colorlesshue
all guts no glory; all survivor no guilt.
- Jun 28, 2023
- 131
yeah i cant shut up over being dumped so sorry in advanced i guess lmao
i wonder about the future i guess, they still want to be friends and while their struggling with their own mental health and while i don't blame then i can't help but feel guilty and angry and grief and it's just not fair. i tried so hard and it's not fair, even at my lowest i still made time for them and loved and tried and now their gone and i hope when i'm gone they ache for me. it's so selfish and stupid but i hope it hurts when i die, to everyone i loved and everyone who left. i can't handle being abandoned again and i can't handle anymore hurt. whatever i love leaves me and whatever doesn't rots away bitterly in my hands and i hope my death hurts so much it kills. i want to be missed and i want to be loved and it hurts because they used to be so interested in me, did i become boring? was i not worth keeping at your lowest? i tried so hard for you at my worst and you just threw me away over text like i was nothing and now we're friends and i feel bitter and cold and i hope my absence haunts you the way yours haunts me. even before you left me i looked for you everywhere and i still find you in the stupidest things, even a swollen thumb reminds me of you and it fills me with so much anger and bitterness because all i can do is cry and pretend what you did to me is fine because i want to be with you even if its platonic and that fucking hurts. you dumped me out of nowhere and it feels like salt to a bitter bloody wound and all i can do is cry and scream its so stupid but your so much nicer to me in my head. i wonder, do you wish i was different? i want to wait and its awful and i should't, but i don't think i'll be alive long enough to stop waiting.
i wonder about the future i guess, they still want to be friends and while their struggling with their own mental health and while i don't blame then i can't help but feel guilty and angry and grief and it's just not fair. i tried so hard and it's not fair, even at my lowest i still made time for them and loved and tried and now their gone and i hope when i'm gone they ache for me. it's so selfish and stupid but i hope it hurts when i die, to everyone i loved and everyone who left. i can't handle being abandoned again and i can't handle anymore hurt. whatever i love leaves me and whatever doesn't rots away bitterly in my hands and i hope my death hurts so much it kills. i want to be missed and i want to be loved and it hurts because they used to be so interested in me, did i become boring? was i not worth keeping at your lowest? i tried so hard for you at my worst and you just threw me away over text like i was nothing and now we're friends and i feel bitter and cold and i hope my absence haunts you the way yours haunts me. even before you left me i looked for you everywhere and i still find you in the stupidest things, even a swollen thumb reminds me of you and it fills me with so much anger and bitterness because all i can do is cry and pretend what you did to me is fine because i want to be with you even if its platonic and that fucking hurts. you dumped me out of nowhere and it feels like salt to a bitter bloody wound and all i can do is cry and scream its so stupid but your so much nicer to me in my head. i wonder, do you wish i was different? i want to wait and its awful and i should't, but i don't think i'll be alive long enough to stop waiting.
