Discussion how to say goodbye

[LittleJem]

What do people think about how to say goodbye to people before CTB? I am not going to give a timeframe, but I guess it's a bit like the 'last tour' kind of idea...I'm trying to work out who I want to say goodbye to, from the people who were in my earlier life when things weren't this bad. I don't know if I'll be functional enough to say goodbye, or in the right mood to say goodbye, or if any kind of goodbye is nicer than no goodbye at all.

I kept trying to restart myself, to start projects, to start work - but now as the drugs run out and the reality kicks in, this is not happening so maybe the main thing I need to organise is a goodbye. I'm estranged from my brother, but feel like a goodbye would be good with him and maybe one or two old friends. I don't know. I would rather say goodbye...Maybe if I start with the 'I don't know when or if I am leaving, but wanted a chance to say goodbye in case I do'?

This feels kind of self-indulgent - like I know this illness makes me self-absorbed, but it also seems like at least it is a chance to say goodbye. If it gets me sectioned, I wish I could organise CTB on being sectioned. It feels a bit cruel to nurses etc, but it is better surely to do it in a hospital setting. I have been in enough times to know how to sneak stuff in. I guess also if I did CTB on being sectioned, then they might be able to make me more comfortable if I use the method I am thinking of which does cause cardiac arrest etc. I don't know if I want to CTB on being sectioned (and whether or not they would section me now) but the alternative is the temporary accommodation that has been so kindly sourced for me, which is also not the kindest place to CTB. Or I think I will take the poison and go to a park.

I'm beginning to feel like I am quite close to ending things now. I have one more medication to try which I am dreading, but you never know it could work a miracle...Olanzapine. I am preparing myself to start the medication I guess, like how many weeks to try it for, how much torment to sit out and how to sit it out (like if I am in a worse state on it) and how to CTB if it is much worse or no better. I thikn Olanzapine will take away my ability to drink/use weed. The weed has been my only consolation for so long.So that's a long intro to how I think unless Olanzapine does something then this exit will happen reasonably soon - like if I need to give the Olanzapine 8 weeks then maybe after that.

I am dreading being so incapacitated that I can't CTB.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Goodbye as in they know your intentions or only a goodbye on your end?

I feel very resentful I can't have an open farewell and have to resort to secret letters. Fortunately there are people I can be open with and that helps. This community is invaluable but there's no substitute for someone in your personal life.

Are you saying you are considering making an attempt in a psych hospital? Well, people accomplish that all the time, enabled by the hospitals that are supposed to care so much about us.

 

[Caoine01]

I would advise against telling anyone IRL about your suicidal intentions. That can't actually be good for either side. But you could try to spend a few happy hours with people you like so that they remember you like that. Your idea in a CTB hospital is probably not very effective either. The probability that your project will be disrupted is very high. And it is not said that its interruption avoids lasting disturbances.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I think I agree with the folks above about saying goodbye. It's a tricky dilemma
interestingly I've just been prescribed Olanzapine and I start taking it tonight. The pharmacist told me I would not be insured to drive which is going to be hugely inconvenient.

 

[LittleJem]

@Caoine01 I have mentioned it for years and I don't know, I feel more impulsive at the moment. I don't know either who I'd spend time with. I'm estranged from my brother, but would want to say goodbye to him for example.

Like I can try one more medication for 8 weeks, and that is 8 weeks of torture again Or I can CTB.
It's beginning to feel like a process of dying, that just watching this torment every day is gettign too much and it is a wind down time.
I don't know for sure, but I have been on this forum now since 2019 and unwell before that, and it is getting to the point in my life where I just want it done.

Happy hours - I just don't get any. I can spend some time on weed with people if I have the weed.
They don't like it but it is more conversational for me.

CTB in a hospital - if I have the right poison it would not be an issue.
The one I am considering is cardio-toxic, no anti-dote. Probably not comfortable, but definitely effective.

They don't cavity search or search under your clothes in the UK when sectioned.
I don't thikn I will be sectioned again though - last times it was for drug-induced mania and now the drugs are not working like that on me. So they would have to section me for being suicidal which means they will check on me etc and I'd need to have the poison ready and stashed on me.
Which is another thing to organise when here I am sat on the floor drinking wine at 1.30 pm having done nothing much all day.

Or I could CTB in a park or something. Having met the local crack heads I'm not sure where I'd go! But there is another park I guess in a different area which would work better as less busy.

Like so many on here, I wish I could end this after saying goodbye and just end this suffering. I am kind of between caring that I don't want to upset people by CTB in this temporary accommodation that people have worked hard to get me, and yet every single day is torment and loneliness and is pointless.

Also, the sheer ridiculousness that people will be upset when I have been suffering for this long. I want the suffering over. I mean if I was in a different state of mind, I'd find this sad.But I don't want to suffer anymore and I just want to say goodbye.

Like everyone, if there was just a lethal injectino I could have and I could say goodbye. But as we don't have that. how to say goodbye without it.

I think I agree with the folks above about saying goodbye. It's a tricky dilemma
interestingly I've just been prescribed Olanzapine and I start taking it tonight. The pharmacist told me I would not be insured to drive which is going to be hugely inconvenient.

Oh good luck! I hope it helps you.

Are you not goign to be insured to drive period? Or is it just until it settles?

 

[WaitingToGo]

@Caoine01 I have mentioned it for years and I don't know, I feel more impulsive at the moment. I don't know either who I'd spend time with. I'm estranged from my brother, but would want to say goodbye to him for example.

Like I can try one more medication for 8 weeks, and that is 8 weeks of torture again Or I can CTB.
It's beginning to feel like a process of dying, that just watching this torment every day is gettign too much and it is a wind down time.
I don't know for sure, but I have been on this forum now since 2019 and unwell before that, and it is getting to the point in my life where I just want it done.

Happy hours - I just don't get any. I can spend some time on weed with people if I have the weed.
They don't like it but it is more conversational for me.

CTB in a hospital - if I have the right poison it would not be an issue.
The one I am considering is cardio-toxic, no anti-dote. Probably not comfortable, but definitely effective.

They don't cavity search or search under your clothes in the UK when sectioned.
I don't thikn I will be sectioned again though - last times it was for drug-induced mania and now the drugs are not working like that on me. So they would have to section me for being suicidal which means they will check on me etc and I'd need to have the poison ready and stashed on me.
Which is another thing to organise when here I am sat on the floor drinking wine at 1.30 pm having done nothing much all day.

Or I could CTB in a park or something. Having met the local crack heads I'm not sure where I'd go! But there is another park I guess in a different area which would work better as less busy.

Like so many on here, I wish I could end this after saying goodbye and just end this suffering. I am kind of between caring that I don't want to upset people by CTB in this temporary accommodation that people have worked hard to get me, and yet every single day is torment and loneliness and is pointless.

Also, the sheer ridiculousness that people will be upset when I have been suffering for this long. I want the suffering over. I mean if I was in a different state of mind, I'd find this sad.But I don't want to suffer anymore and I just want to say goodbye.

Like everyone, if there was just a lethal injectino I could have and I could say goodbye. But as we don't have that. how to say goodbye without it.

Oh good luck! I hope it helps you.

Are you not goign to be insured to drive period? Or is it just until it settles?

Whilst I'm take this stuff, no driving at all as I won't be insured if I have an accident.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would see it as best to leave some kind of note as a farewell, for the people to find once one has left this world. The note could potentially give them some form of closure. But I think that it's only a good idea to actually say goodbye to someone if there is absolutely no chance of them interfering in the plans to die causing the suicide attempt to fail.