Ya that was me lol. I only did it because I was certain she was cheating on me and I wanted to "even the playing field." Turns out my self-destructive habits were back in full swing when she found out and said I was fucking crazy for thinking so and that by doing so I ruined their life permanently. This past month has been misery and I'm not trying to play the victim because again, I did all this, but I really can't imagine life moving forward. I'm so okay with checking out of life right now. I had the love of my life for once after years of pining for someone and turns out my jealous delusions got the best of me (per usual) and now I'm back at square one. My current existence is beyond pitiful and I've somehow gone beyond rock bottom. I'm hoping to CTB by the 18th if possible. Preferably no more inquiries because I'm beyond ashamed of everything. My whole life could've ended differently had I not gone with that girl that night. It was a one-night ordeal that permanently altered my life and I can't let it marinate any longer. Knowing I'm capable of this is CTB fuel enough lol. I was never convinced I would actually have it in me to cheat but the generational curse carries on I suppose!
Well, I get what you're saying about no more inquiries, but I'll just say that a few of us who responded to your previous thread felt you were being way too harsh on yourself. You said you didn't even sleep with the other girl. As devastating as I'm sure it was to lose her, it didn't seem like you 'ruined her life'.
But that's just going by what you said previously, I obviously don't know your situation. If you feel you've hit rock bottom and wanna go through with ctb, then that's your choice.
Don't know anything about the method, but I do remember one person a few weeks back posting about a ctb fail in a car with that method. Might be worth checking it out on the CO megathread if you haven't seen it already.
I'm so glad I found this thread. Thank you all for contributing to it. The charcoal grill method may not be as easy or peaceful as SN, nowhere near N, but it doesn't sound too bad and it's one that won't be so easily taken away from us. I feel pretty safe that it won't be hard to source charcoal...
sanctioned-suicide.net
