I almost died on Monday. I wish I had

[Strangeasangels]

Over the weekend I had pain in my gut. Excruciating pain. I avoided ER because I didn't want to get hit with an overwhelming bill so I waited till Monday to see my doctor and suffered all weekend. Monday morning I had an ultrasound which revealed that my gallbladder was infected, inflamed and covered in stones. My doctor said I would go septic if we didn't remove immediately. I was admitted and my gb removed. I am home recovering now.

Throughout that time I got not one get well card. The only person who has been there was my neighbor who, if I may be honest, I don't even like that much because I have nothing in common with her and she is one of those conversation dominators who has to make everything about her. But I am grateful to her because on the day of my surgery, she did drive me and was there while I was operated on and drove me home. Outside of her... nothing.

My office knew but nobody asked how i was doing. I did have .a work colleague defriend me on faebook because of a work incident last week. Someone in the office has a car accident, they lose a pet or leave the company they get an outpouring of love in the form of cards and flowers. I almost die and I get nothing.

I have really tried to putter on in life. I will be 52 next year. I try to be social. I do group fitness classes regularly (or i did before i got sick). I even do live band karaoke once a month at a local bar. I am not some anti-social person who doesn't try to fit in. I am simply tired of trying. I have concluded that 90% of the human race is shit and I am tired of trying.

I want to end my life but I don't know how. I don't want to suffer and I don't want to leave a mess. I want full proof.
If I wasn't clear, I'd appreciate some suggestions... I would like to do it this weekend.

 

[Susan Caswell]

Over the weekend I had pain in my gut. Excruciating pain. I avoided ER because I didn't want to get hit with an overwhelming bill so I waited till Monday to see my doctor and suffered all weekend. Monday morning I had an ultrasound which revealed that my gallbladder was infected, inflamed and covered in stones. My doctor said I would go septic if we didn't remove immediately. I was admitted and my gb removed. I am home recovering now.

Throughout that time I got not one get well card. The only person who has been there was my neighbor who, if I may be honest, I don't even like that much because I have nothing in common with her and she is one of those conversation dominators who has to make everything about her. But I am grateful to her because on the day of my surgery, she did drive me and was there while I was operated on and drove me home. Outside of her... nothing.

My office knew but nobody asked how i was doing. I did have .a work colleague defriend me on faebook because of a work incident last week. Someone in the office has a car accident, they lose a pet or leave the company they get an outpouring of love in the form of cards and flowers. I almost die and I get nothing.

I have really tried to putter on in life. I will be 52 next year. I try to be social. I do group fitness classes regularly (or i did before i got sick). I even do live band karaoke once a month at a local bar. I am not some anti-social person who doesn't try to fit in. I am simply tired of trying. I have concluded that 90% of the human race is shit and I am tired of trying.

I want to end my life but I don't know how. I don't want to suffer and I don't want to leave a mess. I want full proof.
If I wasn't clear, I'd appreciate some suggestions... I would like to do it this weekend.

Im so very sorry to hear this really sorry hope you recover real quick. I want to go too cant take this tinnitus, hyperacusis and crippling anxiety how cruel can life be x

 

[No_more]

These selfish people aren't worth committing suicide over. I hope you get well soon.

 

[Vidar33]

. I want to go too cant take this tinnitus, hyperacusis and crippling anxiety how cruel can life be x

I feel you. Tinnitus is like a heavy shadow that sucks the joy out of anything.

Over the weekend I had pain in my gut. Excruciating pain. I avoided ER because I didn't want to get hit with an overwhelming bill so I waited till Monday to see my doctor and suffered all weekend. Monday morning I had an ultrasound which revealed that my gallbladder was infected, inflamed and covered in stones. My doctor said I would go septic if we didn't remove immediately. I was admitted and my gb removed. I am home recovering now.

Throughout that time I got not one get well card. The only person who has been there was my neighbor who, if I may be honest, I don't even like that much because I have nothing in common with her and she is one of those conversation dominators who has to make everything about her. But I am grateful to her because on the day of my surgery, she did drive me and was there while I was operated on and drove me home. Outside of her... nothing.

My office knew but nobody asked how i was doing. I did have .a work colleague defriend me on faebook because of a work incident last week. Someone in the office has a car accident, they lose a pet or leave the company they get an outpouring of love in the form of cards and flowers. I almost die and I get nothing.

I have really tried to putter on in life. I will be 52 next year. I try to be social. I do group fitness classes regularly (or i did before i got sick). I even do live band karaoke once a month at a local bar. I am not some anti-social person who doesn't try to fit in. I am simply tired of trying. I have concluded that 90% of the human race is shit and I am tired of trying.

I want to end my life but I don't know how. I don't want to suffer and I don't want to leave a mess. I want full proof.
If I wasn't clear, I'd appreciate some suggestions... I would like to do it this weekend.

Infected gallbladder with stones. Your pain must have been unbearable. I cannot imagine how you got through the weekend! Pure horror.

 

[Strangeasangels]

These selfish people aren't worth committing suicide over. I hope you get well soon.

IT is not about them. It is about me. I am done. I don't want to do this anymore. I am looking for help.

I have prescription ibuprofen and motrin. Unfortunately I went through all the oxycodone and I cannot get anymore as I tried. That would have been the easiest way. Does anyone know what an OD on ibuprofen is like? Will that work?

 

[Soul]

IT is not about them. It is about me. I am done. I don't want to do this anymore. I am looking for help.

I have prescription ibuprofen and motrin. Unfortunately I went through all the oxycodone and I cannot get anymore as I tried. That would have been the easiest way. Does anyone know what an OD on ibuprofen is like? Will that work?

I'm sorry you've gone through all this and that you're apparently surrounded by people who aren't good for you. I have it on good authority that an overdose of ibuprofen will just mess up your liver and cause you more pain, so please don't do that.

I hope you can take some time to recuperate physically and emotionally, and if you want to you can browse the thread called "List of Resources", where you'll find lots of good information.

Don't rush anything, please. And be gentle with yourself. Hugs

 

[Ruffian]

Im so very sorry to hear this really sorry hope you recover real quick. I want to go too cant take this tinnitus, hyperacusis and crippling anxiety how cruel can life be x

I can't believe how many people on here have tinnitus. I've had it all my life, and my pain meds make it worse. It is the most despairing experience, especially late at night. I am so sorry about all the pain you had and not having anyone care. I don't have a lot of people in my life, but I guess I'm lucky for the few I do have. I hope you feel better or things work out the way you want.

 

[JoeFailure]

Over the weekend I had pain in my gut. Excruciating pain. I avoided ER because I didn't want to get hit with an overwhelming bill so I waited till Monday to see my doctor and suffered all weekend. Monday morning I had an ultrasound which revealed that my gallbladder was infected, inflamed and covered in stones. My doctor said I would go septic if we didn't remove immediately. I was admitted and my gb removed. I am home recovering now.

Throughout that time I got not one get well card. The only person who has been there was my neighbor who, if I may be honest, I don't even like that much because I have nothing in common with her and she is one of those conversation dominators who has to make everything about her. But I am grateful to her because on the day of my surgery, she did drive me and was there while I was operated on and drove me home. Outside of her... nothing.

My office knew but nobody asked how i was doing. I did have .a work colleague defriend me on faebook because of a work incident last week. Someone in the office has a car accident, they lose a pet or leave the company they get an outpouring of love in the form of cards and flowers. I almost die and I get nothing.

I have really tried to putter on in life. I will be 52 next year. I try to be social. I do group fitness classes regularly (or i did before i got sick). I even do live band karaoke once a month at a local bar. I am not some anti-social person who doesn't try to fit in. I am simply tired of trying. I have concluded that 90% of the human race is shit and I am tired of trying.

I want to end my life but I don't know how. I don't want to suffer and I don't want to leave a mess. I want full proof.
If I wasn't clear, I'd appreciate some suggestions... I would like to do it this weekend.

Very sorry to hear about this. Where are you located? The wanting to do it that quickly makes it tough for the full proof part though.

 

[Strangeasangels]

I

Very sorry to hear about this. Where are you located? The wanting to do it that quickly makes it tough for the full proof part though.

am in Northern California north of SF.

So do you have an alternative suggestion maybe not this weekend that would make it full proof? Painless and clean is what's important here. PM me if you can help.

 

[JoeFailure]

I

am in Northern California north of SF.

So do you have an alternative suggestion maybe not this weekend that would make it full proof? Painless and clean is what's important here. PM me if you can help.

I think you don't have enough posts to PM. I was just going to say N is an option, one that I am looking at. But you'll have to wait for that.

 

[Strangeasangels]

I think you don't have enough posts to PM. I was just going to say N is an option, one that I am looking at. But you'll have to wait for that.

Okay, let's stay in touch... I was active on a forum on reddit a couple of years ago. I was in a dark place back then but managed to crawl out temporarily. I had a contact on how to get N but not sure if that is still valid and the subreddit is now defunct.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

IT is not about them. It is about me. I am done. I don't want to do this anymore. I am looking for help.

I have prescription ibuprofen and motrin. Unfortunately I went through all the oxycodone and I cannot get anymore as I tried. That would have been the easiest way. Does anyone know what an OD on ibuprofen is like? Will that work?

Do you consider yourself financially stable? If you are willing to pay a significant amount of money, you could order N from A. I heard N is peaceful.

 

[sunny.sativa]

I'm so, very genuinely sorry that no one was there for you. This is a terrible feeling to endure, I wish I could have been a friend during this time.
I'm glad you're still with us, I hope you're not in too much physical pain, as well. Have some pizza delivered! Watch a funny movie.. anything?? I know probably nothing sounds even remotely pleasing but I hope you find relief soon, however that comes about.

Much love.

 

[Tabbyql]

IT is not about them. It is about me. I am done. I don't want to do this anymore. I am looking for help.

I have prescription ibuprofen and motrin. Unfortunately I went through all the oxycodone and I cannot get anymore as I tried. That would have been the easiest way. Does anyone know what an OD on ibuprofen is like? Will that work?

I have tried ibuprofen lots of times, all it as done is make me extremely sick. Head in toilet for 8 hours, laying on bathroom floor all night sick. And for weeks after I had such a sore stomach like it was bruised badly. I wouldn't recommend it at all. Get well soon.

 

[Strangeasangels]

Thanks to everyone who responded. Can someone PM how to get N?

 

[Soul]

Thanks to everyone who responded. Can someone PM how to get N?

If no one's contacted you privately, you can go to the thread called "list of resources", download the most recent edition of the Peaceful Pill Handbook and locate the chapter on N. The way to contact the reliable source is outlined there.

I hope you're feeling at least a little better.

 

[jake3d]

Im so very sorry to hear this really sorry hope you recover real quick. I want to go too cant take this tinnitus, hyperacusis and crippling anxiety how cruel can life be x

Sorry for replying here, can't PM yet. I suffer from the same issues as you do! Are you from Europe by any chance?

 

[Severen]

I have tried ibuprofen lots of times, all it as done is make me extremely sick. Head in toilet for 8 hours, laying on bathroom floor all night sick. And for weeks after I had such a sore stomach like it was bruised badly. I wouldn't recommend it at all. Get well soon.

Ibuprofen is a NSAID. So basically when it is in your stomach, it turns into acid... ODing on that shit is like, death by acid in your stomach and intestines... A very painful way to go and it takes awhile too...

 

[Susan Caswell]

Sorry for replying here, can't PM yet. I suffer from the same issues as you do! Are you from Europe by any chance?

Yes im in the UK

 

[jake3d]

^^ Interesting. Looking for a partner/have a method ready, or undecided yet? I'm too afraid of being found and rescued in a worse state than i am in now to do it all by myself, sadly.

I visited the UK in 2015 when i was on top of my game, i should have stayed as i had found a place i could live and work and someone i could trust. Dumb me went back home to take all the bullshit and do more dumb mistakes. :(

 

[Susan Caswell]

^^ Interesting. Looking for a partner/have a method ready, or undecided yet? I'm too afraid of being found and rescued in a worse state than i am in now to do it all by myself, sadly.

I visited the UK in 2015 when i was on top of my game, i should have stayed as i had found a place i could live and work and someone i could trust. Dumb me went back home to take all the bullshit and do more dumb mistakes. :(

Where is home

 

[jake3d]

I'm from Romania.

 

[Susan Caswell]

I'm from Romania.

I cant take this much longer now I was fit healthy happy lovely life until tinnitus started so bad so loud and now all normal sounds are deafening (hyperacusis) its so loud my ears hurt vibrate anxiety is n ow crippling im frightend of living and frightened of dying why me why this why now ive had so very much medically and overcome it but this I cant even eat wash go out sleep gone from busy with friends ive so had enough of this now 22 months its horrific sorry to rabbit only other thing I keep thinking is stop eating and drinking

 

[lost_soul83]

Over the weekend I had pain in my gut. Excruciating pain. I avoided ER because I didn't want to get hit with an overwhelming bill so I waited till Monday to see my doctor and suffered all weekend. Monday morning I had an ultrasound which revealed that my gallbladder was infected, inflamed and covered in stones. My doctor said I would go septic if we didn't remove immediately. I was admitted and my gb removed. I am home recovering now.

Throughout that time I got not one get well card. The only person who has been there was my neighbor who, if I may be honest, I don't even like that much because I have nothing in common with her and she is one of those conversation dominators who has to make everything about her. But I am grateful to her because on the day of my surgery, she did drive me and was there while I was operated on and drove me home. Outside of her... nothing.

My office knew but nobody asked how i was doing. I did have .a work colleague defriend me on faebook because of a work incident last week. Someone in the office has a car accident, they lose a pet or leave the company they get an outpouring of love in the form of cards and flowers. I almost die and I get nothing.

I have really tried to putter on in life. I will be 52 next year. I try to be social. I do group fitness classes regularly (or i did before i got sick). I even do live band karaoke once a month at a local bar. I am not some anti-social person who doesn't try to fit in. I am simply tired of trying. I have concluded that 90% of the human race is shit and I am tired of trying.

I want to end my life but I don't know how. I don't want to suffer and I don't want to leave a mess. I want full proof.
If I wasn't clear, I'd appreciate some suggestions... I would like to do it this weekend.

I am so sorry that no one made an effort to check up on you through this difficult time. If I knew you irl, I would've been there for you. Please pm me if you wanna talk. Hope your recovery goes well.

 

[jake3d]

I cant take this much longer now I was fit healthy happy lovely life until tinnitus started so bad so loud and now all normal sounds are deafening (hyperacusis) its so loud my ears hurt vibrate anxiety is n ow crippling im frightend of living and frightened of dying why me

Yeah i've been thinking the same, although it is mostly my own fault for what happened to me (years and years of listening to loud music, then a dumb accident i won't get into right now). I must have had no pain receptors in my ears lol, then when they did decide to fire they did it all at once.

Do you have any access to drugs or a car? I can't get lethal drugs either but i could pay for them, also, i can travel. The pain will make it 'fun' but it is there all the time so it's not like it would hurt less if i stay where i am.

I'm ok with you ranting - i feel the same way myself.
EDIT: If you want to keep talking we should move this to email or some sort of IM, don't wanna be derailing this thread too much.

 

[Susan Caswell]

Yeah i've been thinking the same, although it is mostly my own fault for what happened to me (years and years of listening to loud music, then a dumb accident i won't get into right now). I must have had no pain receptors in my ears lol, then when they did decide to fire they did it all at once.

Do you have any access to drugs or a car? I can't get lethal drugs either but i could pay for them, also, i can travel. The pain will make it 'fun' but it is there all the time so it's not like it would hurt less if i stay where i am.

I'm ok with you ranting - i feel the same way myself.
EDIT: If you want to keep talking we should move this to email or some sort of IM, don't wanna be derailing this thread too much.

ive always looked after my ears so don't get this or why on any level if I could stand it but I cant its too loud dear god someone help me I had everything to live for busy happy real healthy all it had to do was not come why why why me why now

 

[jake3d]

Have you hit your head or taken any weird medication? There are many medications that damage the ears, sadly.

Btw, if it's because of meds it may be reversible so there could be hope for you.

 

[Susan Caswell]

Have you hit your head or taken any weird medication? There are many medications that damage the ears, sadly.

Btw, if it's because of meds it may be reversible so there could be hope for you.

Hi sadly I have no clue what caused this from nowhere I was fit well calm happy went to bed 22 months ago no problems we had just had wonderful holiday in Italy 2 months before woke horrendous tinnitus it was bad but only one ear and no hyperacusis or anxiety but its just got worse and worse to now intolerable its way too loud for a person to live with on any level im running out of time ive tried to keep going see if it would stop lessen but it just wont never thought I could be posting asking for help in a suicide group its just not fair ive had and recovered cancer, big back op and much more and id trade any of it for this so dementing in your own ears no let up on and on cant think cant eat cant get washed dressed cant sleep I know it sounds ridiculous but its way too much noise for me of all the conditions on the planet I could have done anything but this hated anything wrong with me ears or noise but this dear god its such immense suffering I just think it would have stopped by now if it could and all the things ive tried thank you for responding to me trying to help me suggest things wish you could stop this for me whats happened to me and beyond devastated and so very ill from the anxiety of it and no proper sleep for 22 months I would have got gold medal for sleep I could sleep on a clothes line

 

[jake3d]

Cancer - that's a big one. How long ago was it? Sadly, most cancer medication is highly damaging to the ears. Not the answer you were waiting for, i know...

 

[Susan Caswell]

Thanks for keep responding to me and trying to help me suggest things its marvellous just wish you could stop this for me

Cancer - that's a big one. How long ago was it? Sadly, most cancer medication is highly damaging to the ears. Not the answer you were waiting for, i know...

It was 40 years ago so think it would have come on before now really but also been on long term meds for blood pressure and thyroxine so don't know if they could do this but again been on them 20 years all out of options I so want to now now need peace quiet calm but I just don't know how all I can really think is to stop eating and drinking thought id jump but im terrified of heights and what if I don't die, don't know how to get Nembutal and don't have enough other pills what a terrible demented state to be in are you ok what brings you to this site