How would you feel if someone comitted suicide?

[Cold]

I have made a firend on this site. This is the sweetest, kindest and most lovable person I have ever spoken too and if they were to leave I have no idea what I would do. I would be completely devastated. This person has shown me something beautiful and brought hope back to me and I wish for nothing more than their pain and suffering to end but not by them dying. I would do anything to make them happy again. I'm am all for everyones right to decide over their own fate, but I would never ever want this person or anyone else to kill themselves. Which makes me a big hypocite. It just so fucking wrong, no one should have to go through this kind of distress. No one should have to kill themselves. I just want everyone to be happy. It breaks my heart everytime I read about someone who killed themselves. But deep down in me I can understand but never accept it. This world is.. not very nice.

 

[PatKat]

Hey,
all of us are wanting to ctb so that's why we're on here.
But how would you feel if someone you love killed themselves?
I honestly would be sad, but accepting of their death as I am suicidal myself.

Its very sad... but this pain isnt worth living sometimes.

 

[Volatile]

My friend's dad shot himself in the heart while laying in bed. It affected me a lot. He was the coolest guy ever. I barely knew him but I still think about him

 

[MEoDP]

It hasn't happened to me yet. I did have a classmate do himself him via full suspension when I was studying in a college course I had no business being in. He was only an acquaintance however,his death didn't affect me all that much other than the fact that I honestly envied him and wanted to follow through myself. (That course I was studying in the past was making me suicidal. If I had continued to go down on that path,I probably would have truly ended up doing myself in.)

 

[whatmattersmost]

My BestFriend who lived down the Street from Me(we bought houses on the same street)Committed suicide recently.
It Hurts to Lose the ones we love.
No matter how they Die.
When you Lose somebody Close to You to suicide it can be Hard to Understand
Think of it like this though,everybody Dies,accept that it's My Yours anyone & everyone who chooses to do it our way of ending life on our own Terms, Nothing more beautiful then that.

 

[No Future]

Two people I grew up with caught the bus. One through overdose, the other hung himself.

I never grieved properly. It never truly sunk in, and I'm not upset in recalling their experiences in order to write this. The only thing I felt was a brief bout of sympathy for the first, and anger for the other. Acknowledging internally that I felt so little was, and is, quite troubling to me. I often wonder if I ever will grieve for them properly, but as time continues, I doubt it.

Accidental deaths and murder tend to hit me harder. Perhaps I subconsciously assign more grief to those who had little choice; who deserved their chance. Ultimately, I feel selfish for not grieving people with and without the choice as equals.

 

[whatmattersmost]

I have made a firend on this site. This is the sweetest, kindest and most lovable person I have ever spoken too and if they were to leave I have no idea what I would do. I would be completely devastated. This person has shown me something beautiful and brought hope back to me and I wish for nothing more than their pain and suffering to end but not by them dying. I would do anything to make them happy again. I'm am all for everyones right to decide over their own fate, but I would never ever want this person or anyone else to kill themselves. Which makes me a big hypocite. It just so fucking wrong, no one should have to go through this kind of distress. No one should have to kill themselves. I just want everyone to be happy. It breaks my heart everytime I read about someone who killed themselves. But deep down in me I can understand but never accept it. This world is.. not very nice.

Maybe you are on the Wrong website?
I mean absolutely No disrespect by that and apologize if it comes off the wrong way

 

[whatmattersmost]

Two people I grew up with caught the bus. One through overdose, the other hung himself.

I never grieved properly. It never truly sunk in, and I'm not upset in recalling their experiences in order to write this. The only thing I felt was a brief bout of sympathy for the first, and anger for the other. Acknowledging internally that I felt so little was, and is, quite troubling to me. I often wonder if I ever will grieve for them properly, but as time continues, I doubt it.

Accidental deaths and murder tend to hit me harder. Perhaps I subconsciously assign more grief to those who had little choice; who deserved their chance. Ultimately, I feel selfish for not grieving people with and without the choice as equals.

Society tells us Not to show emotion.
Keep Anger/Sadness to ourselves.
Grieving Probably can be Hard to do.
Between 2016-2017 Death collected more friends then in any Years prior combined, I didn't show any emotion until 2018, it Never felt so Good to Cry.

 

[whatmattersmost]

Society tells us Not to show emotion.
Keep Anger/Sadness to ourselves.
Grieving Probably can be Hard to do.
Between 2016-2017 Death collected more friends then in any Years prior combined, I didn't show any emotion until 2018, it Never felt so Good to Cry.

Grieving Properly*

 

[Cold]

Maybe you are on the Wrong website?
I mean absolutely No disrespect by that and apologize if it comes off the wrong way

Don't worry, I understand what you mean. I just think it's sad that so many people feel bad.

 

[whatmattersmost]

Don't worry, I understand what you mean. I just think it's sad that so many people feel bad.

I agree.
It is.

 

[Morning Angel]

Like others have said, I feel sad they've gone... but mostly sad that life drove them to the point of suffering so deeply. To me, that is the real injustice. I have myself watched family members go through with this and several people from the CTB community who I got to know in real life. I always feel ambivalent at first, but know that it was their choice and they were the best experts of their lives. Nobody had to live their life, they did. For one of those people, I feel still that I let them down.

I've also listened to survivors say all kinds of things to justify their actions preceding the person's death (whether lack of involvement, mistreatment, abandonment, abuse) and I pity them because I know deep down... when things are quiet at the end of the day, and they are alone in their thoughts... they will know they contributed to the person's pain.

 

[medusa]

Like others have said, I feel sad they've gone... but mostly sad that life drove them to the point of suffering so deeply. To me, that is the real injustice. I have myself watched family members go through with this and several people from the CTB community who I got to know in real life. I always feel ambivalent at first, but know that it was their choice and they were the best experts of their lives. Nobody had to live their life, they did. For one of those people, I feel still that I let them down.

I've also listened to survivors say all kinds of things to justify their actions preceding the person's death (whether lack of involvement, mistreatment, abandonment, abuse) and I pity them because I know deep down... when things are quiet at the end of the day, and they are alone in their thoughts... they will know they contributed to the person's pain.

You can't put the blame fully on the person's family or friends. Often people kill themselves because of factors that have nothing to do with family or even other people.

 

[Morning Angel]

You can't put the blame fully on the person's family or friends. Often people kill themselves because of factors that have nothing to do with family or even other people.

I don't place full blame on anyone. But in these particular cases, there was more to the story. I just prefer not to get into it.

 

[whatmattersmost]

You can't put the blame fully on the person's family or friends. Often people kill themselves because of factors that have nothing to do with family or even other people.

True.
When I ctb it'll have Nothing to do with any or because of anyone.
Just me ctb.

 

[RM5998]

Hey,
all of us are wanting to ctb so that's why we're on here.
But how would you feel if someone you love killed themselves?
I honestly would be sad, but accepting of their death as I am suicidal myself.

Well, one of my friends did do that. One night, he swallowed a bunch of benzos, and tied a bag around his head. There was no note, which intrigued me, so I spend a long time trying to find out how it went down. We used to play Dota together, so I spend a lot of time analyzing the replay of his last game to find out how the night would have gone. Oddly enough, all this was purely from an intellectual perspective - I never wanted to know why, just the how. Somehow all I felt was this kinship mixed with jealousy and respect. A bunch of his friends took it pretty badly, and I never understood why - I always thought it was stupid to try to assume you could make his decisions for him.

 

[Duqu]

How quick is that death? Is it painful?

I have no idea, I wasn't there to ask her. :P

 

[WorthlessGirl]

My grandma killed herself, I didn't feel anything. I don't feel anything when people I know die.

 

[SnowyDreams]

Someone I love a lot did. It's taken me a lot of time to accept that for them it was the only way out. That they tried (and they did try so fucking hard) but nothing worked. Only recently I started to feel guilty for wanting them back. It's just not fair for them to feel like this. I wanted them to be ok, to be happy and at peace. No matter what. If they couldn't get that in life, because life was a waking nightmare... well. I don't understand how it's taken me so long to accept it. I understand and know too well what it is like to live like this. I'm selfish, I guess.

 

[mattwitt]

A friend of a friend of mine committed suicide about 15 years ago. I didn't find out about it till a few years later but when I did it scared me and I literally thought about the guy everyday all day long for about 3 months and I kept thinking about some of his really close friends that I knew and how bad they probably took if. If there was a funeral for him it was probably one of those real tear jerker ones you wouldn't want to go to

 

[Morning Angel]

A friend of a friend of mine committed suicide about 15 years ago. I didn't find out about it till a few years later but when I did it scared me and I literally thought about the guy everyday all day long for about 3 months and I kept thinking about some of his really close friends that I knew and how bad they probably took if. If there was a funeral for him it was probably one of those real tear jerker ones you wouldn't want to go to

He must have been quite loved. I'm sorry for your loss :(

 

[mattwitt]

He must have been quite loved. I'm sorry for your loss :(

Thanks! And he was.