How will I ctb? *shrug*

[blueexorcist]

I might try partial/night-night tonight. I've been changing and debating methods for so long, it's stupid. I know I can't continue like this anymore, but I don't know what method I want, how I'm gonna do it, everything is so disorganised. I've debated N, OD, partial, night-night, & cyanide. I want N, but idk if it's okay yet or if it's in my budget. I don't have resources and maybe not budget either for a h/coke/Xan OD. I am still partially (pun not intended but can be applied) confused on how to do night-night, but I've read up on it but I'm just not confident in my ability. I tried extracting cyanide from apricot kernels, but it's so much work and noise extracting.. plus the kernels start to go bad kinda quickly...

I don't want to stay here anymore if I'm honest. I can joke and laugh at all the things I want, but nothing can replace the feelings of sadness and loneliness I actually feel— deflected with the use of attempted humour and light-heartedness. I'm depressed right now and I'm determined to make today my last. It's all getting too much.

It's so typical for people to say, but I've lost everything that made life a little more manageable. All that's left is my job. My coworkers don't really interact with me closely. We get along, but I am the odd one out.. the strange one they'd choose not to interact with if they had a choice between avoiding me or not. If they wanted me fired, easily, the managers could find reason and be convinced. I'm the least favourite due to my awkwardness (best to say I am socially unequipped).

My friends are gone. Someone I was close to, someone I trusted... also gone. My family doesn't say a word to me because I am disowned in my own house. My self-respect, not like I had much anyway. The one being that will look me in the eyes now is my dog—who I will forever acknowledge sees the best in every situation. My life is going to shit and I already know I will never achieve my diploma. I attend school, and for what? There is no point or purpose. Others won't even look at me. I feel so isolated and like I mean so little. I'm on my way to buy my supplies for my method. I can't decide between night-night or partial, but I'll buy what I need for both.

This site has really helped me in learning about the variety of ways to ctb. I am glad I was able to find it.

But,

Are there any other methods I should consider? Something that would be done easily, but also within a reasonable budget? Also, something that would help calm me as I'm doing so/something calm (but effective) in general?

I've looked through a lot of methods on this site and the only things I've found appeal to is (in order of greatest to least):

1. Firearm (my area has strict gun laws and I can't obtain one easily due to adolescent psych-ward records)
2. N
3. Night-night (with Sackhole bags)
4. OD by illegal substances
5. Cyanide
6. Partial

My goal is to do these methods drunk or high, but I can't find resources for either without catching suspicion. Sigh.

 

[thrwaway99]

4. is the one with least sorrow. 1. & 2. work quickly, efficiently and painlessly.
Have you looked into SN?

 

[Rollinggirl]

Carbon monoxide charcoal method , you can look at the carbon monoxide megathread. Btw, you do not need to buy a co meter, just find a small room to conduct this.

 

[blueexorcist]

4. is the one with least sorrow. 1. & 2. work quickly, efficiently and painlessly.
Have you looked into SN?

I have not, but why tin? I haven't thought of it, actually. Sadly, 1&2 are not available to me. 1 likely never will, but idk about how 2 is doing due to the recent conversations about it and where it can be obtained.

Carbon monoxide charcoal method , you can look at the carbon monoxide megathread. Btw, you do not need to buy a co meter, just find a small room to conduct this.

Can activated charcoal be used? I have some at home as my hygiene regimen

 

[Rollinggirl]

I have not, but why tin? I haven't thought of it, actually. Sadly, 1&2 are not available to me. 1 likely never will, but idk about how 2 is doing due to the recent conversations about it and where it can be obtained.



Can activated charcoal be used? I have some at home as my hygiene regimen

I dont think so, just use normal charcoal and burn it, read the steps in the megathread before doing anything

Also this method is pretty painless

I am preparing the materials in the next few months.

 

[blueexorcist]

I dont think so, just use normal charcoal and burn it, read the steps in the megathread before doing anything

Also this method is pretty painless

I am preparing the materials in the next few months.

I will try. My only concern is my excuse for burning charcoal bc I do live with family and I don't want an intervention

 

[Rollinggirl]

I will try. My only concern is my excuse for burning charcoal bc I do live with family and I don't want an intervention

Do it when they go to work?

 

[blueexorcist]

Do it when they go to work?

My grandfather is home constantly and I live in a townhouse-type neighbourhood. Should I Uber to an abandoned building?

 

[jake3d]

Should I Uber to an abandoned building?

If you want to do CO, yes. You don't want any collateral damage.

 

[Kirkscoobz]

You say you attend school, how old are you my friend, if your under 18 then maybe this site is not the place you should be, unlike many of us old folk who have no hope, you are still of an age wear things can and will change for the better. Seek help my friend.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I might try partial/night-night tonight. I've been changing and debating methods for so long, it's stupid. I know I can't continue like this anymore, but I don't know what method I want, how I'm gonna do it, everything is so disorganised. I've debated N, OD, partial, night-night, & cyanide. I want N, but idk if it's okay yet or if it's in my budget. I don't have resources and maybe not budget either for a h/coke/Xan OD. I am still partially (pun not intended but can be applied) confused on how to do night-night, but I've read up on it but I'm just not confident in my ability. I tried extracting cyanide from apricot kernels, but it's so much work and noise extracting.. plus the kernels start to go bad kinda quickly...

I don't want to stay here anymore if I'm honest. I can joke and laugh at all the things I want, but nothing can replace the feelings of sadness and loneliness I actually feel— deflected with the use of attempted humour and light-heartedness. I'm depressed right now and I'm determined to make today my last. It's all getting too much.

It's so typical for people to say, but I've lost everything that made life a little more manageable. All that's left is my job. My coworkers don't really interact with me closely. We get along, but I am the odd one out.. the strange one they'd choose not to interact with if they had a choice between avoiding me or not. If they wanted me fired, easily, the managers could find reason and be convinced. I'm the least favourite due to my awkwardness (best to say I am socially unequipped).

My friends are gone. Someone I was close to, someone I trusted... also gone. My family doesn't say a word to me because I am disowned in my own house. My self-respect, not like I had much anyway. The one being that will look me in the eyes now is my dog—who I will forever acknowledge sees the best in every situation. My life is going to shit and I already know I will never achieve my diploma. I attend school, and for what? There is no point or purpose. Others won't even look at me. I feel so isolated and like I mean so little. I'm on my way to buy my supplies for my method. I can't decide between night-night or partial, but I'll buy what I need for both.

This site has really helped me in learning about the variety of ways to ctb. I am glad I was able to find it.

But,

Are there any other methods I should consider? Something that would be done easily, but also within a reasonable budget? Also, something that would help calm me as I'm doing so/something calm (but effective) in general?

I've looked through a lot of methods on this site and the only things I've found appeal to is (in order of greatest to least):

1. Firearm (my area has strict gun laws and I can't obtain one easily due to adolescent psych-ward records)
2. N
3. Night-night (with Sackhole bags)
4. OD by illegal substances
5. Cyanide
6. Partial

My goal is to do these methods drunk or high, but I can't find resources for either without catching suspicion. Sigh.

Not going to comment on your method brother. You must do your research and make peace with your decision.
That to one side, I feel the sadness in this post to my core.
I am so sorry life has brought you to this point, I honestly wish there was something I could say or do to make your bad feelings go away.
I honestly and sincerely wish you peace on your journey friend.
There is love for you here.
Good luck
DBD

 

[Throwaway9787]

Amitriptyline cocktail. Cost less than a hundred dollars. And is peaceful if you get the right benzos. Or SN

 

[blueexorcist]

Not going to comment on your method brother. You must do your research and make peace with your decision.
That to one side, I feel the sadness in this post to my core.
I am so sorry life has brought you to this point, I honestly wish there was something I could say or do to make your bad feelings go away.
I honestly and sincerely wish you peace on your journey friend.
There is love for you here.
Good luck
DBD

Sister*, but thank you. I will take your advice as well as many others'. (˶‾᷄ ⁻̫ ‾᷅˵)

Amitriptyline cocktail. Cost less than a hundred dollars. And is peaceful if you get the right benzos. Or SN

I will look into this as well. Thank you ٩(˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́)و

 

[thrwaway99]

I have not, but why tin? I haven't thought of it, actually. Sadly, 1&2 are not available to me. 1 likely never will, but idk about how 2 is doing due to the recent conversations about it and where it can be obtained.

Not tin. Sodium nitrite... SN is just what they call it here. You could read the SN megathread and the SN thread at 8ch.net/suicide for more information.

 

[blueexorcist]

Not tin. Sodium nitrite... SN is just what they call it here. You could read the SN megathread and the SN thread at 8ch.net/suicide for more information.

This is exactly what I get for learning the periodic table before learning methods lol