How to recover from Peter Pan Syndrome?

[sserafim]

Unless you are a permanent ward of the state, your care-giver won't last forever and chances are you'll outlive them.

Not if I ctb lol

 

[KafkaF]

How do you engage in active exploration? How do you commit to one thing? I think I shy away from commitment because I think that it would limit my options and freedom. I prefer exploration instead. I like to keep my options open. The thing is that I have trouble knowing what I want or what I like. I only know what I don't want and don't like. What about having no identity? Is that even possible?

This is me:

"I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn't."

This is kind of above my pay grade, tbh. As I said, I was not trained to be a clinical psychologist. This seems more something that a clinical psychologist or developmental psychologist may be able to answer better.

I've never heard of anyone not having an identity at all. But there are plenty of mental health problems that cause a very unstable identity, like borderline personality disorder.

As for ways to do active exploration:

• Reflecting on your values and interests. Maybe journaling or whatever might be useful.
• Just trying new experiences, activities, tinterests, careers, etc.
• Maybe making up some short term goals that you think you can get at. Usually long-term goals are harder and dividing something into more digestible pieces is easier. You know like "I'm going to try a new food today" or whatever.

I've never seen commitment as a loss of freedom, tbh. Like a core part of my identity is that I'm a writer. I don't feel any less free because I'm a writer. I still COULD do other things. If I wanted to I could pick up a piece of paper tomorrow and start learning how to draw. But I don't do that because I know that I love writing more than drawing. And I feel fulfilled doing it.

So it doesn't really restrict my ability to do other things. It's more that it gives me something to feel fulfilled about.

Edit: Also, as a sidenote, if you feel that you "don't like anything" maybe that's more a symptom of anhedonia. Which is common with depression but will disappear, generally, if the depression is properly treated.

 

[Final_Choice]

Aren't your parents well off? Maybe you could talk with them and see if they can get you a position that would suit you. Lots of rich kids in my college just go to college to party and get a degree, then just work under their parents doing barely anything and minimal work, and simply hold a position so that their parents hold power in the company. Maybe your parents could do something like that in such a way that you'd barely do any work or do something that you'd be fine with?

 

[sserafim]

Haha, it's kind of you to think of me, oh master of all things.

But to clarify, my formal background in psychology is in experimental psychology rather than clinical or developmental psychology. I did have many classes on both clinical and developmental psychology and did have exams on them, but it wasn't the thing my education was primarily focused on. More on stuff like understanding how an f-MRI works or what can be done with it or what the difference between face validity, construct validity and reliability are.

So while I know a lot more than the average person on the topic, I wouldn't really call myself an expert either. Incidentally, I also haven't really been following the conversation and took a sleeping pill which is making me a bit woozy atm.

That being said, I saw the topic of identity diffusion in one of my developmental psychology classes as part of Marcia's identity theory of how teenagers develop their identity (I think). In this theory there's four possible statuses your identity can be in based on two "spectrums" basically. One of commitment and one of exploration. These statuses are achieved identity, foreclosure, moratorium and diffusion.

I looked back into my class notes to be sure I wasn't full of shit and quoting (and translating) those notes it says: "Little room and space to explore, usually because of environmental pressure. Don't explore much and not in a goal-oriented way. Also make no commitment to a particular identity and often aren't actively seeking to. Often coupled with high anxiety, insecurity, problematic behaviour (like alcohol and drug usage), etc. Can be gotten out of through active exploration."

Unstable identity is also associated with stuff like borderline personality disorder.

How do you know if you have borderline personality disorder?

 

[Malaria]

As someone who pretty much has Peter Pan Syndrome, this song is my anthem. I know Tom Waits originally sung this song, but I prefer this version.

 

[KafkaF]

How do you know if you have borderline personality disorder?

Well, ideally you'd get diagnosed by a professional. That's really the only way to be sure.

But you could always try an online test like this one if you don't feel up to that right now. You won't be able to be as certain based off of it, but it might at least give you a clue.

The biggest difficulty with online tests like that, in my mind, is that the questions can be a bit ambiguous so if you don't have the experience to understand and assess them, you can sometimes answer them incorrectly.

So it's not a proper replacement for an actual diagnosis. But if you can't get an actual diagnosis, I guess it can at least give you some vague hint.

 

[voidstar]

How do you know if you have borderline personality disorder?

I've been diagnosed with BPD for about 17 years now, so if you have any questions I could answer or help shed some insight feel free to message me or ask away.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Depends what it is you're trying to hang on to. If it's child-like wonder, the good news is- you can keep that in to adulthood. People might consider you immature and take the piss but- who cares? I prefer to have a sense of wonder. It means that more things, simple things even- can bring me joy. I'm quite childish in many ways but I don't see that as a fault.

I get the sense with you though that it's more that you don't want to take on adult responsibilities- getting a job etc. That's going to be harder if your parents won't support you. Either, you can choose to call their bluff. They may threaten to chuck you out but- will they ultimately? Likelihood is though- they will continue to give you a hard time about it. So- either you live with that and continue as you are. Or, you try and find work etc. to get them off your back or- they do throw you out and you accept being homeless or find work. Sadly, our options become limited as we age and more expectations are put on us.