how to make friends

[cantthinkofusername]

i dont have any and it makes me sad. im not in college anymore so it's not like i can just talk to people in class or in a club, not that i made any friends like that anyway. how do i make friends. i want to have friends. should i try a partial hospitalization program or something. i dont have friends and i want friends

 

[pepperfarmer]

The label of 'friend' encompasses everything from immensely intimate platonic connection to people you just hang out with and everything in between. As a result of the complexity of the human condition, there is no clear cut guide to making friends, since a friendship can mean just about everything and every relationship will have its unique complexities that you'll need to navigate by yourself.

Broadly speaking, what you'll want to do (and what all 'how to make friends' advice generally boils down to) is expose yourself to social spaces. These will be places and groups where you'll be exposed repeatedly to other people that frequent the space and that you can become familiar to. SaSu is an example of a social space, although online spaces are more fickle and anonymous. From there, you can evaluate the regulars and interact with them.

Mostly all people are unique in their presentation, behaviors, and modus vivendi. People will also evaluate and observe you, just as you observe them. They may approach you, and if you so choose, you can also approach them, and interact with them. Eventually, from this, you can establish a more 1-on-1 relationship if the both of you choose. Anything from there will generally depend on you and them.

Interacting frequently with others socially, even if you're not making friends, will develop your social skills. This is generally your ability to act appropriately, avoid faux pas, and communicate effectively. A big part of this depends on your cognitive empathy, that is, being able to broadly predict how certain things will affect others under what context. The more developed your social sense is, the more effective you'll be at projecting yourself favorably, and you'll become more approachable. If you have certain neurodevelopmental conditions, such as Autism, it'll take more effort to develop. Preferably, you'll want to develop your social skills to attract the kind of people you want to have as your social circle, rather than being 'likeable' in a general sense.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

thank you. do you know of any good spaces where i can run into people regularly.

 

[SASU-KE]

First think of a username. Something cool.

 

[BunBun]

Hmmmm I know a lot of adults nowadays sort of make "work friends"
When I was working, that was sort of the only time I felt I made "friends" as an adult.
But I have heard people make friends from joining hobby activity clubs or even going to the gym regularly.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

Hmmmm I know a lot of adults nowadays sort of make "work friends"
When I was working, that was sort of the only time I felt I made "friends" as an adult.
But I have heard people make friends from joining hobby activity clubs or even going to the gym regularly.

i would consider getting a job but im not really functional enough for it honestly.

 

[sulkygirl]

There's this feature on Facebook in the Dating tab where you can be match with people to be friends with. Maybe you'll have some luck with that or something like it!

 

[desiderium]

I think the user talking about social spaces is correct! There are plenty of online social spaces (Discord communities tailored to your interests, Reddit communities, etc) where you can meet people and make online friends.

For irl friends, do you have any community centers or community-oriented places nearby? Libraries, community centers, even volunteer groups; these places often host events that can be good to find people at. Book clubs, group volunteer efforts, or community nights/events like fairs, summer nights, or farmers markets can be good places to bump into people.

 

[nothere17]

i dont have any and it makes me sad. im not in college anymore so it's not like i can just talk to people in class or in a club, not that i made any friends like that anyway. how do i make friends. i want to have friends. should i try a partial hospitalization program or something. i dont have friends and i want friends

Its gonna sound very silly, but join a friendly Minecraft SMP, something small 18+, its just a matter of time for you to make friends, they will be online but I think this is the easiest and quickest way.

 

[pepperfarmer]

thank you. do you know of any good spaces where i can run into people regularly.

It depends on what kind of people you want to run into. You can't precisely control for 'people you'd like to meet', but different spaces are formed around one or more things that unite the people that share the space.

As an example, everyone in university is pursuing higher education. Educational spaces (HS, university, trade school) are broader in their scope since education is a more common pursuit in life for all kinds of people. Political spaces (activist collectives, organizations/parties) will generally unite people with similar values and opinions, hobbyist spaces (ex. hobby clubs, like radio clubs) will have people who all have a shared interest, so on and so forth. There are common, predictable (but not guaranteed) secondary characteristics that usually drive someone into the particular interest or characteristic that unifies the space; activist groups will usually have younger people, radio clubs attract older people with military or law enforcement backgrounds, et cetera.

Online spaces are often better at attracting narrower backgrounds but are almost always very geographically dispersed, whereas most physical spaces host broader nets but are more geographically compact.

As a rule of thumb, you're generally better off showing up at places where you'd naturally arrive. There's not really a 'list of Good Places' anyone can recommend and it all depends on what interests or values you'd like. So, if you've got a particular hobby, you'd show up at clubs or spaces dedicated to that hobby. If you're into activism and feel strongly about something, you'd want to get involved and organize. Trying to insert yourself into places you wouldn't already be interested in won't work and will just be mentally taxing on you.