Help how to open up about my experiences with SH?

[saintbunny]

i've dealt with sh for a very long time. i'd say since about the age of 11 or 12, and i'm currently 19. i'm pretty seasoned when it comes to methods, how to take care of the wounds, how to hide it, etc. but i don't know how to talk about it. whatsoever.
all throughout my life, it's been some awful secret that only gets talked about when someone finds out and panics. i remember the first time i was "outed" so to speak was when my dad saw, and he proceeded to yell at me and berate me while forcing me to tell my family members. it was a very traumatic experience for me, and most other experiences i've had have been similar. so i sort of subconsciously decided that i just wouldn't tell anyone and it would become a quiet bad habit to be ashamed of. but i'm tired of it being this way. my sh isn't anything to be ashamed of, and this time when i tell people i want it to be on my terms to people who care.
but this raises another issue. how do i have that conversation? how do i even start that conversation? i'm afraid that after years of hiding it and being ashamed of it, i just don't know how to talk about it or how to ask for help. it's been trained out of me.
does anyone have any advice and/or words of comfort? it just feels so intimidating to rip the mask off now.

 

[winamp]

when I opened up about it I talked about it as if someone was asking me about how work went or as if I were hosting a comedy special on Seinfeld or I would just be informative about it

the hard thing is to stop people from pitying you or seeing you as an attention seeker and dealing with the occasional "will you stop for me "

I was also worried about people abandoning me because of it but that surprisingly didn't happen but everyones support and general people around them and circumstances are different

hope this helps