Hypocrisy in SS

[lillmonix3]

In almost every thread, I see people constantly writing "I'm so sorry you feel that way, etc."This is hypocrisy. You don't know this person and you all write this as one. What is your goal? Fill the statistics of your account? Do you simply feel better because you allegedly supported a person.


I'm not toxic, but it just freaks me out. They often tell me that my life is important to them, but they communicate with me only when I write to them first.Maybe that's why I react so strongly to these "words of support".

 

[LunaXCBN]

Can you elaborate a bit on how it's hypocrisy? I'm curious but don't quite get it

 

[inmyhead]

I don't really understand how it's hypocrisy? I can feel sorry that any person feels suicidal, especially as I know how horrific it is. It's called empathy.

 

[lillmonix3]

Can you elaborate a bit on how it's hypocrisy? I'm curious but don't quite get it

My vision is that, for example, in a thread where a person writes that he will die today, many users come and write that they are very sorry.And that's always the case, why not do something, somehow help this person. I am not saying to discourage suicide, but simply even to help with it And they all constantly write to us that it is a pity that you choose such a path, etc.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It's called empathizing with others. There's no hypocrisy about it. Most here are miserable in one way or another for various reasons and can relate to how it feels to be miserable. Most people feel "bad" when others feel bad, whether we know them or not. It's what us humans do.

 

[lillmonix3]

I don't really understand how it's hypocrisy? I can feel sorry that any person feels suicidal, especially as I know how horrific it is. It's called empathy.

I understand, but for some reason, for example, I don't come across this in a thread where a person tells how she feels bad, and when she decides to do it, everyone sympathizes.I understand when they wish good luck or simply support this person, but (I personally) did not want several dozen people to fly to me and write that they are very sorry.

 

[LunaXCBN]

My vision is that, for example, in a thread where a person writes that he will die today, many users come and write that they are very sorry.And that's always the case, why not do something, somehow help this person. I am not saying to discourage suicide, but simply even to help with it And they all constantly write to us that it is a pity that you choose such a path, etc.

Oh yeah no I kinda get it now
I definitely see that now. I don't necessarily agree 100% but I can see it

 

[lillmonix3]

Oh yeah no I kinda get it now
I definitely see that now. I don't necessarily agree 100% but I can see it

What am I talking about? Maybe I'm just phrasing something wrong . Or maybe I just have another mood swing today and I'm angry at everything around me

 

[inmyhead]

I understand, but for some reason, for example, I don't come across this in a thread where a person tells how she feels bad, and when she decides to do it, everyone sympathizes.I understand when they wish good luck or simply support this person, but (I personally) did not want several dozen people to fly to me and write that they are very sorry.

I think perhaps because for people who post goodbye threads here there is only so much that people can do. We don't know where every member lives, and sadly there are so many goodbye threads posted every day. It's a small way to try and show that person that they are not alone in the lowest point of their life, and there are people who are thinking about them as they potentially go on this very lonely journey by themselves.

Does that make sense? That's how I see it at least. If I posted a goodbye thread and people wrote a small message, I would feel less alone and isolated.

 

[Embalmer]

In almost every thread, I see people constantly writing "I'm so sorry you feel that way, etc."This is hypocrisy. You don't know this person and you all write this as one. What is your goal? Fill the statistics of your account? Do you simply feel better because you allegedly supported a person.


I'm not toxic, but it just freaks me out. They often tell me that my life is important to them, but they communicate with me only when I write to them first.Maybe that's why I react so strongly to these "words of support".

I can understand where you're coming from but at the same time, personally, I don't need to know the other person in order to genuinely care about them. Even if others don't feel the same way, I genuinely value every single member here on this site. I see them as someone who has faced similar struggles as me and is here because of that. I can say I'm "sorry they feel that way" because I have been there myself and know how hard it is, I don't have to know who they are to recognize that we are all going through the struggles of life together. I think all life is important, no one ever has to earn that from me. I don't do it to feel better by allegedly supporting some random person either, I do it simply because if there's even a .001% chance my words can bring them any sort of comfort or understanding then it is worth it. They don't have to believe me or even read what I say, I can't force people to accept my words or help, but I still value them as a fellow member anyways. I understand how shitty it feels when you always have to be the person to reach out to the other first, but I promise there are those who genuinely support you out there and would reach out to you first.

 

[lillmonix3]

I think perhaps because for people who post goodbye threads here there is only so much that people can do. We don't know where every member lives, and sadly there are so many goodbye threads posted every day. It's a small way to try and show that person that they are not alone in the lowest point of their life, and there are people who are thinking about them as they potentially go on this very lonely journey by themselves.

Does that make sense? That's how I see it at least. If I posted a goodbye thread and people wrote a small message, I would feel less alone and isolated.

Maybe you're right, or maybe there's just something wrong with me, and I perceive sympathy sharply and negatively.It is more likely that I have some kind of trauma that makes me behave like this and think like this

 

[FailureToAll]

I think its just a small way for people to show empathy and support. It's impossible to know what type of response or help everyone wants or needs and most of us here are dealing with our own struggles so probably aren't in the best mindset to help everyone, yet still try by atleast posting a short message of support.

 

[CoffeeCrow]

I have felt empathy for people feeling suicidal that I don't even know about because I can relate to the feeling of considering that route as the only viable one because nothing else has worked out. I have reached out to some people that I can relate to in a mental health level to see how they were doing, and I feel sympathy that indeed, I can't do anything to help them.
It's just me knowing that we're all trapped together in this fucking shithole and even if I want to lend someone else a hand, they're just as incapacitated as me. The helplessness is something I can relate to, just like I don't want to feel this way, I don't want others to have to feel it.

It's the recognition of a common ground in suffering.

 

[DeadlineDialer]

You're right in some regard and I get where you're coming from. Many of us don't know each other, we haven't lived each others lives. We can talk and share stories, but we can never truly understand another person completely. Who are we to judge someone else's feelings and circumstances and take them through the same rigmarole they've been running around for god knows how long?

One thing we all relate to here is the feeling of being beaten down by life time and time again. The overbearing and dreadful feeling of having no hope for escape other than taking the final step of all. Most all of us here know how shitty, crushing, powerless, agonizing, consuming, draining, and lonely it feels. The comfort words bring varies from person to person, for some they mean nothing, for some they mean everything. Just being seen and heard is enough to get some people enough peace to enjoy their day. There's only so much we can do through a screen, but we want to tell them they aren't wrong for how they feel, they aren't alone. We tell them what we wish we could hear. If it may alleviate some of that weight even just a little, it might be worth it, there's nothing to lose by saying it. Another harsh fact is, there is nothing to say in certain situations. We're just as helpless as the people on the edge. The only thing we can do is try to alleviate the stress they're feeling so they can have one last moment where they can feel like they finally made the right decision.

I absolutely get the way you feel there's some ulterior motive behind every move, really, I do. I've been manipulated and gamed enough to know not to trust anyone no matter how flowery their words. To know that no matter what you say, they just won't really 'get it'. You're valid in the way you feel, and right for it too, don't put yourself down for being fucked over in the past. Idk, all we can do is hope to be of help in our lives, to bring some sense of peace for others or ourselves so our existences don't feel in vain. I just know I don't wish this feeling of apathy and hopelessness upon even my worst enemy.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not sure I really understand this thread at all honestly but... Do you think that instead of people being sympathetic and sending a kind message to a person venting on here, they should say "you need help" and force unsolicted advice onto them that they never even asked for. I don't know what other "help" you could be referring to on goodbye threads as if someone has reached that point then they would had already have their method planned. If someone wants advice about methods they will specifically ask for it.

This forum isn't a pro-life, prolonging suffering forum, it's a place for suicidal people to vent and have their decisions supported and respected unless someone is specifically searching for advice, it's meant for those who want to escape from the empty words "get help" that are everywhere else in this pro-life society.

Saying I'm sorry is just being sympathetic, I'm quite confused why you are compaining about other people being kind despite the fact that there are so many people who are cruel and insensitive towards those who are suicidal.

Judging by the original post you clearly don't get that this website is a place to support suicidal people. I'd much rather recieve a reply of "I'm sorry" than you need "help", people come here specifically to avoid being told that.

 

[Unattainable666]

It's called empathy. Some have it some don't.

 

[Aergia]

Receiving expressions of empathy and support can also make people feel less lonely (and I think many of us here are lonely). Sometimes you just need to feel heard and so a response like that can go a long way.

 

[avoid]

Any thread deserves at least some kind of attention. It's sad to see someone going entirely unnoticed considering that quite a lot of people feel lonely already. A simple reaction (emoji) will do but some want to take the extra step and reply (post).

Imagine posting a venting thread and receiving no reactions at all. Moreover, the number of views is low too.

 

[SVEN]

My vision is that, for example, in a thread where a person writes that he will die today, many users come and write that they are very sorry.And that's always the case, why not do something, somehow help this person. I am not saying to discourage suicide, but simply even to help with it And they all constantly write to us that it is a pity that you choose such a path, etc.

I'm not really clear what is the "something" you feel I could do (any constructive suggestions what ?) or how I could somehow "help" this person.
Having attempted to kill myself, and been physically stopped during the attempt, I do have some appreciation of the feelings of despair, weariness, desperation and frustration which lead us to view ctb as our final, and best, option. Expressing regret that others are experiencing this and have arrived at this point in their existence just seems natural to me.

 

[SexyIncél]

My vision is that, for example, in a thread where a person writes that he will die today, many users come and write that they are very sorry.And that's always the case, why not do something, somehow help this person. I am not saying to discourage suicide, but simply even to help with it

Do you mean action vs mere talk? If so, I agree! It'd be nice to team up & solve root problems as people wish

Maybe there's something healing about being plugged into a group mind & receiving sympathetic words. But... eh that's limited

 

[UKscotty]

Not sure the original post makes a great deal of sense to me.

My rationale for me usually wishing people good luck and I am sorry is that I accept people have their own right to die.

This is irrespective of age, sex, status or education. I believe it to be a universal human right.

If someone wants to CTB they are not looking for sympathy, they are looking for acceptance.

 

[randal_bond]

If someone wants to CTB they are not looking for sympathy, they are looking for acceptance.

These are very profound words, my friend. It's true. Acceptance and support and not to be completely alone at this time. We're social beings, and it just makes it a bit easier. We even have a saying to this effect in our language.

On the other hand, all those people who deny others right to chose, don't care about them at all.

 

[inmyhead]

Maybe you're right, or maybe there's just something wrong with me, and I perceive sympathy sharply and negatively.It is more likely that I have some kind of trauma that makes me behave like this and think like this

Maybe there is, not everyone responds to sympathy well. Some people don't like it at all and that's okay. Everyone has different feelings and responses to things. I suppose if you don't want to receive that form of sympathy/empathy people show here then don't post a thread like a goodbye thread - or specifically state that you're not looking for sympathy or empathy.

But there's nothing wrong with feeling less alone. Everyone here is in the same boat and actively feels suicidal or has felt suicidal at some point. It's nice be in a place with people who understand what that feels like.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In goodbye threads- I think it's more that we're sorry that the person's life has been so awful that it has come to this.

Maybe you mean words are cheap though? As in- if we were to actually meet this person in real life- would we go out of our way to actually help them? So- in a way- saying you are sorry for someone might be just as 'throw away' as a platitude perhaps? Not sure if that's what you mean? In which case- you may have a point. When it comes down to it, just how invested are we in other people? It probably varies person to person. My God Mum would cry if she saw me crying. It hurt her so much to see me upset. She had amazing empathy.

Here, it's difficult. There are so many truly horrific stories. I think people are genuinely sorry though- most of the time. It's a kind of mutual pitty being stuck with a life you are struggling with. I actually think people who have struggled themselves are more genuinely sorry than people who are breezing through life.

 

[FadingFast2023]

Couldn't agree more, nothing is less helpful than empty platitudes and being too lazy to engage with someone on their actual issues. 98% of the replies here might as well a ChatGPT bot.

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

In almost every thread, I see people constantly writing "I'm so sorry you feel that way, etc."This is hypocrisy. You don't know this person and you all write this as one. What is your goal? Fill the statistics of your account? Do you simply feel better because you allegedly supported a person.


I'm not toxic, but it just freaks me out. They often tell me that my life is important to them, but they communicate with me only when I write to them first.Maybe that's why I react so strongly to these "words of support".

Come on, we all know what it's like to be depressed. All we know is being suicidal and how good it feels to be heard. I really say to be heard. It is very opposite of a pro-lifer who does this just to perpetuate the suffering of others. I always ask if the person who wrote the post is okay, reinforcing that I know what it's like to be in that situation. Not because I want the person to live, but because I know how important it is to be well cared for and listened to in their last moments on earth. Now, I've seen a lot of people do this to create a feeling of guilt in the person, this is ridiculous. Most of the time I really care about the person saying goodbye on the other side of the screen, because I know that will be me one day.


What would you like us to say instead of sympathy?

 

[Death is my goal]

My vision is that, for example, in a thread where a person writes that he will die today, many users come and write that they are very sorry.And that's always the case, why not do something, somehow help this person. I am not saying to discourage suicide, but simply even to help with it And they all constantly write to us that it is a pity that you choose such a path, etc.

help the person how?

 

[girlsboysthems]

id rather have people say i get it and im sorry you feeel that way than to tell me to seek help and use the same old phrases average person uses (you havent tried everything, it gets better when ur brain is fully developed, try calling the hotline etc.). my opinion tho.

 

[lillmonix3]

That's all, I realized that I was wrong.
Therefore, it is enough to write here about humanity and sensitivity. Just a dozen messages of the same type

 

[Pipsqueak!]

Well, there's this thing called empathy, it's a basic human emotion. A lot of people on here know how it feels to be depressed so they'd probably show that. I apologize if this reply came off as rude, though.