Help How would I go about forcing two alcoholic parents to stop their habits 100% with little to no consequences?

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Yes, I am 23 years old however like most adults nowadays, I cannot afford a house yet. I have a friend making money for me and my girlfriend to move into an apartment together. However in the meantime I have to stay with my terrible sorry excuse for parents. Every so often the two have some sort of alcohol binge and the two act like spoiled children for an undisclosed/undetermined amount of days before returning "normal". I never had a good relationship with my parents after hitting double digits, I've pretty much grown to hate them and just hadn't said anything. I wanna do something impactful that will stop this cycle of drinking binges on their part so I don't have to hear them arguing in the other room. I'm willing to do anything, even something morally questionable, so long as it doesn't have legal/long term consequences on my end. "Moving out" isn't an option for me. I don't have the money, nor do I have a car or a license. Honestly, who has their own car/house nowadays? I'm gonna need to do something big and impactful. Something that will finish something that should have ended way before it started.

 

[Sans]

Try approaching them with compassion. Ask them, is there anything going on in their lives? Any injustices they face that make them drink to feel some semblance of happiness? Maybe there's an underlying problem that should be addressed at the root.

 

[adrenalinejunkie]

If you're trying to get one of them to stop drinking, let alone two, I'm afraid you have your work cut out for you. If you haven't already try talking to them and let them know what impact their drinking has on you. Maybe they don't even know it's affecting you.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Try approaching them with compassion. Ask them, is there anything going on in their lives? Any injustices they face that make them drink to feel some semblance of happiness? Maybe there's an underlying problem that should be addressed at the root.

That never works. More often then not when I ask about basic things being issues I often get something akin to "none of your business" every time. Often I have to find out myself. And like I said, I don't have a good relationship with my parents. Not to mention they both think I'm stupid because of my autism and therefore can't understand "grownup problems"

If you're trying to get one of them to stop drinking, let alone two, I'm afraid you have your work cut out for you.

I'm not sure what you mean by this

 

[EternalShore]

I have no idea how to help you, but I do offer you my support and condolences if those mean anything. :( I hope you find a solution to your predicament, whatever that may be~
Just remember that you will never have to talk to them again once you get that apartment! >_<

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I have no idea how to help you, but I do offer you my support and condolences if those mean anything. :( I hope you find a solution to your predicament, whatever that may be~
Just remember that you will never have to talk to them again once you get that apartment! >_<

Well no shit, either way I need solutions for the now

 

[adrenalinejunkie]

That never works. More often then not when I ask about basic things being issues I often get something akin to "none of your business" every time. Often I have to find out myself. And like I said, I don't have a good relationship with my parents. Not to mention they both think I'm stupid because of my autism and therefore can't understand "grownup problems"

I'm not sure what you mean by this

It's really really hard to get someone to quit drinking (assuming they are alcoholic) unless they want to quit and even then it's not easy to do. Lots of people quit drinking and stay sober with help from places like AA but it usually takes some kind of catastrophic event to get them there like losing their job or marriage or getting a DWI.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

It's really really hard to get someone to quit drinking (assuming they are alcoholic) unless they want to quit and even then it's not easy to do. Lots of people quit drinking and stay sober with help from places like AA but it usually takes some kind of catastrophic event to get them there like losing their job or marriage or getting a DWI.

Both of them enable each other's behaviors, they only went to AA once and idk what a DWI is. Even losing a job didn't stop them both from drinking.

 

[adrenalinejunkie]

Both of them enable each other's behaviors, they only went to AA once and idk what a DWI is. Even losing a job didn't stop them both from drinking.

DWI is driving while intoxicated and it is a very unpleasant and prolonged experience. Also called DUI driving under the influence. I've had one and trust me it sucks. Most of the time you're forced to stop drinking while you're on probation or they just stick you back in jail.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

DWI is driving while intoxicated and it is a very unpleasant and prolonged experience. Also called DUI driving under the influence. I've had one and trust me it sucks. Most of the time you're forced to stop drinking while you're on probation or they just stick you back in jail.

That hasn't happened yet and I doubt it'll ever happen. They refuse to drive when drunk.

 

[ChiseHatori]

You're just one person. And you're their kid. If they're anything like my mother and her husband were like, it's not possible, but I don't know your situation.

In my experience parents like that just don't listen because they don't fully... see you, as a full grown person. They just see you as their kid. If that.

I understand how difficult this is. You can try your best, an open and honest conversation is really the only thing you could do sans getting them rehabilitation and therapy.

You can also try to like... show them how much it affects you, if they care about you at all that will put the idea in their brains that 'yeah, this isn't great.'

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

You're just one person. And you're their kid. If they're anything like my mother and her husband were like, it's not possible, but I don't know your situation.

In my experience parents like that just don't listen because they don't fully... see you, as a full grown person. They just see you as their kid. If that.

I understand how difficult this is. You can try your best, an open and honest conversation is really the only thing you could do sans getting them rehabilitation and therapy.

You can also try to like... show them how much it affects you, if they care about you at all that will put the idea in their brains that 'yeah, this isn't great.'

They won't listen. I've tried. Nothing gets through.

 

[ChiseHatori]

They won't listen. I've tried. Nothing gets through.

I'm really sorry. I know how that feels. If you don't even think showing them how it hurts you will work, and they aren't giving you the compassion to listen, then they aren't worth saving.

You'll just have to create your own safe space for now, and see if you can make some sort of plan to get out. This is last resort if it feels like it's all too much.

I moved out the day after I turned 18, got picked up by friends, moved to another state, and got a temp job. I was extremely lucky, but just know it is possible. So I hope you don't feel stuck, at least.

Edit: I'm dumb and forgot that you already have a plan. That's wonderful! Count down the days if you can, even if it's an estimation. That's what got me through.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I'm really sorry. I know how that feels. If you don't even think showing them how it hurts you will work, and they aren't giving you the compassion to listen, then they aren't worth saving.

You'll just have to create your own safe space for now, and see if you can make some sort of plan to get out. This is last resort if it feels like it's all too much.

I moved out the day after I turned 18, got picked up by friends, moved to another state, and got a temp job. I was extremely lucky, but just know it is possible. So I hope you don't feel stuck, at least.

Edit: I'm dumb and forgot that you already have a plan. That's wonderful! Count down the days if you can, even if it's an estimation. That's what got me through.

There's no set day for me to leave. I just gotta wait for the money to come. It's taking too long. Idk how to "create my own safe space" when I'm expected to do chores for them/hear yelling from the other room even with headphones on.

 

[ChiseHatori]

There's no set day for me to leave. I just gotta wait for the money to come. It's taking too long. Idk how to "create my own safe space" when I'm expected to do chores for them/hear yelling from the other room even with headphones on.

It is what it is. You can try to sell things or make things etc. to try to build up money faster. In the meantime just do your best. I wish you well.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

It is what it is. You can try to sell things or make things etc. to try to build up money faster. In the meantime just do your best. I wish you well.

Not possible. Like I said I don't have a car, so I can't drive to the post office

 

[adrenalinejunkie]

Sorry I didn't mention before but Al-Anon is an offshoot program from AA it's for family and children of alcoholics. The program is not about getting your parents to quit drinking but about helping you cope with it in positive ways and help yourself. I like the in person meetings but you can easily find zoom meetings online. Hope this helps.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Sorry I didn't mention before but Al-Anon is an offshoot program from AA it's for family and children of alcoholics. The program is not about getting your parents to quit drinking but about helping you cope with it in positive ways and help yourself. I like the in person meetings but you can easily find zoom meetings online. Hope this helps.

I don't need a "cope" I need a solution.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping because I haven't received a solution and I'm at the point where I wanna leave 100% ASAP

 

[carac]

I think you got your answer in the first reply. You need to get to the root cause of the problem, everyone who drinks does so for a reason, they want to escape, they want to turn off pain, they want to drown their sorrows. You need to find out why they drink and then see what you can do about it. It's neither simple or easy

 

[wait.what]

I realize this isn't the answer you want, but people don't give up addictions unless they're desperate to quit for their own reasons—and sometimes not even then.

You said you didn't want any "cope," so I won't offer any. There just aren't any known solutions either, except the one I already mentioned: having an addict get so fed up with the effects of their addiction that they're willing to do anything to get rid of it.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I think you got your answer in the first reply. You need to get to the root cause of the problem, everyone who drinks does so for a reason, they want to escape, they want to turn off pain, they want to drown their sorrows. You need to find out why they drink and then see what you can do about it. It's neither simple or easy

Oh it's because my father tends to get upset randomly over some guy my mom cheated on him with. Also my mom tends to be an asshole for no reason randomly. This MIGHT be plausible but I feel like "finding the root" would be the equivalent of indirectly justifying their feelings. I feel like the angle of "you have no reason to drink, your life is perfectly fine, fucking grow up" is better as I frankly hate my parents and don't care if they get better or not.

I realize this isn't the answer you want, but people don't give up addictions unless they're desperate to quit for their own reasons—and sometimes not even then.

You said you didn't want any "cope," so I won't offer any. There just aren't any known solutions either, except the one I already mentioned: having an addict get so fed up with the effects of their addiction that they're willing to do anything to get rid of it.

Alright so how do I solve this in a timely manner?

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping because my parents continue to piss me off

 

[Passersby]

I hope that your parents will come around and do better but if not then hopefully you can get out of there eventually.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I hope that your parents will come around and do better but if not then hopefully you can get out of there eventually.

I hope for the latter since the former is impossible

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping because I'm tired of people being irresponsible in this house

 

[ForeverBroken]

Hey there. My son is an alcoholic. Unfortunately you cannot "make" someone quit drinking if they do not want to. If you could, my son would have been sober long ago. I wish there was something else I can say to you about it. You can, however, control how you respond to their actions. I think I saw that you weren't interested in Al-Anon. For me, Al-Anon helped me to cope with his drinking. It also gave me a place where I could safely talk about how it was affecting my life. I'm definitely not perfect in how I deal with him but I'm better than what I was.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Hey there. My son is an alcoholic. Unfortunately you cannot "make" someone quit drinking if they do not want to. If you could, my son would have been sober long ago. I wish there was something else I can say to you about it. You can, however, control how you respond to their actions. I think I saw that you weren't interested in Al-Anon. For me, Al-Anon helped me to cope with his drinking. It also gave me a place where I could safely talk about how it was affecting my life. I'm definitely not perfect in how I deal with him but I'm better than what I was.

Well the difference here is you actually love your son and want him to get better for that reason. I do not love my parents and only want them to quit drinking so they can get the fuck up and be parents for once in their life. I will make them start giving a shit by any means necessary. What would be considered "off the table" for you is not off the table for me.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping because I'm starting to hate this house more and more

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Your parents are adults too, I think they make their own choices and it would be hard to change them, especially as their kid. If they respected their kids more they probably would think more about the impact of their choices anyway. I wish you luck anyway but I think you could consider moving out. My perspective on family is very skewed though since mine were abusive so being away from them in the best thing ever for me personally. Good luck!