onbekend
Experienced
- Jan 14, 2024
- 266
I don't ordinarily vent. But right now I feel it's the only option I have, Though I have nobody to really talk to except this forum. I do nothing but sit on my computer or lay in my bed all day doing nothing.
Everyday I tell myself "I'll CTB next week" then the next week rolls around and the cycle repeats itself. Everything is like this. I am so far behind on everything, and I kept telling myself that I'll do what it takes to improve my life, but it never happens because I am a coward.
I try to take up hobbies, but every time I do I fail and I lose any motivation to continue on even with the simplest things.
I can put the blame on random stuff all I want. I can say that it's because of me wanting to tie up any loose ends or because I can't afford to die just yet, but realistically speaking none of that shit matters if you die. The truth is that I can't bring myself to do it. I am too much of a pussy to do it.
I feel as if nothing will end my embarrassment of an existence.
It's all down hill, Everyday a voice comes in my head telling me to end it all to prevent myself from slipping even farther down this hill, to not prolong the inevitable. Then my impulses to survive kick in and prevent me from doing so. I feel nothing but disgust at my own instincts for keeping me alive this long. I truly envy the people who see good in the world.
Everyday I tell myself "I'll CTB next week" then the next week rolls around and the cycle repeats itself. Everything is like this. I am so far behind on everything, and I kept telling myself that I'll do what it takes to improve my life, but it never happens because I am a coward.
I try to take up hobbies, but every time I do I fail and I lose any motivation to continue on even with the simplest things.
I can put the blame on random stuff all I want. I can say that it's because of me wanting to tie up any loose ends or because I can't afford to die just yet, but realistically speaking none of that shit matters if you die. The truth is that I can't bring myself to do it. I am too much of a pussy to do it.
I feel as if nothing will end my embarrassment of an existence.
It's all down hill, Everyday a voice comes in my head telling me to end it all to prevent myself from slipping even farther down this hill, to not prolong the inevitable. Then my impulses to survive kick in and prevent me from doing so. I feel nothing but disgust at my own instincts for keeping me alive this long. I truly envy the people who see good in the world.