how to work up the strength to ctb?

[Kokonoe]

it's so hard to actually ctb. i've failed a lot of attempts. lately my biggest issue is that i've been so depressed i'm unable to do absolutely anything, including things i desperately want to do like ctb or sh. i tell myself "i will do it tonight/tomorrow/(insert specific day here/ and so on and then when the time comes i just can't force myself to do anything. and i know if i did force myself to try i wouldn't have the strength and SI would win. i want to ctb so badly. every day i don't i just allow my life to get worse, and risk missing my chance to ctb, and suffer more. i want it all to be over asap. but no matter how bad i want it i can't get myself to really try it again.

 

[bhaloo]

It's hard but as life gets progressively worse, we will eventually find the courage.

 

[meowpuppy]

i agree with what bhaloo says. i think you have to just sort of muster up the courage eventually, and i think you just have to sort of accept that if you're not into forcing yourself to do it, you just have to wait. it sucks, but all i think you can do right now is stay in bed and eat chocolate cake for three meals a day, so to speak. we're both just waiting out the clock at this point..

 

[mutsu]

i feel you, i think the best thing to do is just wait and wait till it gets worse enough

my method is sn so it takes over a day of prep and ive already taken meto or starved myself for a day only to backout last minute

i guess i also have a lot more courage when i'm going through an episode or am off my meds since my impulse control sucks terribly (adhd and bpd)

 

[Kokonoe]

i agree with what bhaloo says. i think you have to just sort of muster up the courage eventually, and i think you just have to sort of accept that if you're not into forcing yourself to do it, you just have to wait. it sucks, but all i think you can do right now is stay in bed and eat chocolate cake for three meals a day, so to speak. we're both just waiting out the clock at this point..

yeah, that probably makes the most sense. it just feels terrible to wait. but forcing it isn't going to work anyways, so waiting out the clock it is..

i feel you, i think the best thing to do is just wait and wait till it gets worse enough

my method is sn so it takes over a day of prep and ive already taken meto or starved myself for a day only to backout last minute

i guess i also have a lot more courage when i'm going through an episode or am off my meds since my impulse control sucks terribly (adhd and bpd)

i feel that last part. all my attempts are mostly on impulse. between bpd/did/ptsd, it's so so much easier to do when going through an episode. but i can't really control that, unfortunately..
i feel like i fail because it's harder to get it right when i'm going off impulsiveness, too. fucked up stuff all around :/