Literally, dating apps are the reason I want to end my life. I was never very good with girls, which I mainly attribute to having prey eyes and the fact that when I talk, my personality becomes very hyperactive, and I raise my voice like Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. I used to think it was normal to have trouble making friends, finding a partner, or getting any kind of human affection—it was just part of life. But when I discovered dating apps, that's when I was awakened to reality. The first truth is that I'm not attractive, the second is that physical attractiveness is all that matters if you're a man, and the third is that women can have all the friendship, love, and sex they want. Someone might immediately jump in to respond that none of these three statements are true, and if you want, we can debate it privately (though I don't know how to send messages here yet x_X) since I'd be delighted for someone to prove me wrong (you'd literally be saving a life—my life). But believe me, I've done, seen, and read countless experiments that led me to those three conclusions.
Anyway, going back to the thread's topic—after all my farming on dating apps like Tinder, I only got one date, which literally pushed me further into the abyss. It was with a girl two years older than me, and through her, I saw firsthand everything the internet says about women having objectively easier lives than their male counterparts. She was, at that time (and still is), the least empathetic person I've ever met. She liked joining WhatsApp groups and telling men there to kill themselves—she did it purely for fun. She watched snuff videos and was one of those people who never apologize. Every time I failed at trying to date girls, I thought maybe it was my personality or just a long list of reasons. But she didn't meet any of those criteria, yet when she showed me her phone, I saw literally 250 unread messages from guys writing to her and asking her out. You're probably thinking, "It's because she's pretty," but no, she was a short girl, overweight, with no breasts or butt to speak of. I hope that doesn't sound derogatory since I don't want to promote a world that demeans people for their appearance, but when people talk about women having it easy, many say, "It's only for the pretty ones." But she didn't fit into any major beauty standards.
Anyway, she wasn't attractive, had a terrible personality, and literally demanded that I pay for everything on the date, yet there she was, with hundreds of people wanting to date her, pay for her, and sleep with her. Meanwhile, back then, I was rotting in loneliness, desperately trying to find someone to talk to, crying every night because the loneliness was unbearable, and unable to find anyone. People would just tell me to work on my personality, dress well, be funny, etc., etc. I tried doing all that, and nothing—not only nothing, but I was treated poorly. On the other hand, she, with a terrible personality, no care for her appearance, and 0 charisma or charm (she was glued to her phone the entire date), received tons of affection and support. After the date we had in the afternoon, she literally went to another date with another guy that night for dinner, and she even asked him to buy her morning-after pills since there were issues with the condom when she and I had sex. I hope I didn't write my ideas too messily here. She was my first time, and honestly, I only did it because I was planning to kill myself soon, and I didn't want to die a virgin. But it ended up being a terrible idea because, for the following months, I was tormented by the thought that the morning-after pill might have failed, and we'd have a child together. I knew that if I had a child, I definitely couldn't kill myself. Fortunately, months passed, and nothing happened, although almost a year later, she did get pregnant by another guy and had to get an abortion.
Anyway, I apologize if in my recent posts on this forum I sound too intense—I don't like feeling this way. It's just that I'm very emotional, and I've only just decided to participate in this community because I know no one out there in the real world understands me, and the people on incel forums are too violent and consumed by anger. I just want to find more people like me, people who could perfectly identify themselves as incels but don't have thoughts of harming others. Just sinking into the sadness of knowing that, like in the animal kingdom, you're one of those non-alpha lions who just wander alone until they die of hunger and loneliness.
one of my goals is to just go on a date but life aint giving it to me
