Discussion Have People Become Permanently Less Friendly Since COVID?

[Celerity]

Maybe I was naive, but I expected people to mostly get back into the swing of things if they didn't suffer a major illness. It's been 5+ years now, and I feel that a big chunk of the population has still not recovered socially.

People seem angrier, more combative, and far less patient than they did before Corona. Social faux pas are, for better or for worse, not as punished - mostly because people are too busy navel-gazing or looking at their phone to pay attention.

My upbringing had serious problems and played a large part of why I initially found myself on this site. That said, I was raised to treat people with respect from the jump. Courtesy is automatic, and you should help people in need. As such, those are the expectations I have for functional adults, and damn do few people meet what I consider to be a low bar!

Do you feel that the world has remained a much less friendly place since COVID, or is it just me?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

For sure. Lots of short fuses and unpredictable behavior. It seems to me like people are walking around with a chip on their shoulder. It's as if they are powder kegs full of Twitter rage and pent-up frustrations that are just one minor incident away from popping off.

 

[Celerity]

For sure. Lots of short fuses and unpredictable behavior. It seems to me like people are walking around with a chip on their shoulder. It's as if they are powder kegs full of Twitter rage and pent-up frustrations that are just one minor incident away from popping off.

Exactly. Shit goes from 0-100 so often now. My bad temper has plagued me since childhood. I can be very judgmental. But compared to way more people nowadays, I look like the freaking Buddha. It's a bad thing when I'm the most even-keeled person in the group the majority of the time.

 

[_Gollum_]

I'm not sure if I would say less "friendly," but certainly something changed. I think it's just because of how much time people started spending online during COVID, which hasn't gone back to pre-COVID levels. WFH has been good in some ways but I think it's also made people more isolated and in their heads/disconnected from reality, and therefore disconnected to the things that matter most. They have become unable to appropriately prioritize, to discriminate what matters and what doesn't.

Speaking for myself, pre-COVID I would have some days where I only spent ~1 hour online because I was commuting around "in the real world" for much of the day, but now it's rare for me to ever spend less than, say, 4 hours.

 

[cme-dme]

I've been very isolated and very online before Covid but I think Covid allowed me to indulge more in that behavior and I haven't recovered since. But, during these 5 years I have gone down a route of understanding and trying to be kind and care for others. On the contrary though, many people have been spending those 5 years on platforms like Twitter that are designed to make you angry and distrustful of others. Doom scrolling is a real issue. If you've spent half a decade just consuming content that fills you with hate, it's no surprise to me that those people would become less friendly to others.

 

[Celerity]

I'm not sure if I would say less "friendly," but certainly something changed. I think it's just because of how much time people started spending online during COVID, which hasn't gone back to pre-COVID levels. WFH has been good in some ways but I think it's also made people more isolated and in their heads/disconnected from reality, and therefore disconnected to the things that matter most. They have become unable to appropriately prioritize, to discriminate what matters and what doesn't.

Speaking for myself, pre-COVID I would have some days where I only spent ~1 hour online because I was commuting around "in the real world" for much of the day, but now it's rare for me to ever spend less than, say, 4 hours.

I agree. I think this contributes a lot. Even friendlier people are just not as socially smooth as they used to be. People are less bold (unless they are angry) and are less interested in other people than before, IMO.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

I agree. I think this contributes a lot. Even friendlier people are just not as socially smooth as they used to be. People are less bold (unless they are angry) and are less interested in other people than before, IMO.

Oh yeah for sure the isolation destroyed sociality of alot of people but if someone is nice no matter how awkward they are going to be nice and interested in other people, i think of those things as someones character and i hope it doesnt change that quickly. Also internet for alot of people made them more extremist and disconnected from society and kept them in their little toxic bubble of information (just take a quick peek at what twitter has become or what was happening on tiktok like 1-2 years ago).

 

[Dejected 55]

People were never that friendly. People are mostly selfish, in the bad ways, when push comes to shove. It's just we aren't tested often enough to let it show. COVID did help shine a light on that part of human nature, that people really are much quicker to fuck over each other than to be kind and help in a crisis. I mean, people fight over Thanksgiving sales before Christmas... just imagine how they'll act when their life is potentially at stake instead of the latest hot toy or cheap TV?

People mostly suck... and every now and then something happens to tear down that curtain a little bit more so don't pretend people are better than they are.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm pretty reclusive so, I suppose I can't really know for sure but I do get the sense there was a shift after covid. The world definitely seems an unfriendlier place somehow.

People were never that friendly. People are mostly selfish, in the bad ways, when push comes to shove. It's just we aren't tested often enough to let it show. COVID did help shine a light on that part of human nature, that people really are much quicker to fuck over each other than to be kind and help in a crisis. I mean, people fight over Thanksgiving sales before Christmas... just imagine how they'll act when their life is potentially at stake instead of the latest hot toy or cheap TV?

People mostly suck... and every now and then something happens to tear down that curtain a little bit more so don't pretend people are better than they are.

I had a different sense that actually during covid, people were suddenly deprived of company. Plus, we became worried about our more vulnerable in society. I actually sensed more of a pulling together during it. I even volunteered to chat to lonely elderly people when they asked communities to step up and help.

Maybe we just got used to being alone after a while though. Plus, I remember my neighbours getting food delivered as things were easing up. They are a family with three cars! I'm single and don't drive. I was lugging shopping back from the supermarket to try and free up the delivery service for those truly unable to get out. So- there's that. You see other people selfishly looking out for themselves and think- f*ck it- I will too. For me personally though, I felt like the shift happened afterwards.

I think there's more than just covid going on. My Nana used to live in a long terrace. There were gates in the fences. Perhaps that was to do with rubbish collection but, I just think people were friendlier with their neighbours back in the day. I think over population is a part of it. We're all crammed in to cities and residencies. Maybe it's that we simply want more space and less competition for things- jobs, resources etc. so, we're just annoyed with one another more.

 

[HarryCobean]

I feel their pretence of friendliness is a hell of a lot less convincing.

 

[Dejected 55]

That's the thing. People were perhaps better at pretending to be friendly. It's like racism. People look around and think suddenly the US got more racist again... except it didn't. It was always there, just beneath the surface, waiting... and for some reason it became more en vogue to be openly racist again. For a while people were hiding it, sometimes not that well, but at least hiding it. Arguably, being openly racist is maybe better because you have a better idea of who the racists are.

Randomly... years ago I was living with my sister. There was a store within walking distance of her home and I walked there when I needed something. On the way walking I would pass by the local firehouse, and sometimes a fireman or two would be sitting outside. One day I was walking to the store and a guy was out there and he started a random conversation. I don't remember about what... but at some point he asked me if I was registered to vote. I told him I was not. He said that was a shame because they had a black sheriff they needed to vote out of office. He didn't say the sheriff was bad... the go-to was, they had a black sheriff they needed to vote out, and since I was white they figured I guess I must be racist too. I backed out of that conversation and kept walking to the store. Made a point to avoid the firehouse whenever I saw anyone outside. Point was, he just looked at me as a new stranger in town and felt perfectly comfortable assuming I would be racist too.

Sadly, that's not the first time I had that experience... oh, and that was several years before COVID.

There are a lot of fake-friendly people who do so in order to get something out of it... or because they don't want to be their authentic selves and openly hate you. We're seeing this with the increased xenophobia towards immigrants too. Anyone different must "go" and if you say something then you should "go" too. People are very quick to be open about things they felt years ago and used to hide. I go back and forth over whether I want open hatred OR secret hatred. I mean, I could always tell people were awful, but not everyone can. Maybe for some the illusion of kindness is better?

 

[Celerity]

That's the thing. People were perhaps better at pretending to be friendly. It's like racism. People look around and think suddenly the US got more racist again... except it didn't. It was always there, just beneath the surface, waiting... and for some reason it became more en vogue to be openly racist again. For a while people were hiding it, sometimes not that well, but at least hiding it. Arguably, being openly racist is maybe better because you have a better idea of who the racists are.

Randomly... years ago I was living with my sister. There was a store within walking distance of her home and I walked there when I needed something. On the way walking I would pass by the local firehouse, and sometimes a fireman or two would be sitting outside. One day I was walking to the store and a guy was out there and he started a random conversation. I don't remember about what... but at some point he asked me if I was registered to vote. I told him I was not. He said that was a shame because they had a black sheriff they needed to vote out of office. He didn't say the sheriff was bad... the go-to was, they had a black sheriff they needed to vote out, and since I was white they figured I guess I must be racist too. I backed out of that conversation and kept walking to the store. Made a point to avoid the firehouse whenever I saw anyone outside. Point was, he just looked at me as a new stranger in town and felt perfectly comfortable assuming I would be racist too.

Sadly, that's not the first time I had that experience... oh, and that was several years before COVID.

There are a lot of fake-friendly people who do so in order to get something out of it... or because they don't want to be their authentic selves and openly hate you. We're seeing this with the increased xenophobia towards immigrants too. Anyone different must "go" and if you say something then you should "go" too. People are very quick to be open about things they felt years ago and used to hide. I go back and forth over whether I want open hatred OR secret hatred. I mean, I could always tell people were awful, but not everyone can. Maybe for some the illusion of kindness is better?

Yeah, the casual and openly hostile racism alike have really taken me aback. I was raised in a conservative household, and my parents are both white Boomers who were raised in the deep South. We live in a MAGA state (FL). If anyone should be maxed out on the racism chart, it should be us, but I have been shocked to see how much racism is dished out by my white friends and acquaintances. Mr brother, a huge Trumper, regular trades in racial slurs of all kinds we never heard of growing up from our parents. As a kid, I had no idea how many of the "good", clean-cut kids who were more liberal than me at the time were in fact horrible racists. Now, knowing how they believe and act as adults, the truth has been revealed.

In FL specifically, the amount of anti-Hispanic sentiment amazes me in the worst way. I have known so many Hispanics from many different countries at all stages of my life. I know many workers and small business owners who are Hispanic. I wouldn't in a million years call them "spics" or "wet backs" or fantasize about them being detained in Alligator Alcatraz. The hatred a lot of people have for them is depraved. I can't imagine harboring such hatred for people you see every day, whom you met and played with as a child. It's sick.

 

[Dejected 55]

Yeah, and check out the ways in which the racism manifests... They want to get rid of all the immigrants from the south, Mexicans and so forth... but... they are also willing to carve out exceptions and allow illegal immigration for people to work for slave wages as farm workers and in hotels and maid services... basically, they know if they kick out all immigrants then nobody here who is a citizen is going to work for slave labor wages... so they will overlook their "hatred" so they can keep their cheap labor... but they will not let those people become American citizens and have the rights they otherwise earn by living and working in this country.

Similar to how some black people can be "one of the good ones" as in... if someone doesn't complain about being treated poorly or bring up our slavery and racist traditions... you can be "one of the good ones." And I'm not saying race-traitor or something horrible as a thought... I'm just saying if you're a black man or woman in the USA and you've done the calculus and you'd rather keep some peace in your life and just "accept" the casual racism people throw your way... then you can be "one of the good ones" and curse at white America in the privacy of your own home unless you're willing to die on that hill.

And, honestly... as much as I like to stand up for myself... I can 100% empathize with minorities in this country who know they can't fix the racism so they seek to maintain some peace of mind by ignoring what they can of it and not rocking the boat unless they have to. I do that a lot with my depression and the way I see the world. I'm not out there on a pedestal preaching of the world's evils because I know I have no power to change anything and while I want to die, I don't want to be beaten or shot or ran over by a car or some other painful death that the racist folks would throw my way.

Now, if I see someone being oppressed in person, especially if they were being physically assaulted... I don't think I could ignore that, and I'd have to take my life in my hands and risk it if I could stop someone else from being beaten or killed. So, I guess that's where my line is... I'm an ally for all sorts of people, but I want to die peacefully in my house on my own terms, not at the hands of a crackpot racist unless my doing so could actually save someone else's life in the moment.