How to know that you are sure?

[crystalskies31]

Hi everyone.

I just wondered how does one really 'know' that one is 'sure' that they are going to go through with it?

I'm increasingly sure that I'm going to but I don't want to chicken out when I get there.

What in people's experiences, has caused them to think 'this person will really do it', and so on?

Sometimes, I think of all the little things I would have liked to do before I died. Or I think: "I'm going to complete a great work of art, then do it!" and so on. (I'm creative). However, in reality, may of them will never be possible, anyway, and my urge/hurry will be greater.

Thank you.

Edit: Some things that make me think I am ready.

- Age: Not that young any more (30+) and have had many crises/bad things in my life and it is just getting worse
- Chronic illness
- No money/risk of homelessness
- Vulnerable
- No real 'family'
- I feel I already did the 'things I wanted' years ago, and there is little to no chance of me doing the other things I would like to do

 

[Lullaby]

It's cliche, but you just know. You know in your heart and mind that what you're going to do is this right decision.

I typically see goodbye threads on here, and members that don't come back, seemed really calm about their choice to go.

Survival instinct is normal and it can be hard to surpass. If ever feel like you're not ready, don't force yourself. It's a really big decision, and one you can make literally anytime. There's no rush to do this.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

When nothing is worth living for. Either we reach it at a lower age or of old age.

Not having family is key. I'd find it hard to find many happy people who can't count on anyone. Many of us take family for granted because nothing bad has happened until we begin losing loved ones.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like that is something only the individual knows, it is a feeling they have, and they have no more doubts, they feel certain about their decision. It is a difficult question to answer. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I know that it is hard to carry on when everything seems so hopeless. I wish you the best in whatever happens and I hope that you find relief from your pain.

 

[NoLightRemains]

What in people's experiences, has caused them to think 'this person will really do it', and so on?

In my experiences with 3 people I know CTB, they had all been struggling with suicidal ideation for a long time, but a few factors lead to them completing the suicide.
1) all had SN available
2) unemployed and no money to pay rent, so facing homelessness/eviction the next month
3) lack of social support. No family they could turn to for help

I think for a lot of people, we kind of just get stuck in a limbo where the survival instinct is too strong for us to CTB, but the pressure of a living situation drastically changing for the worse (like homelessness) was the catalyst needed to be complete the suicide. I know for myself things aren't bad enough to actually kill myself just yet and I have a supportive family, but if things change I'm definitely planning on exiting.

 

[Capsaicin78]

I think it's just a decision that really comes from your "true" self. For me the biggest reason is that I fucked up in so many ways there is no way to turn back. Also I wasted many years of my life and don't wanna continute doing so. So there ist that

 

[crystalskies31]

In my experiences with 3 people I know CTB, they had all been struggling with suicidal ideation for a long time, but a few factors lead to them completing the suicide.
1) all had SN available
2) unemployed and no money to pay rent, so facing homelessness/eviction the next month
3) lack of social support. No family they could turn to for help

I think for a lot of people, we kind of just get stuck in a limbo where the survival instinct is too strong for us to CTB, but the pressure of a living situation drastically changing for the worse (like homelessness) was the catalyst needed to be complete the suicide. I know for myself things aren't bad enough to actually kill myself just yet and I have a supportive family, but if things change I'm definitely planning on exiting.

Yes, this is basically it. I'm in a similar situation to your friends
I relate to 1 and 3 and I have a history of homelessness.
I'm mostly just doing it now before I fulfil the conditions for 2 fully. I get very anxious and exhausted due to chronic illness. might as well CTB with grace while I still have the chance.
The family I do have, don't understand how serious this is, or maybe don't care, or are too far away.

 

[NoLightRemains]

Yes, this is basically it. I'm in a similar situation to your friends
I relate to 1 and 3 and I have a history of homelessness.
I'm mostly just doing it now before I fulfil the conditions for 2 fully. I get very anxious and exhausted due to chronic illness. might as well CTB with grace while I still have the chance.
The family I do have, don't understand how serious this is, or maybe don't care, or are too far away.

I'm sorry you are going through this and have no good options available to you besides suicide. One of my friends also had a history of homelessness and with their worsened chronic illnesses, they knew they wouldn't make it again on the streets so they wanted to leave while they still had a roof over their head and a bed to die in.

I don't know your situation, but it might be worth talking to the family who don't understand how serious things are? They might be more supportive of you communicate how poorly you are doing and how close you are to suicide. Not trying to change your mind, but it could be worth exploring.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

In my experiences with 3 people I know CTB, they had all been struggling with suicidal ideation for a long time, but a few factors lead to them completing the suicide.
1) all had SN available
2) unemployed and no money to pay rent, so facing homelessness/eviction the next month
3) lack of social support. No family they could turn to for help

I think for a lot of people, we kind of just get stuck in a limbo where the survival instinct is too strong for us to CTB, but the pressure of a living situation drastically changing for the worse (like homelessness) was the catalyst needed to be complete the suicide. I know for myself things aren't bad enough to actually kill myself just yet and I have a supportive family, but if things change I'm definitely planning on exiting.

So frightening…

 

[crystalskies31]

I'm sorry you are going through this and have no good options available to you besides suicide. One of my friends also had a history of homelessness and with their worsened chronic illnesses, they knew they wouldn't make it again on the streets so they wanted to leave while they still had a roof over their head and a bed to die in.

I don't know your situation, but it might be worth talking to the family who don't understand how serious things are? They might be more supportive of you communicate how poorly you are doing and how close you are to suicide. Not trying to change your mind, but it could be worth exploring.

That's how I feel. Like your friend.
While I can still afford to go somewhere I won't be found, in my case.

I did try to explain to them, many times, days, etc. they honestly just didn't know what to do/didn't care. I'm sure they're fond of me, they just feel they can't help.

 

[Judy Garland]

A wise person who has since passed on here said that the feeling of being unsure (which is also your Survival Instinct) will last all the way until you die. There is no really feeling of "I'm ready" (only bouts of FUCK IT! like I just had yesterday) because survival instinct is telling you "No, I'm not ready". So don't worry. Just being like Cass Elliot and the Mama's and the Papa's:

 

[crystalskies31]

A wise person who has since passed on here said that the feeling of being unsure (which is also your Survival Instinct) will last all the way until you die. There is no really feeling of "I'm ready" (only bouts of FUCK IT! like I just had yesterday) because survival instinct is telling you "No, I'm not ready". So don't worry. Just being like Cass Elliot and the Mama's and the Papa's:

Yeah. I think honestly the sensible thing is to CTB in my case. It's only going to get worse and this is my chance

A lot of my anxiety is "what if I get ill" or "how long do I book this for? What if it's expensive for several days? when do I know I'm ready" etc like excuses or perfectionism. There seems to be a lot to consider and factor in and I'll do a note as well which will take time. And I have to book in advance. Basically, I just want to… do it already.

It's funny, you'd think I'd want to do some amazing thing before. A friend was like why not try (xyz) you've got nothing to lose.

But I just want to CTB.

I also want to do it earlier and not spend too much. In case it's unsuccessful I need time to make sure I can try again and afford that etc.

It's sad that it has to be so undignified in a way. But if you're poor there's not much you can do. It's more "dignified" than just dying in the street this way.

 

[Al Cappella]

I don't think, either, there's a formula for knowing, or that you will ever 100% know. I do think it's possible, in some cases, to get to where you're comfortable with your decision. I think for many it's just a matter of being tired/in pain enough to realize another mile in the same shoes just won't make any difference.

Where it gets murky is with mental illness, where too often you get decisions being made from bad data. Ultimately, though, it just makes it more tragic, and is no different than death caused by other forms of illness. It's just, as with treatable cancers that take a life away, those left behind feel something more might have been done. But that's obviously not your situation, so I'm blathering on for nothing…

 

[crystalskies31]

I don't think, either, there's a formula for knowing, or that you will ever 100% know. I do think it's possible, in some cases, to get to where you're comfortable with your decision. I think for many it's just a matter of being tired/in pain enough to realize another mile in the same shoes just won't make any difference.

Where it gets murky is with mental illness, where too often you get decisions being made from bad data. Ultimately, though, it just makes it more tragic, and is no different than death caused by other forms of illness. It's just, as with treatable cancers that take a life away, those left behind feel something more might have been done. But that's obviously not your situation, so I'm blathering on for nothing…

I think mental illness is part of it but there are other huge major factors. Not having a family since I was a teen, is a major one. That's a lot of suffering and trauma right there.

I sometimes feel guilty as I know in the past, people went through this too, and were in wars etc I guess if you get married and have kids, its different? In the past people often didn't have parents but did okay somehow. It just wasn't like that with me. I don't have siblings either and what family I do have is far away

 

[Al Cappella]

I think mental illness is part of it but there are other huge major factors. Not having a family since I was a teen, is a major one. That's a lot of suffering and trauma right there.

I sometimes feel guilty as I know in the past, people went through this too, and were in wars etc I guess if you get married and have kids, its different? In the past people often didn't have parents but did okay somehow. It just wasn't like that with me. I don't have siblings either and what family I do have is far away

For sure social isolation is part of it, or can be. Being alone has never really bothered me for some reason, but I do get how crushing loneliness can be. Is it an acceptable reason? Sure it is.

 

[FinishingLine]

For sure social isolation is part of it, or can be. Being alone has never really bothered me for some reason, but I do get how crushing loneliness can be. Is it an acceptable reason? Sure it is.

Never made a difference between social isolation, being alone or loneliness.
Might be there once was - but one lead to another or ever was.
And here I am.