Discussion Hypervigilance while trying to ignore or not care about others.

[rotthjärta]

How do you do it. Not care or ignore people.

Main point- Does anyone else have people watcher syndrome lol or hyper vigilance from Cptsd or something and its hard to even try to "ignore" everyone or focus on oneself HOW the fuck do you do that. I mean I get it in a way if you aren't hyervigilant or idk i dont actually haa. Dude I stopped leaving the house, try to avoid outside as much. don't want to meet people outside. Isn't it fucking annoying when someone tells you that you just need to ignore the rest, that they dont matter. I always carry a knife with me, Im consantly paranoid for the littlest thing. Loud people or noises make me wary am i just stupid. How do you stop can you even when you have some false belief in your head its you vs the world haa.

Bullshit Vent- Im certain I have c-ptsd so hypervigilance was always a bitch. sorry I am drunk and my grammar or typing may be shit, I like to vent but in so It's that I like more so dicussions about stuff I think about.

Im always on alert, always hearing or looking around is why I know so much about everyone even If i never spoke to them. It's why I have vivid memories about minute things or hold grudges for so fucking long because the brain for some reason wants to hold everything and know whats going on at all times. I hate getting in specfics but Im hyper vigilant for a reason and I hate it. I have people tell me to just ignore things or people I CANT AT ALL. For a while i drunk mysekf stupid or that dph phase i had where i would just numb myself on pills and nod off like an idiot at school and get made fun of amzing. Ironically one of those stupid bitches I became friedns with she always struggle with addicion but it was different bullshit and whatever it just angers me I let a lot of people disrespect me.

I walk into a room and immedialty it happens unconsciously and consciously I need to know whos in the room, what they talk about I pick up. Or even their character. How should I act based on whats going on around. GOD i fucking hate large gatherings I remember this stupid bitch got so fucking angry at me because I left during the fucking ending graduation accouncements some celebration bullshit. I dont like being in a room with a 100 or so people and loud fucking mics and its just weird and annoying and I cant focus on anything I get paranoid. Or I live with people who like to yell all the time, argue, or slam doors and I can;t even listen to music because I have to lower it or stop it, I get paranoid something will happen again or that I have to get u and act fast. I tell myself not to care but its hard I can't stop "caring" or having to know it all. But im mainly around people I have to watch out for, I hold grudges I hate them all, I hate them all I hate them all so much. Im too lazy to keep going.

I'm shameless. Once I was. The bullshit I have done, it has happened where I was so low I just couldn't care if they knew or saw. But I would keep walking or going on with life ignoring them. But now I can't. Or sometimes I can. This old disgusting hag I hate her to such a degree I dont care about anything she does or say. Shes a monster a disgusting thing I wouldnt call human and with her I always never cared. Do i always have to be so low to the point life doesn't matter for me to have such relationship with people, Do they have to be so horrible that then its a indication they are not worthy of care or human decency. Haven't I been proved that with mankind Is it that I am not truthful then. I'll shut up thank you.

 

[Sedfrg]

Even though the text is hard to read, the meaning comes through clearly: it's sad that no one responded when you were genuinely trying to explain what you were going through. A lot of those feelings - hatred, indifference, emotional exhaustion - seem to have grown out of your own constant vigilance. And it's important not to confuse your personality with the pathology itself, so you don't lose your sense of who you are.
I'm not really someone who likes giving serious advice or making judgments about mental health, especially to people writing on SaSu. Usually, I just offer a neutral perspective from someone in a different reality, sometimes driven by my own curiosity and interest in "understanding" people.
I can relate to you to some degree. My brain also works a bit differently - it tends to attach meaning to certain events, and sometimes even a neutral look or gesture can feel like a real threat, something the body instinctively prepares for.