Help Hurting loved ones

[subjectivism]

Last month I wanted to end my life, but I couldn't do it. I've been to this point several times in my life, and I just can't bring myself to hurt my family that much. On the one hand, I can't see anything good anymore, life itself is a martyrdom, it's pointless and feels like a punishment. There is nothing I would like more than not to exist. On the other hand, I know how it feels to lose someone to suicide, and I would never want my family to go through that because of me. My sisters would be devastated, one of them would probably kill herself too. My mother would go insane and my best friend would probably never get over it. It tears me apart, I am completely helpless and don't know what I can do to put an end to it. I have been on sick leave for over a month and have thought a lot but I don't know how to go on and this stagnation makes the pain worse every day. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm trapped and have to decide whether I suffer or my family suffers, and day by day I'm getting closer to the point where I just can't take it anymore. How do people decide what to do in a situation like this?

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that after all it's up to the individual deciding if suicide will be the way that they will die, none of us are obligated to continue existing here, it's a personal decision but that sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I just personally wish that nobody forced life into this world in the first place so that nobody would have to die, grief and loss are simply inevitable, we all have to die eventually.