could kill myself and nobody would miss me. I just don't understand. I don't. Why is everyone so nice to someone so undeserving? I don't get it at all.

 

[hibikikyuxx]

You're not a burden. You never asked to be born. Society needs to accept that some people want to live, and other people simply don't. There are many people who are depressed despite having supportive parents and friends. Everyone is different. You don't need a reason for wanting to ctb. You're just as valid as everyone else here.

 

[AlouA]

I just need to vent. I have nobody else I can tell this to, who would understand me.

Today I was raised onto a special level of therapy for suicidal people. But I don't deserve it. I just don't understand. Surely someone else needs it more than me, or they are more deserving of it. I'm getting so much help from the people around me, but I'm still not getting better, isn't that horrible? I feel like I am the worst person in the world. I have extremely supportive parents who are going above and beyond to try and help me, but it almost makes me feel worse, because I'm just not getting better, even though I really want to. I really want to recover, but nothing ever changes. I wake up and thinking about dying. I eat my lunch and think about dying. I lay in bed all day being a useless piece of unemployed shit because I'm too busy thinking about dying. I feel guilty for being happy sometimes, because if I'm so sick that I need all this special attention then how could I be happy? I feel like if I laugh or have a good day then I must just be faking everything, and immediately I want to die again. The people around me are far too nice to me. They try to offer me so much. "If there's anything I can do..." but why? I don't deserve any of it. I'm a human piece of garbage and I should have never been born. I feel so guilty that I live in a first world country, with a roof over my head, with access to food even when money is so tight that I can only buy very basic food. But it's still more than so many other people get - so why am I so depressed? Why am I so ungrateful that I want to die? Why can't I get up and work like everyone else? I'm so useless. I'm already 22 and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm still living with my mother because I can't even bring myself to get a job because every time I try, I just wish I was dead. I don't see the point in spending your entire life working miserably, just to die at the end. I could die now instead. But everyone is far too nice to me. I have such supportive friends, and I don't understand why. I can't understand why people are still trying to help me, even though I'm just a burden that costs everyone money. I just don't understand. I'm so horrible, and sometimes I wish everyone hated me so that I could kill myself and nobody would miss me. I just don't understand. I don't. Why is everyone so nice to someone so undeserving? I don't get it at all.

Same thoughts.. I feel like s total burden.. I'm 18 and ln my way to a second-time drop out.. I'm supposedly finishing my 12th grade this year but it's unlikely..