How unfair has life been to you in a scale from 1 to 10?

[OcularFear]

8. My parents fight every single day, highschool was a god damn nightmare. And not because it sucked and people are shitty. It was a true nightmare for me. I trusted this girl in sophomore year with everything, I thought she was the one, but she used me, and black mailed me, and trapped me in that relationship for 2 years and utterly broke me down built me back up and broke me down again every single day for those 2 years. She fucked other guys bragged about it told me how shitty I was how I would never be a good boyfriend to anyone how I didn't deserve love, how I didn't deserve to be treated well at all, how I'd be alone forever and that I was lucky she even stuck around. I found myself believing her after she nailed it into me. She didn't let me sleep until at least 4 AM every night even though I woke up at 6 AM for school so I slept in school because of it, and then my grades tanked, she hated me hanging out with my friends so I couldn't even sit with them at lunch or see them after school. She had a tracker on my phone to see where I was and she even had access to all my emails and social medias and everything, had pictures of me id rather her not have had in the first place, laughed at me when id cry, and she even went so far as to even tell me to just die, to just kill myself, she watched me cut myself and didn't even care, she enjoyed it I think. I tried to kill myself by stabbing my wrist but it was a pathetic attempt because I didn't really want to, I was just in such distress I didn't know what to do. She broke me to the point where I just broke down, and honestly that's where alot of my problems started. She broke me past the point where I could think, I felt like a corpse, empty.

Since then I've dealt with visions of digging my thumbs into people's eyes whenever I look at their eyes, I hear them screaming as I dig them in, I hear a man's voice in my head all damn day long talking yelling laughing I hate his laughing so much it drives me crazy sometimes!! All I want to do is dig into my brain and rip him out, I can't take it anymore, I just want him to shut the fuck up! I just want to stop seeing those damn eyes whenever I try to sleep I want the things to stop swimming in the edges of my vision I want to stop hearing the breathing the non existent doors opening and closing I want to stop hearing people talking outside my house when there IS NO ONE THERE. I just want it all to stop I want to stop feeling like someone's constantly behind me breathing on my neck trying to look at my mind and see him and me fighting. I feel like I want to claw my eyes out, pull them out cut them out stab them out stab my ears my hands scratch away my throat until I can't breathe or speak, I'll do anything at this point if he just shuts the fuck up! I can't get a damn moment of silence! Not one! I want to sit in an empty room and hear nothing!!! But I fucking can't!!! Why is it impossible for me to just hear nothing for fucks sake! I JUST WANT QUIET FOR ONE DAMN MOMENT.

I'm having gaps in my memory, and what's worse is people say I did things that I don't remember doing!!! I think he is responsible I THINK HE IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN TRYING TO TAKE MY BODY. Trying to control it use it for his desires and it's fucking awful! I don't want to become him, I don't want to BE HIM. I want to be me, stay me, die me, I want to die as me and I'd rather claw my throat out and die as me than let HIM take control of my life my body my mind THEY ARE ALL MINE NOT HIS.

 

[Doz]

I wanna say 7 or 8 but god damn my ADHD shoots it up to 11 alone. Wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemies if I had any.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

7-8, it could have been way worse than this.

 

[bunny_brownie9]

I'd say 8 but with bipolar & ptsd on top, makes it even higher

 

[Silent Raindrops]

From birth to about 10 years old, I'll say 10.

From 10 to 14, I'll give it a 7.

From 14 on to now, I'll say it went straight to hell.
I probably did my numbers backwards, but you know what I mean
I probably did my numbers backwards, but you know what I mean

 

[Darkover]

it's been extreme at times but on the whole i'd have to give it a 7

 

[Specific_Milk]

in some aspects of it, it's been more than generous i.e unfair in my favour. But in those other ones, it's defo a 8/10. It's like god is fucking with me. He gives me all this shit like very good parents, very good education, very good friends etc and then he just makes me have one of the lowest esteem a man can have. Just fked me right up, externally and internally speaking of myself wise.
He's like having a laugh

 

[Unattainable666]

100

 

[DrPepper709]

I will say 6 because I feel like it will only get worse. It's been really hard so far, and I feel like every year the challenges just increase for me

 

[Arachno]

I'd say it's around 2-3, pretty much all my issues I have right now are all my fault, not life's or other persons. The only the really bad things life gave me were scoliosis and OCD, but I feel like these are partially my fault as well.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Around a 1-2. All of my issues are completely my own fault.

 

[borderlinee]

Like a 7, could be a lot worse.

 

[infinitiez]

5. if i had the drive to be better i wouldnt be here but i just cant get better

 

[cyanlove]

1/10. My life is good on paper. I got a great job, I have a cute little dog, I have friends.

I just feel so lonely. It's like this ache in my bones I can't shake off. I feel like I can't relate to my friends or their happiness.

 

[MildenWarden]

I'd say 7-8. 2023 made it even worse

 

[Meteora]

I cant put it into numbers. Think its more complex than that. But sometimes I feel like I m very punished, sometimes I realise that I was lucky in certain ways. It always depends on the perspective and on my mood.

 

[misthios2040]

10 I was raped by my dad

 

[Meteora]

Then he s not a "dad" but a f*cking monster . @misthios2040
I got molested by "him".

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't know if I can assign it a number. It's definitely been very unfair.

But unfairness is what life is predicated on.

 

[exiled]

10+.
But unfair doesn't necessarily have a negative connotation for me the whole way.
I've had unfair things happen to me that were good. Grace; mercy received when I didn't deserve it.
I've seen miracles unfold in my life and I've tasted their sweetness.
But I've also been born into the most abusive family I know, I've had cancer, I've had liver disease, I've had a really horrible streak with romantic interests and professionals in my life who claimed to help me.
Nothing about this life has been "fair" because honestly, when do we ever get what's fair?
And what even is owed to us?
Perhaps the unfairness of the world is what is beautiful about it. I'm glad I don't have everything I deserve but... sometimes, I wish I had more experience of "normal" as defined by the average human. I don't have many of those.

I try not to get caught up on fairness and focus on whether or not I can live out this life the way that it is. Warranted or not.

 

[Kurai]

10

 

[cryone]

4. was born into a financially stable household n was somewhat smart. had it better than most, i just fucked myself over somehow.

 

[KafkaF]

I don't know that I can put a number on it.

I was born in a modern, Western country. I'm white and my family wasn't poor. So those are a few things that are in my favour, at least.

I've also always been smart and I like to think I'm reasonably eloquent. Those are advantages too. Although intelligence is a mixed blessing, as I think many would attest to.

That being said, I was also born to two abusive parents who have emotionally abused me throughout my entire life. As a result I have severe psychological problems that have destroyed my life.

I also have gotten quite unlucky a few times. Like I was finally able to overcome my mental health issues enough to go to college. I was preparing for my final year of college until I could get my diploma and then covid struck. And the stress of school (specifically the mental health problems I had to overcome to attend) together with the stress of the pandemic was enough to break me. And I had to drop out.

If the pandemic had struck one year later, I probably would've been able to get my diploma.

There's also the fact that I happened to meet a girl who treated me poorly back when I was getting mentally better. That probably was pretty unlucky.

Been trying to find help for years now to try to get back on my feet. But every door I've knocked on has been closed to me. Financially my parents make too much money for me to get financial aid. Even though, well, my parents actually don't have to share any of that money and use it to control me. Something the government apparently doesn't take into consideration.

I finally met a girlfriend whom I loved with all my heart just when my life was in the worst possible place and then she dumped me before I was able to recover. That also wasn't helpful. She also dumped me basically completely out of nowhere and then seemed to have no problem cutting me out of her life like I was nothing. Despite the fact that two weeks before that she'd still said I was the best boyfriend ever and she was really lucky with me.

My first girlfriend was in many ways someone who made my life a lot better. But she also struggled with depression and it ended up causing her to break up with me as a way to push me away. That was kind of unlucky.

When I had to start college at 17 I knew I wasn't ready and wanted to take a sabbath year. My parents put pressure on me to go anyway and I completely screwed up my first year because... well, I wasn't ready for college. And that caused a LOT of problems down the line for me.

I was also bullied as a kid when I was quite young. That wasn't fair.

Idk, I could keep listing things, I guess.

It's hard for me to place a score on it but I guess in unfairness I'd give it a 7/10. Maybe an 8/10.

The abusive parents definitely contribute a lot to that score. Both because of how they treated me in childhood and how they've consistently sabotaged my recovery in adulthood. Then next to that are a lot of just being unlucky with stuff like the pandemic striking at the worst possible time. And also not receiving the help I really need to get back on my feet.

But I didn't grow up in a family that was poor or in a country which is extremely poor or at war or something. So I have to subtract points for that. And I also made some bad decisions myself, I subtract points for that too.

4. was born into a financially stable household n was somewhat smart. had it better than most, i just fucked myself over somehow.

You know, I suspect it's not that simple.

Whenever someone says "I just fucked myself over somehow" I instantly get the impression that there's a lot more to it. I also noticed that you said "financially stable" rather than "loving" or something like that.

A lot of people who experience childhood emotional abuse don't realize it and think everything they experienced is normal. And they then go on to blame themselves for everything. I know I did that before I started realizing how abusive my parents were.

In my experience "I just fucked myself over somehow" is an unlikely thing. And almost always people who feel that way have deeper emotional issues that caused them to "fuck themselves over" that are rooted in stuff like abuse.

Just my impression, not trying to invalidate how you feel.