How to understand that you are ready

[Death is beautiful]

How to determine that you have reached the point of despair? All I'm doing right now is sleeping and sitting on SS, I plan to order SN in the near future, how do I know when I'll be ready? Or maybe I should just go ahead and do it. Will my SI allow me to do this?

 

[FuneralCry]

Only you know when you are ready, it is a feeling you have inside. I think for me, I would have to be completely certain about my decision and I would have no doubts.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

How to determine that you have reached the point of despair? All I'm doing right now is sleeping and sitting on SS, I plan to order SN in the near future, how do I know when I'll be ready? Or maybe I should just go ahead and do it. Will my SI allow me to do this?

I am in the same exact spot. Every day I reduce the scope of my life a little bit more. I used to wake up and go for a run. Now it's almost 10 AM and I'm still in bed with no plans to do anything today except try to organize my finances enough to pay the rent which is already late. Every day I care less and less. Ordering and using crypto etc. seems like a monumental hassle at this point. But this can't go on indefinitely.
I think I might have actually tricked my brain into thinking that sitting here on SS is somehow constructive- It is certainly a distraction.

 

[Manaaja]

"If you wait till you are ready, you'll never do it" is one of the best life lessons I have learnt. Not only when it comes to suicide, but when it comes to other things as well.

Like in hobbies, for example running. I used to think "I want to start running, but I'll do it tomorrow, since it is too hot/cold today.", then the next day came and I said "I want to run, but there's this new Netflix show I want to watch, I will run tomorrow." And the weekend came and I thought "I want to run, but I'm feeling tired. I'll run tomorrow" and soon a whole year had come and gone and I hadn't run a single time. Then I just started running even if it was cold and rainy and I was tired, and soon it became a habit and it was nice to run even if the weather was bad or I was tired etc.

Of course when it comes to ctbing, you shouldn't do it lightly. And I believe that everyone should be able to ctb in the place they want, with the method they want, at the time they want.

It's true that it's very hard to know when to ctb. I'm the type of person who feels it's much easier to ctb when I'm doing well, because I feel that if life is good, then afterdeath is good too. But when life is complete shit, I fear that afterlife will be shitty too, and I'm scared of dying. My life is absolutely shitty right now and everyone would say it's a great time to ctb, but all I can think is "What is afterlife is shitty too? Besides, I want to experience A, B and C one more time!". Two years ago when my life was a lot better and I was happy I used to think "Now I have gained everything that I can realistically gain in life, I'm happy, and I have just experienced A, B and C. Now would be a good time to ctb, I feel that afterlife will be nice too.".

I wish there was a way to know when to ctb, but I have no idea.

 

[canna2]

List the positives and negatives with staying alive. Then you will see.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

For me it was an incremental process over a 10 year period. At first I was just passively suicidal. Then the thoughts became more and more intrusive and frequent. I only started becoming actively suicidal - researching methods, buying materials, constructing plans, making attempts, etc the past few years.

I don't think there is a right time or moment to ctb. I think it is different for everybody. Some people impulsively ctb within the first few weeks of suicidal ideation. For others it might take decades or even never. Ultimately it is a personal decision.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

For me it was an incremental process over a 10 year period. At first I was just passively suicidal. Then the thoughts became more and more intrusive and frequent. I only started becoming actively suicidal - researching methods, buying materials, constructing plans, making attempts, etc the past few years.

I don't think there is a right time or moment to ctb. I think it is different for everybody. Some people impulsively ctb within the first few weeks of suicidal ideation. For others it might take decades or even never. Ultimately it is a personal decision.

That is excruciating… But entirely understandable

 

[eternalmelancholy]

That is excruciating… But entirely understandable

I honestly don't know how I have held on for so long. Then again there are members here who have been suicidal for decades. SI is no joke. It warps our minds into accepting a fate worse than death. Clinging onto the false hope that one day everything will magically get better. Deep down I think everyone knows life is shit. It is just really hard to admit.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I honestly don't know how I have held on for so long. Then again there are members here who have been suicidal for decades. SI is no joke. It warps our minds into accepting a fate worse than death. Clinging onto the false hope that one day everything will magically get better. Deep down I think everyone knows life is shit. It is just really hard to admit.

I think it just seems incredibly difficult to go through with suicide. Every fiber of our being wants to stay alive Even when we are in mortal pain. And of course, they don't make it easy. If it was easy, I'm not sure we be on this forum chatting right now.

 

[Insomniac]

How to determine that you have reached the point of despair? All I'm doing right now is sleeping and sitting on SS, I plan to order SN in the near future, how do I know when I'll be ready? Or maybe I should just go ahead and do it. Will my SI allow me to do this?

When you feel life your death will benefit others.

 

[NormaJeane]

It is the politicians fault who do not want to introduce human euthanasia worldwide and how could our parents have had children into a world like this?

 

[Insomniac]

It is the politicians fault who do not want to introduce human euthanasia worldwide and how could our parents have had children into a world like this?

Because out parents are the ones who f-ed things up for everyone. they sacrificed our generation and the generation and our children and grandchildren.

just nuke boomers.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I think of the jumpers on 9/11.

Watching them jump, some holding hands, knowing they were going to die, but the prospect of burning to death was worse. And jumping gave them some choice in the way their lives ended.

That's how I feel. I don't want to die. I never wanted to die before my injury. I loved my kids and liked my life as much as most moms. It was a good one and still is for everyone around me.

No amount of therapy can fix my physical problem. One that will not kill me, but makes me want to kill myself every day, every minute. I've been dead for months. So many months.

So the question is, do I "live" and slowly burn to death by insanity or do I "jump" and down 200 ml of poison and hopefully be out before my head hits the back of the chair?

Either way is hell. The latter shows me more mercy than what life has shown me since April.

That's how I know it's time. 44 days.

That is an excruciating dilemma. It is that much more painful when we actually want to live. When we can see the beauty and life and we went to participate. But for whatever reason, we can't. And all we can look forward to it is standing on the outside looking in.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I think the most rational decision we can make regarding this, is to pretend that we are someone else. This "someone else" is a stranger. If we evaluate this stranger's complaints, the legitimacy of their worries, their fears, their future prospects, and how happy they are and could be, would we advise this stranger that CTB is the more humane option rather than to continue to 'live' and suffer? If the answer if "yes," especially a resounding hardly debatable "yes!" then I think that's a hallmark sign that it's the opportune time to bag one's catches, and cut one's losses in order to 'get the most out of life' (life value vs cost efficiency).